I met a girl and after a two months of dating we had sex with a condom, but we also performed oral on each other. Two weeks later we decided to have sex again, however, she decides to tell me that she has herpes on her buttocks but it's covered by a band-aid. I was very upset and asked why she didn't tell me before we had sex the first time. She told me that I was basically over reacting and that she does not have herpes in her vagina or mouth. She claims she was told by her doctor that she could not transmit herpes to anyone from her vagina or mouth. They could only catch the disease if they were touching the blisters on her buttocks. Is this true? and was I wrong for getting upset that she didn't tell me prior to having sex? Keep in mind, I had just told her prior to us having sex for the first time that I tested negative for herpes 1 or 2, Hiv, and syphyllis. Although she claims that my risk was minimum according to her doctor, I still felt I had the right to know beforehand.
I know you posted this a long time ago, and you received excellent information from a community member, but I thought you might be interested in reading up on the topic.
It is possible to get Herpes from someone who is not even having an outbreak, and someone who has Herpes should tell his or her partners before they have sex. You might want to see a doctor and get a blood test even if you have not shown symptoms. The Herpes virus can stay dormant for a long time.
For more information, check out:
Herpes: Knowing the Risks
The Truth About HSV1, HSV2 and Oral Sex
Genital Herpes Symptoms and Tests
Ways Not To Spread Herpes
Hope all is well!
If I were you, I would be very upset! First, your girlfriend is ignorant about herpes and second, she is gambling with your health. Here are some facts: 70% of all persons infected with herpes are with partners that had NO SYMPTOMS of herpes (that's how I got it).
Before I would have sex with her, I would check out this websites:
This article reaffirms that herpes is very contagious without symptoms: http://www.latimes.com/health/la-genital-herpes-spread-sex-gallery,0,6367853.story.
Also, I like the New York Times website on giving your partner herpes. Even with an antiviral drug (reduces the spread of herpes by roughly 50%) and condom use (roughly 30% effective), an infected partner can still transmit it: http://consults.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/06/18/giving-your-partner-herpes/. People have become infected without sexual intercourse but through physical skin contact with the thighs, BUTTOCKS and genital areas.
Fortunately, it is easier for an infected male partner to give herpes than a female partner.
It upsets me when I hear stories like you are telling. Herpes is a life-long condition and having a relationship with an infected partner has to based on facts. It could be her doctor is incompetent; or she's in denial about her virus. You are always at rish of getting herpes, with or without any symptoms. With a sore on her buttocks, means she is actively shedding and the rate of infection is at its greatest. I would be very concerned that you are with a partner who is willing to gamble with your health. Herpes is a BIG deal, especially for persons with weakened immune systems.
I forgot to mention that any person infected with the herpes virus, has an obligation to disclose it before having a sexual relationship. You can take civil action against her: stdlawsuit.com/do-i-have-a-case/.
If you haven't already, dump her. If she is lying about something this important, she's lying about other things.