I just found out that i have genital herpes and i am devastated. I'm upset because the guy that gave it to me lied to me and said he was clean, but i found out he was lying too late. I feel that no one will want to be with me because of this. that if i meet someone and fall in love with them, that when i tell them, they will leave me. my friends and family tell me that its not true, but i feel that they don't have the disease so they don't know. i just really need some good advice from someone who knows what i'm going through.
i just read this and cried. i have herpes and i am 21 too and have had it for a yr and a half and it is soooo ahrd living with it. but it has made me so much stronger.. it weeds out the jerk guys honestly lol though i havent found anyone i try and keep my head up about it just lately i have been feeling lonely and it is hard. but thins really brought me up! thnak u!
thanks for this it really inspired me im 21 and have had herpes for about 6months you have honestly given me hope ive started lookin at my disease in a positive way it helps me get rid of the bad guys and make way for the good ones thanks soo much you dont know what it means to me
This also made me cry. I was recently diagnosed and it's been rough. I've been depressed and crying for months and I keep thinking I'm never going to find anyone. Being 20, I know no guy my age is mature enough to understand what I'm going through. My boyfriend, who gave it to me, had a cold sore in his mouth when it happened. I never knew you could get it from that. Now I'm stuck in a relationship that I don't know if I want to be in because I hate him and like him at the same time. I'm so lost, but this really inspired me. Thank you so much, I hope I will have similar experiences in later life.
I'm sorry to hear that you were recently diagnosed, but I'm glad you found this website, I think it's a great way to learn more about herpes and to learn ways to cope that have worked for others. I just wanted to say try not to hate him, I know thats much easier said than done because we want to blame someone (well I know I did lol), but I can almost bet my life that he feels guilty for giving it to you and if he could turn back time he probably would. Give yourself some time to heal and think about everything before you kick him to the curb. Hope everything works out just the way you want it to =]]]
Thank you so much for this post. I just developed symptoms 3 days ago that have developed into a full-blown onslaught. I'm about to tell the man I've been dating for two months (the man I decided after our first date that I wanted to marry) that I have herpes. I'm so scared that I gave it to him without knowing. That is, by far, my largest concern. Nobody deserves that. And to have hurt someone that I love is unbearable.
In the back of my mind through all of this was a voice saying "This doesn't make me any different from who I was before this outbreak. I'm still a good, strong, loving person who will do a lot of good for this world." But the part of me that's scared, the part that grew up in a society that places a premium on purity and virginity, that part is So Damn Scared. I feel dirty, I feel like a slut (an outdated and ridiculous term), and I feel undeserving of anyone's love. But you reminded me that a virus doesn't change the person I am, the person my boyfriend fell in love with.
I am more important than a virus. So are you.
i've had herpes for about 7yrs now and its still hard to deal with like u said i have my good days and bad, just now i was sitting at my computer wondering will someone love me if i tell them I have this..i try to avoid dating and when i do date i get sorry men because thats what i feel i deserve but your message has really given me the courage to life my head and feel i do derserve better..So I thank you. I feel so blessed to had come across this site its nice to know your not alone and just to have someone to chat with so thank you so much..
Hi, reading your post did make me feel better and more confident in telling the new guy i have been dating. I still wanted to ask you if you were ever rejected and how did it feel?
I have had my fair share of male rejection over the years but not a one because of herpes. If that ever does happen though then I know that the person who rejected me is not a person I want to be with. Stay strong, and if he rejects you then keep moving forward :)
I'm glad that it helped! It makes me feel very good to know that my experience can help others, and I'm very glad that you are starting to feel like you deserve more than sorry men, because we all do. I love reading the nice things that people say about my post and I know that something good definitely came out of me having to cope with an STD.
Thank you for telling me that, and I'm so glad that it can help you in a moment of need. I know how hard it is to talk to people when I get down about it and thats why I joined this site and I love knowing that I helped someone, even if for a moment and in a small way. I hope everything goes well for you, and everyone who has responded, everything happens for a reason and were pretty lucky people to have this site to turn to in times of need.
I found out that I have herpes a week ago. It was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. The only thing going through my brain was "how could this happen to me" and "no one will ever love me again" or "I'll be stuck with my current boyfriend forever" this post helped me see this in a new light. Thank you so much for your story as I think it gives everyone a little piece of mind. I'm so glad your life worked out the way it did.
I'm 24 years old and have only had sex a hanfull of times, and have only had 4 partners. I hadn't had sex in 2 years and just 2 weeks ago hooked up with a friend of mine. A week later we had sex again. I started noticing bumps 2-3 days later and a tiny bit of itching in the vaginal area (didn't think much of it, being as everyting occasionally itches. Anyways it's been a week since the last time I had sex and the 2 bumps on my inner thighs had opened and are now scabs and I have noticed 3 more bumps closer to my crotch area. I've been checking out the internet for 3 days and am almost 100% sure I have herpes. I'm trying not to freak out or think about it. But I've always been the good girl, never had a boyfriend, always been strong and able to handle my own. There was at least a year between each time I ever had sex. And now thinking about having herpes I'm so scared I wont find anyone. I don't even know who to tell. Or who to talk to. I feel tarnished. I dont want to get tested. I don't want to know for sure. I will not have sex, that's for sure. But I need to tell the guy I slept with last. At the same time, will he tell our friends? I know 1 out of every 5 people have herpes but I don't know anyone who does. I want to tell my mom... but I still think she thinks I'm a virgin. How to deal? How to deal? And who can I trust?
Wow, I have been reading everones posts and it has helped me somewhat!! I am 48 years old and I found out 2 years ago that I contracted Herpes from someone that lied to me someone that I love and cared for well we are no longer toegther after three years I thonk I stayed with him longer because I didnt think anyone else would ever have me because of the STD. I have since dated and have always been upfront (yes terrifing ) and I have been rejected wich is very hard to take. Recently someone that I really care for came back into my life. I told him after a few weeks only because I care so much for him that the thought of falling more in love with him and him rejecting me was playing on my mind. Well he is still my boyfrind but we haven't really talked to much about it since leaving me feeling very vunerable.......will he stay willl he go................I hate this, but it's something that I will have to live with the rest of my life. If someone cant get past the STD part and see how great of a person you are well then I guess they are not right for you. That being said it does not help that rejection part that goes on in your head, after all nobody wants to be rejected.
Guess I have to love myself and hope that someone will love me STDs and all :)
i thank you for this because i am 18 yrs old and i think i have herpes, not positive..but honestly nothing else really does that to someones body. i am absolutely terrified and keep breaking down at the thought of never having a husband and family, which is something i have always wanted. your post gave me hope and whenever i feel down about this...i will read your post and remember there is still hope.
i am sorry your bofriend is a cheater i am a guy and i wish u could talk to u. so here is my dads # 702 6061277
Aww you are a sweet guy. I want to thank everyone who has posted on this page. I stumbled upon it and I am so glad I did. I have had genital herpes for almost three years. I am 23. It doesn't get a a whole lot easier (my own personal experience) but I am learning slowly that it does not define me. ANd yes, you would be surprised to know that a lot of men, good men at least, are very understanding. Good luck to everyone, and please never forget, you are not defined by your virus, but by how you lead your life. Much love to all :)
ya know the one thing about some guys are they tend to look at a womans body more than her heart and forget she is a human being. I've never hit a woman in my life but with the way the world has become not even having a heart like mine is enough to prove that im not like most men. Real love is not that hard to find its just hard as heck to find it with the right person. I've been looking for my soulmate all my life and I don't look at stuff like STD or any of that to stop a man from loving a woman even if the man dont have it he should be willing to still love that woman with all of his heart. Its not what the woman is carrying that makes her who she is its her heart that makes her the kind of woman she is.
i am 32 i have had herpese for 31/2 years. i am still depressed about it. I feel like i am the only one in the world with it. My family and friends tell me it is going to be okay but deep sown inside i do not believe that. I feel alone and want someone to talk to. I have tried to date but they do not seem to want me. They claim they are alright with it then the next day they do not talk to me. It is making me feel more and more depressed. I cry everyday i am crying as i am writing this. I just want someone to love me for who i am. i just want an understanding to how to live with this situation. Please help. thanks
wow! i know that this post is years old, but thank you....
