How do you tell a new love interest you have genital herpes?
I have genital herpes and I haven't dated anyone until recently. I have been dating this guy for a little over 2 months now and I'm really starting to grow fond of him. I know he is wondering what is wrong when it comes to sex. He hasn't tried much of anything, but the small sexual passes he has tried I have stopped him because I don't want to do anything sexually until I tell him I have herpes. The problem is I don't know how to tell him and lately it is eating me up inside. I don't know whether I need to discontinue talking to him or have the "talk." Everytime I play the talk in my head, I freak out and I just know he isn't going to continue talking to me anyway. I don't know what to do. He is such a good guy and I know he cares about me, but at the same time I don't know how he is going to react. The other day I told him I had something to talk about but then I chickened out, so now he really knows something is up. I'm so emotional exhausted over this, and I'm to the point I'm just ready to walk away so that I don't have to deal with it. In the beginning, I tried to be distant and discontinue talking to him, but he hasn't let me go that easily. I don't know what to do anymore. He really makes me happy, and I'm afraid if I wait any longer I'm going to get really hurt out of this. Should I tell him or just let this guy go and not date until I'm ready to have the talk? How do you tell someone you have genital herpes and them not freak out and run away? How do I approach the talk? Every thing I read says to stay strong with a positive attitude and act like its not that big of a deal. I feel like I'll just burst into tears when I start the talk. Any advise would help me at this point.
Oh trust me i fear this all the time. See the thing is hun if u take valtrex, wear condoms & make sure not to have sex when u have outbreaks there is like a 2 percent chance of catching it. You need to tell him. He thinks right now u r either going to leave him or playing a game with him or something or u r teasing him. U start somethign and dont finish it or whatever. Its very important to tell him. And please dont just have sex with him without telling him. Ive had that happen already with me. Thats how i got it. With a partner knowing he had it & didnt tell me. ERRRR If u have questions for me please hit me up.
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Jasmine
Thursday, July 30, 2009 at 12:47 AM
I totally relate to what you're saying. I must admit that I have both told and not told partners that I have HSV 2. I felt so much better when I told, and harbor a lot of guilt in the few cases where I didn't tell. I had protected sex with them, but I still am kicking myself for being so selfish! One thing that works for me is telling him in a safe situation. A face to face conversation will work for some people. For others, it's best to talk on the phone. I don't know if I would send an email or write a letter because people have been sued for giving each other STD's.
I have made a vow that I will tell any potential partner way before I am alone with him. Once he gets to know me enough to be interested, wham, I will hit him with it, expecting him to walk away or stay, and being able to handle the rejection.
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Maria
Thursday, October 29, 2009 at 11:17 AM
When i was 19 i was raped. And as if the psycological pain wasn't enough he gave me genital herpes. We never found the guy that did this to me but now ive got live with such a hard strain on my intimate life. 10 years later and I have had sex again, despite many hurdles I had to overcome within myself, and i had a loving partner for 6 years who i had told i had herpes and told him of the chance of him catching it. He was completly understanding and we had a happy relationship together. But four years ago more traged struck my world. He wad in a car accident and was painstaking ripped from my life. Ever since I have told other partners i have herpes and they have not been so understanding. By now however, i have come to realise this doesnt matter, that unless they are willing to see past that barrier they dont truely love you. I im glad to be able to talk to share this with you, and i hope you will feel confident just like I do, in true love knocking at my door.
I am 38 years old and found out that I had herpes when I was 25. I was in a committed relationship and my boyfriend failed to tell me and thats how I got it. The relationship ended when I was 29. Since then I told another guy before having sex with him. I really liked him but he listened, got up, walked out of the room and never spoke to me again. It took everything for me to gain the courage to tell him and he simply walked away without a word and avoided me since then. It just really broke my spirit. I had protected sex twice since then without telling the person and was very ashamed about that as well. I have not had sex in almost 5 years because I am so afraid of having somone walk out on me again. And I will not have sex again without telling my partner begause that's just unfair and wrong. This is the one topic that I am often very sad about because I love relationships, enjoy intimacy, believe in being honest, but I am so afraid of being rejected in such a hurtful way again. This is a hard thing to deal with and it has changed my happy spirit and unfortunately a cure seems to be so far away. I don't wish this situation on anyone because for me it has been a very lonely existance thus far. I am so happy for those who are brave enough to find love despite having herpes!