Problem understanding Transmission

I'm not even sure if I have genital herpes yet but I'm getting my research done ahead of time since I have all the scary physical symptoms. I'd like to know how my partner can get the virus in its different stages.

1. If it is an outbreak, like what I have now  --yes, most definitely contagious..

 -through intercourse

 - through oral

 - through touching the genitals

 - through sharing towels and clothes and stuff

2. If it is in its "dormant stage" --not contagious, from what I understand, but he should still wear a condom.

So, intercourse, oral, and touching are all fair game in this stage? (but risky I know)

3. If it is in its "asymptomatic shedding" stage --as contagious as an outbreak, where we see the symptoms.

Avoid intercourse, oral and touching down there.

Side question: does everybody have symptoms inside the vagina as well that crop up the same time as visible outbreaks? If so I'm guessing fingering is a no no.

But # 3 is the doozy! If we can't see the symptoms won't that make us think the virus is "dormant", inactive, snoozing? Does this mean that we should always take all the usual precautions? When do we get a break? I don't want to die of paranoia! I've read that over time people can judge by the itchy or tingling feelings they get before reccurent outbreaks that they're probably shedding--that the virus is emptying on the surface of the skin transparently.

I understand that anti-viral medicine can significantly reduce the chances of transmitting Herpes by keeping it off the exterior of the genitals. I'm hoping this reduction in viral shedding will allow for a much more normal supply of oral, sexual and touching gratfication in the future. I don't want this disease to be as seriously contagious as it seems to people who haven't done their research.

Let me know if my predictions are safe and accurate and please add to what I should and should not do if the virus ends up living within me.