I have just read your story and it too moved me to tears. You are so right. I have been there myself, as I have had HSV2 and HPV for ten years now. He did it on purpose. I think it makes us slightly more worthy being treated carefully emtionally by potentional boyfriends because we have had to go through the trauma of being given this in the first place. All the best of luck to you, I hope you have a brilliant new year.
im 21 years old i was dianosed with herpies a year ago but i was raped i meet this wounderful guy that accept me n didnt care i endend up passinf it to him we datted for 4 months n we broke up because of my attiutde n my stubborness so we r no longer together n now he hates me even more n when i was with him i forgot i had herpies until i had a outbreak now that we r broken up and ne never wants to be with me ever i feel like im suffering cus not everyone lucky i had guys tell me im gross dont talk to them they dont even want to be friends with me because of my std i feel like he was the only one fo me n i think about him day in day out n he just hates me n he sayed he dont need a girlfriend o need sex but he has herpies so without being with him my pain comes back everyday n i hate my self day in day out i just feel like dieing
Hi, so I'm a 19 year old female... I was diagnosed with HSV 1 about a year ago when i was 18.. My boyfriend of over a year was the one who gave it to me.. The worst part is we were both virgins and ive only ever slept with him and vice versa. He had never before gotten a cold sore on his mouth so how would he know he had it.. he gave it to me oprally because he must have been shedding the virus at the time. but we had already been having sexual relations for almost a year. One day i woke up and got in the shower and felt down there to clean myself and felt all of these sore painful bumps.. I FREAKED out. The only thing i could think of was that he had cheated.. i knew i hadnt even kissed another person since we'd been together and i had no clue you could get herpes from the common cold sore-- which we also had no idea he had in the first place either-- we had already been having relationship issues.. this had only made it worse. We're still together till this day.. Its been almost 2 and half years now. I love him very very much and i want to be with him, but his mother is crazy controlling and because i stopped letting her manipulate me she decided she didnt like me anymore.. the problem is we both feel like were soul mates but his mom doesnt want us together now.. so idk if were gonna be able to stay together and im devastated, so much because i love him and want to be with him so bad, hes the nicest sweetest guy ive ever met. hes my bestfriend... and then im also so scared to be without him because i feel like nobody will ever love me again... i feel like im damaged goods. i just want to be happy and loved. i dont see how this ever could have happened to me. im literally the nicest person, i never like being mean to anyone and i was always a good girl. i waited until i was 100% in love and in a relationship where i was positive he was my soulmate to have sex.. ive only been with him.. and yet i get herpes! how is that fair?! and now im just so depressed... since ive been with him and got diagnosed ive leaned on him to help me through it and hes comforted me, and i havent had to think of the consiquences sexually either, he would still go down on me-- because i mean thats where i got it from in the first place, his mouth-- and we still would make unprotected love.. but now thinking that we might have to break up -- and not even because we want to!--- i just cant imagine being able to date anymore. nobody will understand.. i can just picture being with someone and the second i mention i have herpes theyll run away.. all ive ever wanted was to find love and get married and have lots of babies.. but now i feel like i cant.. nobdoy can love me like this. why would someone want damaged goods?.. im just in the lowest place possible. reading your stories helped.. but i still cant seem to see how someone could love me anymore.. i mean from what i can remember dating was hard enough! and how i have a permanent STD!! im just tired of this life.. i feel like ive tried so hard my whole life and for what?! people are mean, i always get screwed over because im too nice and people take advantage of me.. whats the point? and now that i might be single again and i have herpes. i just dont know if i can handle it on my own, with nobody to love me.. i dont think i can do it.
Thank you so much for this. I'm only 19 and I was officially diagnosed a few weeks ago and I've been having such a hard time accepting it. I was in dinial for months, but once I got that phone call I knew there was no more denying it. I hold so much resentment towards my ex boyfriend for giving it to me because I had no idea he even had it. I feel like he lied to me because when I told him, his response was so vacant. He didn't care and he wasn't even sorry. I've been wishing for an apology I know I'll never get. I've been so afraid to even try to venture out into the dating world. But you've helped me realize that if someone is going to love me, they'll love me for who I am and if they don't, it's their loss. I know I'm still going to have a lot of struggles ahead of me with this disease, but now I know that it doesn't define me as a person. I am not herpes, I am a human being and I deserve to be loved. Again, thank you so much for sharing your experience. You really are a strong, amazing woman.
I am 19 years old about to be 20 in a few months. I feel the exact same way as you, and I felt that messaging you would be the best idea. It would be really nice to have a friend my age, with the same disease, someone to talk to that completely understands, because I feel that I am alone.
hi herp_girl. not sure how i ended up on this site but im glad i did. im 22and happen to feel much the same way.i wish i could just be able to talk to some one who has the simmilar isuses like i do and would under stand. i hate the feeling or even the thought of being alone and hav felt this way for a while longer than this issue has been going on.i know that randomly talking to some one might be odd but im thinking that it could be a good idea at the time being. not sure who you were msg. exactly but if you'ed like friend/another friend to talk to let me know.
I just came in contact with the virus almost 3 moths ago and sometimes I feel super sad because I feel like I'm the only one that lives with this illness also. I try to keep my head up and I try telling myself "illnes or no illnes, I'm still me" I would love to talk to you and be friends. Is there a way I can give you my email.
Hi, I'm 25 years old and just diagnose with HSV-1&2 last week and I'm still trying to process it. I feel disgusting every time i look in the mirror. I don't see myself the same anymore. Just one stupid mistake of letting my guard down once can cause this. I trusted him. But i guess it just goes to show how much someone means to you when they go mess around behind your back. But it is what it is and after reading your post it kind of help me look at things in a differ perspective. I thought i was ALONE. but I'm not. Because i can't talk to friends about this because i sometimes hear them making jokes about ppl that have herpes and it hurts but i don't say anything but. Anyway i just want to say thank you for v your post. And I'm going to continue with the things i wanted to do without someone holding me back. Ha, kinda works out in a crazy way. But thanks ag again.
