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There is really no way to tell who gave it to whom and how long you each have actually had herpes.   Herpes can lay dormant for long periods of time, it can also be completely symptomless, or you can have symptoms which you do not realise are caused by herpes.   If you both now definitely have herpes, how this occured is less important than how you deal with it.   Key points are to become educated about herpes itself, learn how it affects you personally and try to identify any potential personal triggers so you can try to elimate or minimise them.   If OBs are bothersome, then you can try some alternative therapies or antivirals to help reduce or suppress the outbreaks.   The other major issue is 'blame' - I know it is easier said than done, but try not to focus on blaming anyone, just accept it as fact and deal with it.