Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Saturday, May 31, 2008 wifeof25years, Community Member, asks

Q: How do I know if my husband gave me herpies>gave

Ok here goes. I have been maried for 25 years and I swear on my Dads grave that I have never cheated on my husband. I' 100% sure that I have herpies. I have the itching rash the vlisters, plus sometimes I have a sore sorta like a colde sore to come up on my vigina lips. Sometimes I hurt really bad in my legs and in my back. So I have been watching my husband for his symtons well he has really bad headaches, lower bacfand leg pain alot and I meania a lot. So here is my question. How I can I prove he gave it to me. Neither of has been to the doctor but it is coming. He i the type that will turn this around and blame me and I know for sure I didn't give it to him. I just want to know how I can find out if he gave it to me and does this mean he cheated on  me. We will work through this I just need my proof...Thanks

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Answers (2)
Jerry Kennard, Health Pro
6/ 5/08 10:58am

Hi,

 

Your anger and frustration is understandable but isn't it better to take things a step at a time. I think you do need to see your doctor to confirm a diagnosis. I'm not a medical doctor but I think I'm correct in saying that a visual inspection is only part of the diagnosis and herpes may not necessarily be diagnosed until after a lab test.

 

If it is confirmed as herpes then I guess it moves things a stage forward. It isn't for me to say what's right or wrong, or what you should or should not do, but I do wonder whether you might want to stop to consider how you plan to approach your husband about this. Is challenge, blame and conflict the only path, or might there be a way you can tackle the issue so that there is scope for some form of resolution?

 

I'm certainly not suggesting this will be easy, but you have been married a very long time and I'm guessing you both have a lot invested in your marriage? Hopefully, your fears may not be realised, but if they are, I wish you both well with any attempts you make in getting through this.

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fauxreal, Community Member
8/12/09 5:43pm

Did you read the question?  You danced all the way around it.  She asked how or is there a way to prove he gave it to her?  She didn't ask for marriage counseling!

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Jerry Kennard, Health Pro
8/13/09 6:04am

I did read the question. My response is based partly on the fact that the person who wrote the question has no real certainty that she has herpes. Being "100% certain" is not the same as having the diagnosis confirmed. That said, we know nothing of the relationship prior to marriage. Yes, twenty five years is a long time, but the pattern of herpes can vary from person to person. If it is herpes it is possible the husband had herpes without knowing it before they even got married. Some people never show symptoms or very rarely have an episode. We also know nothing about any previous relationship the wife may have been involved in.

 

I fully appreciate the implication of the question and I'm not trying to duck the issue. Equally I'm not a detective and, as I said in my previous response, I'm not a medical doctor. I do however think the situation is bigger than simply pointing the finger at someone and blaming them, which I why I offered my thoughts. This is what the comments section is for and whilst my comment may not have pleased you it is my contribution from my perspective. You are welcome to yours.

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LESLIE, Community Member
7/23/09 1:08pm

I am in the same boat as you - however, I recently went to a gyn doc for a routine pap and the next day I woke up with a blister?  I went to the doc again and he said I had a staph infection.  So, then a month later I broke out in lesions so I went to a different doctor.  My husband swears he did not step out and I know I didn't so - did I get this from the docs dirty instruments? Yes, those things happen because I worked in a dental office and I seen the manager do some crazy things that were not ethical.  Anyway, I would like to suggest a lie detector test for your husband.  This is what I am going to do with my husband to see if he is lying if he is not then I will know that I got this from the gyn,  Best of luck. Leslie

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By wifeof25years, Community Member— Last Modified: 12/27/10, First Published: 05/31/08