I'm only 20 years old and I'm going to my doctor tomorrow to get myself tested. And I am hoping that I don't have it. But even if I do I won't let it stop me from being who I am. I do however have that fear of not being wanted because of this. And reading your comment has given me hope that there really are guys like you out there. I truly hope you find what your looking for. You deserve it. :)
Just to let you know... my boyfriend recently brought up the subject of marriage and kids (he doesn't have herpes and I do). I don't know if it will happen for us as we've got plenty to talk about our relationship, but I just wanted you to know that it can happen for people with herpes!!! The issues between us deciding whether to have a family together have nothing to do with herpes - he knows there's a small chance he could catch it from me, but he is not particularly worried and we will work out the practicallities (antivirals etc) if we get there. Good luck and best wishes x :-)
For people with herpes, it is harder to date someone without the virus. Joining herpes dating sites like HerpesFish.com will make things easier. Nobody will refuse you just because of the virus. Never worry about the "Talk" again! "
Maybe you can learn something from this story:
I have been lucky enough to meet someone who knows my entire history and completely accepts it as well myself with an open heart. When I was first infected, I felt hopeless, alone, and ashamed. Never would I have imagined that someone would look past this burden, especially someone who didn't have anything remotely similar to it. I am so thankful though. I am thankful that there are people out there who love for the right reasons, whether they be a family member, a friend, or a partner. Love is a powerful entity. And I truly believe that it can overcome anything. The website HerpesFish.com gave me the courage to admit to my disease. I had trouble coming to terms with it and avoided dating because of this. HerpesFish.com let me know that I wasn't alone and that plenty of people had experienced what I had. This knowledge gave me the power to admit to who I was and what baggage I came with, which allowed me to have an open and honest relationship with my hubby.
Maybe you can learn something from this story from a real woman with herpes:
I have been lucky enough to meet someone who knows my entire history and completely accepts it as well myself with an open heart. When I was first infected, I felt hopeless, alone, and ashamed. Never would I have imagined that someone would look past this burden, especially someone who didn't have anything remotely similar to it.
I am so thankful though. I am thankful that there are people out there who love for the right reasons, whether they be a family member, a friend, or a partner. Love is a powerful entity. And I truly believe that it can overcome anything.
The website HerpesFish.com gave me the courage to admit to my disease. I had trouble coming to terms with it and avoided dating because of this. HerpesFish.com let me know that I wasn't alone and that plenty of people had experienced what I had. This knowledge gave me the power to admit to who I was and what baggage I came with, which allowed me to have an open and honest relationship with my hubby.
I myself have had genital herpes for several years. Way back when, I felt like I had to navigate the waters all by myself.I personally have found peace and happiness at herpes dating site like herpespal and PS . If you haven’t, you will. Ignorance and denial is not the solution. Be informed… learn the truth…
I just read this, and I have herpes. I cry pretty much every day, because I feel no man will ever want a girl like me that's been violated and tampered with too many times. I feel that no man will ever want to be with me. My family knows, and some of my friends, and they are always telling me that I will find someone, but all I can do is cry when their talking to me, because I know the truth. I am only 19 years old, and the guy I am with, I gave it to, Unknowingly. I had no idea that I had it, and ever since then he is constantly using it against me. I don't see a happy relationship in the future with kids or a family for me. It has been almost a year that I have been with this guy, and all I feel is hurt, because he says that I have ruined his life, and I know, but I didn't know when it happened, and It's not fair because I love him, but he treats me so bad. I know I deserve better than that, but I feel I will never find that amazing man, because like I said, no guy wants to be with me, with a girl like me. Reading this made me cry, and I am still crying writing this message. It's so beautiful that you found someone, but I feel that I don't have the balls to tell a man that I am growing on, like hey I have herpes, do you still want to marry me and have a family with me? I wish that there was a town that everyone had herpes, and I could just be normal again, because I don't feel normal anymore.
So many people are in your situation. I am. I still have my hard days, but most of the time I don't think about it. I just started dating a guy a little over 2 months ago, and I haven't gotten the balls to have the talk with him. I'm so scared like you are, but I also feel that the more time passes the more it will just be a part of your life. A lot of people date with genital herpes. I think the hardest part is actually telling someone and fearing that rejection that could possibly come along with sharing a very intimate detail. I can't tell you from personal experience because I haven't told anyone yet. But, you will meet someone that will be ok with it. Its just getting pass that fear of telling them. I know what helped me to stop being depressed over it is that I stopped reading online about it. That was making me miserable because the internet made me feel like it was a horrible thing. Its best to just continue living your life.
take valtrex and you won't have outbreaks. take extra if you do. peanut butter and jello will make you break out. it's the worst when you first contract it. then, left untreated, will manifest itself at the base of your tailbone and labia. now i just get it on my labia (sp?) but i don't even think about it anymore. got it when i was 15 and am now 51. the person that gave it to me i dumped as i was so young and in shock. he just recently 'friended me' on facebook. lol. it's no biggie. it's a part of my life. just another pill to take. i'm married 20 yrs. haven't given it to my hub yet. hope this helps. and i hope my i.d. stay anony muss ha!!
I would really like to talk to some one who has been going threw this for a long time . If you find in your heart can u reply
hi work in progress. i absolutely know what ur feeling i been crying all day trying to accept this. someone will love u. my husband is in prison and i had to tell him about this. he said he would never leave me for any reason. its a complicated situation. he didnt give it to me and he doesnt have it but we'll work thru it. i feel dirty and useless but he is there for me and tries to encourage me so i believe u will find love. true love and ill be praying for u
how old are you<3
Love will come, i promise. I felt cheated. My first ever boyfriend was amazing. He told me he was a virgin and so was i, so we didn't use a condom. 3 weeks later i'm in the gyno getting the news. I was devastated. I cried for atleast a month straight (I was 16.) I'm 21 now and still have the hard days. I remember my first drunken hook up and feeling so horrible about it. I had to tell him, but it was so hard to get the words out. He didn't freak out at all. I explained i wasn't having an outbreak but he should definitely watch it. He pretty much shrugged it off and said if "i get it, i get it." We ended up dating for 2 and a half years after that, no condoms used, and he never got it to my knowledge.
I've had 3 outbreaks since he gave it to me. The first was the worst and lasted 3 wks, the 2nd i barely even noticed, and my last was a little after my 21st when i had a bitttt too much to drink and even it wasn't that bad.
There are so many people out there who have herpes that it really isn't that big of a deal anymore. I know a lot of my friends joke about it (they don't know i have it) but you can just let it roll off your back. I sometimes find myself laughing at their jokes.
anyway, off my soap box, any guy worth dating wont care if you have it. just don't start off with hooking up. Casual sex really isn't in your future, but thats a GOOD THING! I know so many people who are pregnant from random sex and honestly i'd rather have the herp. The STD doesn't define you, but your personality, values, and beauty inside and out.
i have it also.......I have it for almost 7 years now. The first time I got it, I just ignored it and never had any relationship for a while..... everything was fine until i meet this girl that i wanted to marry.... but because of the herpes situation and i don't want her to end up like me..... started to avoid her because of my situation.... between that 7 year period..... everytime i met a girl, i always end up avoiding them even though they want to do it but i don't because of the situation..... i am lost until now and i don't know what to do???
Hi. I'm 28, I've had herpes for the last 3 years, from my ex fiancee's cold sore. At the moment we had the outburst together, it didn't seem to matter much, since we were going to get married anyway. It's been a year since we have been separated and recently I went through my first hooha burning away from him, and I went through one of the worst emotional rollercoaster during the suffering, I honestly wanted to injure him, cursed a hundred things, (If I were to encounter him by chance, I would react violently, I hope he stays the hell away from me) And now, no matter how many men are interested in me, I have no desire to open myself to anyone. None of my friends or family know about this, and I am afraid of being judged for what happened out of innocence/ignorance.
The fact that I have to tell someone about this is a shame, I was feeling very alone and sad about this until I've decided to look for comments of people who went through similar experience. Thanks to all of you, I don't feel so alone anymore, and now I know this is not a rare case.
