I am dealing with a guy that I like very much, but recently I found out that he gave me herpies. I do blame both of use because we werent dealing with each other that long, but oe night we went to a party got very drunk and ended up having sex without the condom.He knew he was infected and didnt tell me, and yes I did ask. We continued on having sex with no condom and he kept saying he wanted to tell me something but didnt know how. Long story short befor he got a chance to tell me I went to the doc because I knew something wasnt right down there, and thats when she told me that I had Gentile Herpies. I didnt say anything to him right away because I was still in a state of shock and I knew it had to come from him because he was the only person I was with. Anyway when he finally gets around to telling me he breaks down and crys cause he knows that he messe up. But he's also mad because I didnt "snap" on him or yell or scream, he says I'm to alm for the situation and he never ment for it to happen. The problem is I still like him and I still have feelings for him. And I'm not sure of what to do. He got it from his baby mom years ago and she gave it to him. What do I do about this situation? Im into him but Idont understand why Im not totally pissed at him. And he's not my boyfriend we're just trying to see where this is going to go...OMG!! What should I do. I have my meds he's offeredf to go to the doc with me when I have my appointments and everything but why am I not pissed at him.
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I went through a similar thing. When I found out, I thought it strange that when I told my boyfriend, he seemed so calm about it and just said- "well, at least you don't have HIV". I thought that was a wierd reaction but I was still in shock. I kept thinking I can't blame him because, although in the beginning - when we first started having sex, I insisted on using condoms, as time went by, he kept saying that was no fun, and that why should we use protection when it was just him and me and we werent seeing anyone else. Well, finally I started going along with him and didn't insist on any protection. I wanted to trust him. (I'll tell u the truth, I was with many people like 10 yrs before I started seeing him but even then me and them used condoms 95 percent of the time). I never specifically asked for a STD test for quite some time before him because I wasn't having sex for so many years so felt no need for it. It is possible that I contracted the herpes virus many years before and just never noticed or never had any symptoms... unlikely but still possible.. because I did have times of great stress during those years and never had any real bothersome rashes in the perianal area during those times, and never had such painful oral herpes blisters... esp. never had any in back of my mouth like Ive gotten so bad this year. Anyway, I believe I didn't feel mad at him because I felt in love with this guy and I didnt want to believe he'd do anything to purposely harm me. Even if he did know he had it, I still forgive him because I chose not to use the protection and take that risk, plus I am much more educated (esp. in the health field) than him and he ended up having an active drug/alcohol problem so I know he's sicker than me in the self control department at that time anyway. So I should have been the more responsible person. Plus, what good would it do to blame someone else? I mean, sometimes I get angry, but I am not sure who gave it to me and I have it now so what good does blaming someone else do, except to stress me out and increase my chances to get more outbreaks. (Ive found Abreva helps relieve the symptoms- it's over the counter, but still like 17 dollars per tiny tiny tube)... it helps me better than any of the prescriptions.
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