A condom alone is roughly 30% effective. Check out: http://consults.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/06/18/giving-your-partner-herpes/. Most persons are infected by persons that do not have any symptoms-- asymptomatic. Yes, your sex life is pretty much over unless you want to infect an unifected partner. In addition, it takes years to emotionally adjust living with herpes and the stigma of having it. I haven't yet.

Roughly 50% of infected persons do not disclose they have herpes either out of shame or denial believing they can still have sex without consequences. Read what happened to PayUpBoy on this site, 1/24 (a few below yours).

The person who infected me denied having any STDs prior to our sexual relationship; it took almost two years to infect me. We spent several months getting to know one another prior to having sex. He was a MD and refused to educate himself about asymptomatic herpes claiming he didn't think he could infect me without outbreaks. I still have monthly outbreaks on acyclovir five years later. I can't have a sexual relationship with anyone anymore. Plus, I am at greater risk for getting HIV.

I should have taken legal action but didn't. Check out this website: http://stdlawsuit.com/do-i-have-a-case/. If a person knowingly (remember, they can subpoena medical records) does not disclose herpes, a person can sue the person through civil court for damages.

Given how I got herpes (by the way, this person touts honesty as his core being and has had several relationships since me), I would suggest the following: (1) definitely take your time about having sex with someone; (2) discuss STDs (assume if they have had multiple sexual partners, there's a 25% chance they are infected); (3) get the specific test for herpes (it's a blood test) at least 6 weeks after their last sexual encounter with a different person. You should do the same.