I really want to find someone to settle down with, and it's been hard to even think about opening myself up to others because of this. I hope it won't affect me for too long, I deserve to be happy.
I read this and I'm almost in tears right now. I got it from a pro athlete that I'd known for years. He KNEW he had it, but never bothered to tell me, even after I found out he lied about having the disease. I still worry about finding someone who will truly love me even with the disease. I'm so ashamed and embarrassed. :( I sporadically cry all theeee tiiime. BUT..I have friends (one of whom is a nurse) who have found happiness and a mate that loves them regardless. And after several years, my friends have been successful at not spreading the disease. This gives me hope. Hold your head high, pray, smile, and you will get a loving person that you DESERVE. Don't worry. I promise everything will be ok
It felt a little better for me to read all of your posts. I am a 32 year-old single professional and I found out a week ago that I have GH. I had suspected it 2 weeks before that when I started getting extreme itchiness and then painful outbreaks (which I still have). I vacillate between total disbelief and consuming self-hatred for getting myself in this situation. I had gotten this far without any STDs, and was always SO careful about making sure any guy was tested before sex -- even with a condom. I've only had sex with 3 people in my life, which is a lot fewer than anyone else I know my age (who is single). My friends even used to make fun of me for being so paranoid. Then, I made ONE mistake a month ago -- and it wasn't even sex. We got carried away and he just rubbed against me for a little before I told him to stop. I feel SO dumb to not realize how risky that was. It would have been less risky to just have had sex with a condom! I was always the "good girl" -- pretty, lots of friends, smart. I didn't think this could happen to me, or that I'd be so stupid to let myself be put in this position. I am an Ivy-League educated person, and I'm embarrassed to say that I didn't even know that herpes could be contracted from skin-to-skin contact without any exchange of fluids.
I am completely disgusted and angry with myself for being such a complete idiot, and very scared about what is to come. I'm also VERY worried that I will never find someone and not be able to have a family. I was already feeling like time was running out before this happened -- I am going to be 33 soon! -- and now to have this happen is just devastating. I know that it is possible that a guy I'm dating will accept it and me, but to be perfectly honest, if the situation were reversed and I were negative and I liked a guy who was positive, and he told me, I'm really not so sure I'd stick around! Plus, even if he does accept it initially, if he ever contracts it from me, I could see him becoming resentful. Before this, I was scared that I would be alone forever, and now with it, I am downright terrified.
I have been so depressed over this for over a week that I haven't even gotten out of bed. I haven't eaten. I can't sleep more than 3-4 hours a night at most (and fitfully). I have no motivation for anything. My family and friends don't know what is with me because I just dropped out of life. On top of this, I got laid off so I was already depressed before this. Now I feel like I have nothing.
I haven't told anyone -- my family would never understand, they are very conservative. Plus, I don't even have a boyfriend, so they would be doubly as judgmental. I haven't told any of my friends either because I know that they will treat me like a pariah. I feel so alone and full of despair.
Chelsea, your story just sounds so sad. It is horrible that it had to happen to you because you certainly don't desrve this horrible desease. Even though you are angry with yourself for getting it, you should learn to accept things for how they are. If situation cannot be changed than there is no point to cry over spilled milk. I know that it is easier said than done, but I think I accepting our problems is the first step to overcoming them.
We have very similar stories. I'm currently in graduate school in the medical field and just found out a few days ago that I contracted GH. Like you, I did not know that all that needed to happen was a little skin-to-skin contact. It's unfortunate that such cautious people as ourselves ended up with this. While I was upset to hear the news, I honestly finally felt relief. In the days leading up to my appointment, I knew something was wrong and was extremely stressed. Like you I was not eating, being myself, etc. I only told one of my best friends and my sister. I know my parents would never understand, as they are very conservative like yours. Maybe I'm being way too positive and naive, but I really do truly believe that if someone loves me, they will be able to get past this. Our love lives are not over. We have so much to offer! We are young, hot, smart women! Luckily, when we do find someone we care about and want to date, we can take suppressive medication that dramatically reduces our risk of passing the disease to them. Do not be disgusted with yourself, this disease affects 1/4 women and can happen to anyone! I'm not a very religious person, but sometimes I think we experience these types of things in our lives to challenge us and to guide us in the right direction. Keep your head up! I know it's tough!
Herpes is a virus which, like flu and other viruses, does not choose people due to thier brains, profession or education. I work for the health service in psychological therapy and, like yourself, felt like a stupid person for not protecting myself. I looked around me at the clever, well dressed, 'clean', highly educated people and felt like a dirty lepper inside with an awful secret. I risked confiding in a couple of girl friends - one is a teacher who just laughed and said that she knows a few people who have it and not to worry, and the other friend who is a vet said she has it, and before she realised she accidentally gave it to her husband. They both seemed to wonder what I was making a fuss about.
I have a boyfriend now - he's a well educated, highly qualified and experienced nurse - he is handsome and looks gorgeous when he is dressed in a linen suit! He isn't worried about my herpes. You would be suprised when you go to a lovely concert at the philharmonic, a lecture on psychology or a dance with your graduate friends - there will be a few people there who have herpes. Don't be too hard on yourself, and good luck!
P.S. My boyfriend is a Catholic with fairly conservative views about women - I met him on a Christian dating web site. He accepts that I made a human mistake and doesn't think less of me as a person. I know it can be hard and scary - my family would also be shocked, but I hope my story gives you some hope that things will work out for you x
Hi Chelsea and Elizabeth,
I need to thank you for your posts. I am an extremely educated professional who has always been careful with sex and unfortunately had a "whoops" moment. As a result, I contracted GH recently and I have been in a severe state of depression. My biggest fear is that I will be alone and single the rest of my life and that no man will ever love me. Your stories give me hope. I think I am funny, pretty and a good catch....other than this horrible virus. Im hoping the love of my life will realize that I am worth the risk.
I have started taking supressive therapy.
About three days after sex with someone that I had been seeing for two years I started to feel a tingling, tight sensation near what would become the affected area. I didn't think too much of it at the time and mentioned it to him. We had sex again and I noticed it hurt. Symptoms continued for a week. On a Sunday night we had sex but I told him that it was hurting. I felt the sex area and I was blistering. He seemed unconcerned. I went home and wondered what was up. He had cheated multiple times previously so I thought I might be getting something. I woke up on Monday and it I just KNEW I had herpes. I made an appointment immediately. I called him and he still seemed unconcerned. The doctor diagnosed me with herpes and tried to console me by saying that she too had it and it was more of a 'stigma' and reassured, 'it won't be that bad'. I called my boyfriend and told him he needed to get tested immediately. He didn't seem panicked. I immediately did as much research as I could. I went to him. He swore he never had herpes. I was doubtful. I continued my research and became convinced that he was lying. He claimed he went to the doctor and got a blood test and it came back negative. THe doctor gave him a prescription for Valtrex. When I went to get some of his Valtrex, I noticed that it was a giant bottle and that he had ripped the label off. I checked his arm and there was no needle mark from the blood test. I later read on the internet that a doctor won't give you a prescrip for Valtrex if you don't have herpes. I continued my research going as far as trying to locate the lot # of the bottle and calling his pharmacies to see if he picked up the prescription for Valtrex. The pharmacies he claimed he used had no record of him. I told him that I believed he had had herpes all along and didn't tell me. He kept denying it. I said I couldn't see him anymore. During the herpes outbreak I had to cancel work because of my severe flu symptoms. The breakout was not near as annoying as the terrible lethargy. About two weeks after my accusing him, he showed up at my house and told me that he did indeed have herpes and had had it for 10 years. He caught it while cheating on his wife. He begged me to forgive him and come back. I saw him but didn't forgive him and told him that I never could. He continued to belittle my herpes by calling it 'a skin condition'. Anytime I had symptoms (I never had a repeat breakout after the first one-just mild flu symptoms. I took Valtrex or Acyclovir every day) he would mock me or poo poo my complaints. I continued to see him because I couldn't bear(or is it 'bare?') the thought of trying to see someone new. I would never do to another what he did to me and I hated myself for continuing to see him. He let me suffer all the while knowing he could've immediately told the truth, given me his Valtrex thus lessening my symptoms and begged forgiveness then. Even when he said he was sorry I never bought it. To this day he's given no indication that he's aware of the seriousness of his actions. I know for certain he has sex with other girls and doesn't tell them he has herpes too.
There are guys that will like you and be able to excuse the fact that you have herpes. I think most people aren't aware of the facts about herpes. It's not like we're running around with blister breakouts 24/7 but we just have to pay attention more than the average person. Being honest upfront is the only way to be or you become a gigantic douche like my ex. I knew he was a jerk from day one but I went against my gut and look where it got me?
Taking Acyclovir everyday can stop shedding up to 95%. My ex's wife never got herpes in the ten years they remained married.
My self esteem has plummeted, though it shouldn't have. I know that. It's a daily struggle to deal with this. Maybe if the douchebag had been a lot more contrite I could handle this better. The fact that he remains heartless bothers me probably more than this virus.
Im sorry to hear this happened to you. I got it the same way, from a lying jerk....I was 20 and still today (Im 23) it seems so unfair but it really does make you a better person in the long run because it makes you get to know people before jumping into anything physical. im gald there are sights like these where people with similar issues can come and vent and support each other. Thank you for your post. Stay strong, and take it day by day...that's all we can do :)
I can honestly say being a man that has a very big heart that I do not have a problem with loving a woman that has Genital Herpes or anything like that for that matter. Thats not what makes you who are your heart does and I wish with all of my heart women would realize good men still exist because were the ones that want to see you happy
You got nothing to worry about hun. I am a 22 yr. old male and I have Genital Herpes, I was with a woman who wasent clean nor did she tell me (but she may not have even known) You can get genital herpes and it not even surface, give signs, or develop into genital warts for up to a year or two after catching it.
After I realized I had these small bumps on my manhood, I went and got checked. I wasent devistated, or struck in the heart but I felt.....empty, knowing that I could never be with a woman again (or so I thought)
However I met a girl online and we talked for months on Skype and through emails and videochat, fell deeply in love with one another. Thing is she lived in Brazil and im in the US. Needless to say, before I spent the time and money to get her here, I had to have a talk with her about my "condition" to my surprise she took it as if it didnt mean a thing. She simply said "The strand that causes warts are not deadly or cancerous so I dont care, and even if you had that strand, we would use protection. I love you" So now she is here, we are married and living a happy life together.
From then on I knew, it just takes a special person, sure you may not get flings anymore, but when true love comes along it will always overpower your condition.
I love your success story - and it is so true - herpes does not matter when you are sharing real love. My partner and I have the usual problems couples have - who does the chores, if his snoring keeps me awake, if I'm moody at times of the month! - we never had a row about herpes - it doesn't matter! Best wishes and happiness in your marriage
I caught genital herpes 3 and a half years ago from a very nasty ex boyfriend who cheated on me and left me with the virus. I was so devastated and depressed I became underweight and ill. My immune system isn't very good so even now (I'm 21 as well) I have outbreaks every 2 weeks. I try not to think about it, but it doesn't help when you get a fortnightly reminder in the shape of a horrible ex :(I was convinced I'd be alone forever, and when a guy showed any interest I ran away terrified. However, things have got better, Since that ex I have dated three guys. I sat down with each one beforehand and told them everything, told them if they wanted a relationship with me then they would have to appreciate the risk that came with us having sex. Maybe it's because I chose decent guys, but none of them hardly batted an eyelid. And I never passed it on, and I really hope I don't in the future *touch wood*As you go through life, you'll learn to notice when you're getting an OB and learn how to deal with it. Fortunately mine seem to come with the time of the month so i've never really had to do the 'Sorry we can't have sex today, herpes says no'. I guess in a way like many other people have said, it does mature you and make you more responsible. I always feel like life has been so unfair to me, and I don't deserve this, but I guess you have to remember life isn't fair, and so many other people are dealing with it as well. You arn't alone
I just found out that i have genital herpes approx two hours ago and I am shocked still. I am 21 years old and I am just starting my life. I am not in a relationship and right now I feel I am NEVER going to be in one. How am I ever going to cope with this? I have not told anyone! I am so embrassed.. PLEASE HELP!
SCARED AND SHOCKED
I was in the same boat as you a few years ago. I thought that no one would want to be with me because of it. I met a wonderful man who completely accepted it and we have recently gotten married. The point is, more people are accepting of than you think. There are some people that won't accept it, but those people are toxic for you anyway. You should just continue living your life as you normally would. I got the disease in 2009 and I have had 2 outbreaks and that was it. Haven't had anything since. You'll be fine and you'll leave to cope with it. Don't let it consume you!
Thanks for your response. Since the time that I have found out that I had herpes I have found an amazing man that loves me for me. I told him about it and he accepted it. I feel so much better and have accepted it myself, I remember I use to think of it everyday feeling so disgusted in myself now I barely think of it and sometimes I forget I have it. So I guess I am responding back to you letting you know that you are right. I am fine and it no longer consumes me at all.
I am 32 years old and I was just diagnosed yesterday. I am devastated! I can't stop crying and I am making myself ill. I made some poor choices when I was younger, too many sex partners, but I used protection. I was raped when I was 19 and again when I was 21. That made me feel like sex wasn't special. I had matured and truly changed my life especially since having my son back in 2006. I have been lonely only meeting men who expect sex up front and that was not what I want for myself. I want love....real love. I started dealing with someone from my past and allowed him around my child which I don't normally do. I had sex with him without a condom a few times and have had a horrible feeling ever since. That promted me to be seen. I learned that the test for herpes is not done on a routine std check, so I don't have proof of whether it was him or if I have had it for many years. I have never had an outbreak. I always thought they were testing for it.
I had tried talking to him, but he said he doesn't have anything and wouldn't even consider what I told him about people being asymptomatic. I asked several times when was the last time he was checked out and he would not answer me. A mutual friend informed me that he has been known to sleep with anyone. I wish I had known this before we got involved. I asked if he had been with anyone else without a condom and his answer was that he has a child. His daughter is 14 years old. This let's me know he hasn't been up fro t and honest because lot has happened in 14 years! I truly believe he gave this to me!
I feel like my life is over. I feel like I am being punished for things I did 15+ years ago. I want to find love and a father for my son (his father is not in the picture) but who will love me now? I had a hard time finding love before the diagnosis. I am crying as I type this...I just don't know what to do. I feel ashamed and so alone! I just don't understand why bad things always happen to me. My heart is crushed.
Nothing is official yet.. however I've been researching it since my syptoms started. The onset was almost immediate... and painfully awful. I thought that maybe it was just a pimple the day after my ex and I had sex, but it doesn't look or feel like a pimple. My ex and I have always had a complicated relationship to add up to it. I'm a complete moron for sleeping with him AGAIN. When we were dating, he'd get me completely sloshed, and then I would wake up and he'd be having sex with me even though I had told him no. Even when I wasn't drunk he'd do the same thing. He was basically raping me for three years, on and off. This last time he asked if we could go grab a few drinks, "as friends". We did, and I woke up in my house and there he was plowing away, I told him to stop because he was being too rough. Then I went to sleep. I woke up and he was leaving, saying something about it being too hot. I retorted with maybe it's just your conscience... did I mention he has a girlfriend? I knew that he had raped me again, and I was numb. The next day I was sore, and I hurt. The day after that [yesterday] I devoloped bumps... super painful bumps. I called my doctor today and set up an appointment for tomorrow morning. I already know that it's herpes though. I feel like my entire life is over. I can't date ever again. I go to a smallish school. If I tell someone the entire University will know. I just want to die.
I contracted herpes when I was 19 and I'm now 35. It was the first time I had sex and of course I was devastated. I figured "I don't want to use protection my first time because I want to feel everything." That was the biggest mistake of my life. I just recently got dumped by my now ex-boyfriend and it took him 5 months to finally admit that he broke up with me because I have herpes. He says he will always love and care for me but he just doesn't feel comfortable continuing the relationship because he can't have "all of me" the way he wants. At first I felt very rejected and hurt because he was the love of my life. Then when I got to thinking of his reason it made me slightly angry at the fact that all the good that we had he was willing to throw away because he felt that he could never perform oral sex on me. He never even wanted to try using a dental dam. After reading some of these comments, I realize that he isn't the one for me because he was taking a selfish approach to our relationship and felt like it wasn't worth that minor sacrifice. I do feel down and out sometimes, wondering if I will ever be completely loved and that's what brought me to this site. It is true, we have to be positive in our thinking because thoughts can manifest themselves. There are millions of people living with the disease and I believe a large amount of them having loving and lasting relationships. These people that reject us need to understand that we could have easily not said anything and that it takes a lot of courage to admit that we have the disease. i wish you all the best of luck.
i am 19 and i found out 2 weeks ago i had HSV-1 from oral sex. I have been with the same guy for a year, and HSV1 runs in his family, they all get cold sores. It's not somthing he knew he could pass around. I accepted the fact that I had the disease from him, and he did also. He was there for me at the doctors when they gave me the news, and it hit him just as hard as it hit me.. because he knew he had given them to me. I was fine, and totally acceptence of the diagnosis. I'm young and I thought this was love. We've been together a year without any problems... and I thought, well hey.. I'm going to marry this guy someday, and he gave this to me.. we can live happy with herpes together. But, today.. that all ended. He broke up with me, so he could go out and party with other girls. While I sat at home and cried, devistated. I feel as if, no one will ever accept me or want to be with me because of it. I also feel as though I could never say "hey, i have herpes..will you still be with me" I feel like I'm going to be rejected many many times.. After he left me tonight, I am feeling very depressed, and even thoughts of ending my life have crossed my mind. I never imagined my life without him, and not to mention... ive never imagined my life with herpes.
I found out that i have herpes 3 months into my pregnancy. My son is now almost 3 months old i have not told my sons father that i have herpes. Me and his father is going through some really rough times like me and him are fighting over custody ove my son but im still madly in love with him but my family hates his guts and i don't know if i should tell my baby's father or not please let me know. I really need help with this
im a single man 24 years old i dont have herpes but just reading these i dont think it would really affect who i date long as shes honest and lets me know the deal...i wouldnt say thats a great ice breaker maybe wait ti the 3rd date and let him know what happened ..... i more than likely wouldnt be going down on you lol plus i hate that anyways ...but you girls need to realize this is a common issue among people. the truth will set you free
This was even faster than I could dream of. Thank you Dr. Agbalazzy for taking time to listen to me and answering all my emails. I feel emotional strong again. My confidence is back and I see my future clearly. I am forever grateful for your help in re-uniting me with my old lover.If also going true a lot of problem in your Marriage or with someone you truly do love, If you truly wish and believe Dr.agbalazzy can also help out, I would really love you to contact him through his email: Olorunoduduwaspiritualtemple@gmail.com, Westcott Marc, From NY USA
I am 20 and was diagnosed with herpes 2 weeks ago whilst on a skiing holiday in France. Whether this was from my ex boyfriend of 2 1/2 years or from my recent 'boyfriend' i am not sure, because after telling both of them, they have both told me that they have both never known to have it, and so far haven't had any symptoms of it. It was devastating finding out, i felt disgusting. in the french hospital i had to sit in the waiting room with a mask and gloves on (blister on finger) and felt horrendous, especially with all these faces staring at me. i totally understand why i was wearing them but it just seemed a bit harsh, you know? it started with a fever, sickness bug, swollen glands and then pain when sitting and urinating (i thought this was from fairly rough sex - maybe a cut or a bruise down there...). i was then incredibly irritated and could not sit still without wanting to cry in pain due to what seemed like 100s of blisters. i still have the blister on my finger, where i cut it a few weeks back, and i had about 3 ulscars in my mouth. i was prescribed the usual herpes drugs in france (sorry, cannot remember the name of those) and they cleared everything up very well. since coming home i had check for all stds at a GUM clinic at my local hospital. the staff were lovely and so helpful. anyway, the worst thing out of all of this is that my most recent 'boyfriend' (not exlusive but been seeing each other for a few months now - he works in france for most of the year) suddenly changed and became so horrible (before he found out about my herpes). He decided almost overnight that we should just be friends. it was heartbreaking but i know that you cannot help how you feel. he promised to keep in contact after i came home (to the uk) but so far i have heard from him once after telling him about my diagnosis (a selfishly worried text about what he should do, but also assurance that he hasn't known to have it and hasn't been sleeping with anyone else in the time we didn't see each other). it's been horrendous not being able to talk to him about this. he has ignored every other message from me. i miss his friendship terribly more than and all i want is that guy back that i could tell anything and still forget my worries. this misery has now brought out another outbreak, although nothing like the pain and length of the first, and i've been advised to see a couseller. i'm becoming more accepting of the herpes and how i am able to live with it without any real issues. i have had good support from english hospitals, but it feels like everything has built up at once. not to mention the death of a good friend before christmas in a hit and run accident. i have found this website and everyone's stories so helpful, it has been lovely reading them, and knowing that although hard to start with, it can produce positive effects in their lives. thank you for reading my experience!
I was just diagnosed 5 days ago. Got it from a girl that did not tell me she had when she did and then tried to say it was me. I was tested 5 months ago and she was the only one I've been with so it just goes to show you...don't trust anyone. Major lesson learned. So now what ? Well...when I am done kicking myself in the ass I am going to pick myself up off the floor and realize that it's not cancer and I can still have a fullfilling life. Maybe this will help me keep my small head with the small brain in my pants while searching for a quality person. Yes...it will certainly make it harder now but if someone falls in love with you it should be for your heart and morals and values. Sex is a component but you can still have a good sex life too. We face many risks everyday...just don't be careless. I know I will find someone that loves me and you should too !
I have found this website so useful. I have been learning to live with herpes for over 2 years and it's getting better all the time. I can understand the distress of people when newly diagnosed - I also went through the tears and uncertainty.
I want to suggest a couple of web sites that helped me. One thing that is really important is accurate and non sensational information. I would recommend these web sites - they are from UK so obviously the treatment may vary in other countries, but the basic info about the virus and how to manage it is the same.
I hope this is useful for someone.
I was diagnosed with herpes 2 years ago and also felt i would never have a boyfriend again. I met my boyfriend 6 months ago and we decided to make a friendship before making a commitment and having sex. Then I had to tell him... I was so worried. Well I could hardly speak... 'I've got something important to tell you'... I was shaking. So I told him and he didn't seem too worried - he hugged me and I told him where he could get information on the internet. Then I made a cup of tea and that was it! So 2 months later we're still together and our love life is ok. So that's my story and I hope it helps. Good luck and remember it's a virus which can be inconvenient and take a bit of getting used to, but actually doesn't actually harm your health or mean anything bad about you as a person. Oh and I know it's a bit mushy but don't forget to keep loving yourself! You are a human being - not a virus x
I am 30 years old and I just came in contact with the virus about 3 months ago, I was married for 12 years when my husband decided we needed to "see other people" I was so devastated, depressed I almost went crazy because I would have NEVER thought he would do this to me. We were living in another country and I had to come back to my parent's house with my children with only a carry on. A couple of months later I started talking to a friend I had met 14 years ago, he was going through the same thing, he had rescently separated from his wife, I just wanted someone to understand and love me, we saw each other for about 8 months when he told me he wanted to start something serious with someone else again I was heart broken, so I started talking more seriously with a man I had met back in Ferbruary we were intimate at the end of June and then gone (I have learned that men are presistant for a one night stand even if it takes them 4 months to get it)another hear break, 2 weeks later the other one calls me and tells me it didn't work out and he was sorry and he wanted to see me, I said yes because I was so depressed and stressed with school, the children and their school, my work, I had just had an arrgument with my husband, I just NEEDED somone to be there and he was there, a couple of days later is when I started getting all these symptoms and the HORRIBLE outbreak, and I don't know who I got it from I know I didn't get it from my husband because he took an STD panel a couple of months ago and everything came back negative, plus we haven't been together for over a year and he is still living out of the country. I know this sounds very bad but I'm not a slut I was just DESPERATELY looking for love, understanding and attention anywhere I could get it from. Anyways, I was very depressed and I feel like no one will ever love me again but I try to stay positive for my children, my husband has been understanding and supportive and says he will take me back, doesn't matter what condition I'm in but he doesn't want to be with me at the moment, he is also living with another woman but says that's not the reason, I feel lost because I love him a lot and I do want him back but I don't think I deserve this treatment after many years of always being there and devoting my life to him and our children, I guess I'm suppose to wait until he decides he wants me back now that I can't find love, I couldn't find someone serious when I was well, how can I find someone now with this illness =/.
My dear - you mustn't think that you are unloveable because of a virus. You did not find someone yet because you dated/slept with with the wrong men! And this does not automatically mean you are a bad or unloveable person - it means you made some choices which did not lead to the love you hoped for. We all make wrong choices about different areas of our lives and have to reflect and try to make better choices next time (we are not perfect and don't always get it right!).
You need some better information about herpes (try NHS choices web site) - it is a virus - it doesn't have a brain so it doesn't choose people who are 'good' or 'bad' or 'unloveable'. You may have got it from your husband - they don't test for herpes unless you have symptoms as a blood test is unreliable. No man I ever slept with had any visible symptoms - some carriers of the virus never have any symptoms. I don't know who I got it from and to be honest it doesn't matter now.
Like you, when I was diagnosed I felt devastated and unloveable. To be honest I think now it was actually a good thing (sounds weird doesn't it!). Before I had it I would use sex as a way to get a man to like me - to get affection I craved. Since the diagnosis I can't do this any more! I have had to try a different approach and get to know a man as a friend first - I found it very scary and hard to believe they could actually like me as a person. I met a man who I am now going out with - I had to tell him about the herpes and it was the scariest thing - I knew he might reject me (or rather reject the virus). He did not and we are still seeing each other 2 months on.
You are in a different situation to me, with children and still wanting to work things out with your ex. But whatever you do, don't stay in a horrible relationship because you are worried no one else will ever accept you with herpes. It is simply not true.
When I first got diagnosed I felt devastated - dirty, contaminated, unloveable, ashamed and unfeminine. It was a horrible time and the unpleasant symptoms didn't help. Over 2 years on and I now feel like a proper woman again - if I have symptoms (rarely) they are so much more manageable. When I get them I know I have to look after myself more and take care of my stress levels and health better. Herpes has taught me to look after myself as a person - my health, my body, and myself a human being. I have had to help myself to improve my self worth. There is a lot of helpful stuff on the internet about improving your self worth and self acceptance - I'm still working on it and it will take some time (I came from a place of very low self esteem/self worth) but I am commited to helping myself to feel happier inside as a person.
You won't find all the answers straight away, but you are still quite young and please believe me that you have a future.
Today I have some small symptoms - a tiny blister - the only one for 6 months. I feel a little under the weather as you do with a virus (e.g. flu etc) but not too bad. So I planned something nice - meeting a friend and her children for a walk then drink tea by her fire. I ordered myself a little treat - an aromatherapy oil. I do this now if I get symptoms - get myself a little present (doesn't cost much - a scented candle or something to show I care about my health and looking after myself). I just texted my boyfriend after he came off the night shift. He doesn't know about my blister - I'll tell him when I see him in a couple of days. I still feel a little awkward and a little worries about talking about it but it will be ok - after all it is only a small blister - it will be gone in a few days, we can still have a cuddle (he likes lots of that) and then resume our sex life in the next week or so. He likes cycling and seems more interested in our trip next weekend than sex at the moment, so that's good!!!
I hope my story give you some hope. I can't say it's been easy and I don't always feel wonderful about things, but it is a lot better and continues to improve.
If I can be of any help please reply. I really want to support people and give them hope that you can have good and happy days in your life still, and share love and affection.
Best wishes from Anna x
I know exzactly how you feel, They really dont' know how we feel cause like you said they don't live with it, everybody also tells me you will meet someone who doesn't care or who already has it but it's not like we are going to walk up to someone and say do you have herpes you know what I'm sayin I cry sometimes cause I have so much love to give and noone to share it with and it really sucks
so if you ever wanna talk I'll be here for you Chelsea
I was kept in the dark by my lady for over 4 years.
Our regular was sex being interrupted unexplainably with 'not in the mood' events that finally caused so much tension we started to fight about it. She said it was my job that made me uptight so she didn't feel like it. I quit that VERY lucrative position (the highest paying job I have ever had - before and still to this day). I made a lot of money at that job...loads of it.
After 3 months after leaving the job, the situation showed up again. I said, "I can be single and get rejected." and "it can't be the job because I left that place 3 months ago." She broke down crying and confessed that she had herpes. It was her herpes outbreaks that were keeping her from having relations with me. She cried hard and I comforted her. She was now the victim at this point and I treated her with sympathy and tenderness. We stayed together; after 4 or more years of unprotected sex, it was too late anyway. I truly wish she hadn't blamed my job, but by now it was too late on that front as well.
The real problem is, this whole issue interrupted my professional life in a HUGE way. After over 10 years I have still not climbed nearly that high again. I quit my escalating career to save our relationship but that was because it was only a red herring of "it's your job" that was causing the problem. Now, after several careers and 10 years, I am in a bad, bad rut. I have not had decent employment since the 2008 crash. Her job is good and I am a failure. I am so glad I worked so hard in college just so I could leave a successful career and be the loser I am today. A loser with herpes.... My work record is just about fried these days. I have lost hope.
And she? The woman for which I sacrificed that high paying job? We are still together but when things get rough she reminds me of who "brings home the real money". I never did that to her when my income was 5 times as high as hers, but tit-for-tat ain't the way of the world, I guess. I now feel trapped and worthless. Yes, the question is: "Will anyone love me now?".
I loved her. I still love her. But I don't know if I have ever fully forgiven her for misleading me. I think a career recovery would help, but I just don't know anymore. Just remember this, no matter what your situation, you do not have the right to take away health choices from anyone. It is a great violation and although it may provide temporary cover for you, it will eventually lead to pain and misery for everyone involved.
i can relate to the topic of having genital herpes as well. im 20 years old, i got it when i was 16, i was raped. my heart goes out to you, this made me cry because i know how it feels. but dont let it get the best of you, you cant. unfortunately we all who have it, need to be strong and realize theres no cure to it and just cope with it.. i feel like i wont ever be loved, but i need to look past that and see that theres SO MANY people out there, everyone is different, someone out there will love you for WHO YOU ARE, and not judge you. it may seem impossible or unreal for that to happen for you, but its not, i promise you that. just stay positive.
i am so glad i read this. I am 39 and diagnosed 4 years ago. the first outbreak was terrible and after that its really not bad at all a few blisters if that a year. I met a lovely (so I thought) man on the internet he lived in UK and i live a 8 hour flight away. He was telling me he was in love with me, could see himself being my husband etc.etc. and arranged to fly here to see me in a months time for a holiday. But then yesterday I told him that i had this, i explained how mild, how lots of people have it but don't know but that I would be honest and tell him. Well he sent me a link of a website saying how contageous it is and said lets call it a day. no more said. he didnt call. he didn't want to know. I wrote a nice e-mail explaining to him everything and asking him to call his GP to find out the risks given how little i have OB. But he didnt even answer me. I spent all day today looking out for e-mails from him. But you know what today having read the answers I have realised...he is not the man i thought...if he was falling in love with me, etc. and I meant that much he would have at least found out more and discussed it with me and his GP. the fact he didn't well i now know he is JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME! if he felt that way and wanted to see me he would still come.. so thank you to all of you..you have all helped me to realise I shouldn't waste another minute on him!!!!
I know this is an older post but I would like to reply to it anyways to help anyone else out there who has been diagnosed and is afriad. I am 24 and found out I had HSV last year while I was in a TERRIBLE relationship and stay with him for far too long because once I found out, I felt stuck. I remember feeling horrible and hating myself for what had happened. I went through a stage of depression but was able to break up with my boyfriend and not look back. I had literally convinced myself that no one would ever love me and I didn't want anyone to ever get close to me so I would never have to share my seceret.
Three months ago I met someone who thought I was absolute'tly perfect. He pursue me for a month but I kept pushing him away. Finally I let him in and fell madly in love with him (which isn't in the least bit surprising because he is GORGEOUS and the nicest person I have ever met... but seriously he could be an underwear model lol). Last month we reached a point where I knew I had to tell him and I honestly thought he would leave. When I told him I just fell apart crying and told him to leave because I know he was probably disgusted with me. But he didn't leave. He picked me up, held me in his arms and said "I would give my right arm to be with you, did you really think a couple bumps wuold change that?"
Since then we have had sex (unprotected) and he has had no symptoms. I told him I wanted to use protection to save him from what I went through and he told me he was a big boy and could make decisions for himself. Now I don't even think about it! A couple of days ago we were laying on the couch and he kissed me on the forehead and said "remember that thing you thought was such a big deal? Clearly it wasn't"
Please don't ever lose faith in people. Love is a crazy thing and I truly believe this has made me be extremely patient and wait until the perfect person came around... And he is perfect... did I mention how good looking he is?! Hahaha anyways, I have found love when I never thought it was possible and so will you.
He is so sweet and im happy for u. I found out yesterday that I had it...not officially but someone I had sex with called and told me. I've had the symptoms. I got it from the guy im in love with. He didn't know he had it so he says, but.....even tho I still cry thinking about it....its not so bad. Im glad I found this. My boyfriend loves me so much, so I feel better about the situation but..what happens when he screws up :'( I would leave but without someone to love me...I'd hate myself. But im strong so ill get through it... I hope. And is oral sex completely bad.....even when im not having an outbreak...and he has it too?
I found out, a little under a week ago that have herpes. Still have to go to a clinic to find out which type it is. This page has helped me so much! I am still pretty devastated and keep randomly crying when I think about it :( the guy that I got it from was a one night stand but I did get his number and have started talking to him quite a lot. He says he did not know he had it and although that could be possible, I'm not sure how true that is :/ I can't help thinking though that if I make a go of things with him at least he already has herpes and I won't have to have the akward conversation of telling him about mine! I'm still struggling to see the positive side to this and I'm still very angry with myself for being so irresponsible this time and the times in the past. Hopefully this will change me for the better when I finally accept it and learn to live with it.
i will love u i am 13 and a guy<3!!!
dont worry , god has made each and every partner for every individual. He will definitely come into ur life, ho inspite of such problems will accept u . just have faith in god !!!!
I just found out today that I have herpes and I just feel utterly disgusted with myself and so confused on how I got it. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. Never cheated on him or anything so how I could have got it it's beyound me. I'm just so devastated with myself and feel just dirty. I've been crying ever since I found out and when I told somone they started to accuse me of cheating and I was just bawling my eyes out because I can't believe the person was saying that. I've been 100% honest with my partner and never do anything to hurt him. My partner came with me to the doctors when I found out and I was so scared because the doctor was asking my partner to grab his chats or if he was leaving (aka. breaking up with me) I didn't know that at first till my partner told me what he meant and that really didn't help much either because now I am more scared and worried that I may lose him over this. He says he loves me and wants to be with me but I can't shake this fear that he may lose his feelings for me and his family may start to dislike me as well. I'm so scared that no one will ever love me and I may be alone forever because who wants to be with a girl with a disease that can harm the other person's life? I use to be clean and never had problems and now all of a sudden I am. I just don't know what to die. I feel like dying and crawling into a hole and never coming out. This has to be the one most embarassing things to ever happened to me. I just don't know what I did wrong. If I didn't cheat then what could have caused this devastating thing?
I just found out two weeks ago that I have herpes. Like many others I was always careful because I have always felt distrustful of men, due to the fact that every man I've ever cared about or trusted or loved has hurt me. Despite that fact I give every man the benefit of the doubt. The person who gave it to me is a best friend of mine. He is my son's godfather. One night things got carried away on a drunken night and we had sex, but we used protection. Now this is happening to me. I've been single for a while and I finally got to a point in my life where I felt like, "I'm ready to find my Prince Charming". Since finding this out I feel like that will never happen. I'm trying my best not to be depressed and I thank all of you who have posted such positive messages on here. I feel as though I will still find my Prince Charming because I deserve it. After reading all of the uplifting messages I am convinced that I will end up happily married and someone will love me for me and not label me due to my virus.
Strong Women Unite
I only found out today and i feel very alone i know i'm not becase many people have this, the guy i caught it from i didn't have the chance to pick weather or not i had sex with him. I'm 16 and i have very strong feelings for another guy, i don't know how to tell him because he is the most amazing person i've ever met and im scared i might lose him he is older than i. I also lost my mum at 12 so i had to grow up fast, i never see my dad and don't want to put anymore pressure on my nan than i already have. I just want to hear from someone who feels what i feel.