I am a 21 year old female, I found out I had herpes in January 2007, like you the person I was with was dishonest about their situation and I decided I would never be the type of person who kept it to myself but I also wouldn't live my life thinking I deserved to be alone for something that many people live with.  I felt like my life was over, I told my mother no one would ever want to be with me because of it and that I was never dating again.  After about a month I decided it was time to start looking at my STD in a different light.  Yes, living with herpes I still have my bad days but I honestly believe that this has made me a stronger, more mature, responsible person.  Since I found out that I had herpes I've told 3 guys, and I'm not talking mature 30 year olds, I've told a 25 year old, a 22 year old, and a 21 year old and I got the same response from all of them.  My thing was I decided within the first month of dating them whether or not they were a person I cared about and trusted and I got it over with quickly, within the first month I would sit down with them and explain to them that I have genital herpes and that if that wasn't something they could deal with that we didn't need to take things any further.  The first time was the hardest, I felt like crying but I didn't because regardless of what we have we are still beautiful, smart, people who deserve to be loved and treated right regardless of what cards life has dealt us and I will not cry for something that I feel has made me a better person.  I also told all of them that if they decided to google herpes not to take everything they read to heart because each persons body is different so to get a general idea and that if they had any questions to ask me, because lets be honest we all know so much about it at this point that we can answer most questions our partners have.  The first guy told me (and I quote) "I'm glad you didn't cry, that would've made things really bad" and we both laughed and then we talked about it, he said that being honest about it is all he asked and we dated for a year and a half, we didn't break up because of my STD but the fact that I was honest helped him trust me from the beginning and I feel made our bond stronger while we were together.  The second guy said that God brought me into his life for a reason and again that telling him was more than he could ask for, we dated for 6 months and things ended because of something that had absolutely NOTHING to do with my STD.  The guy I'm seeing now I told after 2 weeks, I was completely falling for him way to fast so I decided that I had to know before I got more attached.  When I told him he said "I love you."  That was the moment I knew none of it mattered anymore, happiness is a mindset, if you believe you deserve it (AND YOU DO DESERVE IT!) then you will have it.  Everyone has bad days, with or without Herpes, you've just gotta keep moving and I promise once you get it over with and see that someone does care about you it'll be like you never had herpes at all.  And if by some stretch of the imagination some jerk says he can't deal with it then thank your lucky stars because he didn't deserve you in the first place, you want to be with a caring, compassionate person, not some idiot who thinks he is better than everyone else!  If you're honest everything will work out for the best.  Just remember, everyday, that you truly are beautiful.

amanda

3/ 8/10 11:03pm

i just read this and cried. i have herpes and i am 21 too and have had it for a yr and a half and it is soooo ahrd living with it. but it has made me so much stronger.. it weeds out the jerk guys honestly lol though i havent found anyone i try and keep my head up about it just lately i have been feeling lonely and it is hard. but thins really brought me up! thnak u!

foreveralone1

3/ 9/10 6:27am

thanks for this it really inspired me im 21 and have had herpes for about 6months you have honestly given me hope ive started lookin at my disease in a positive way it helps me get rid of the bad guys and make way for the good ones thanks soo much you dont know what it means to me 

Mary

10/12/10 11:04am

This also made me cry. I was recently diagnosed and it's been rough. I've been depressed and crying for months and I keep thinking I'm never going to find anyone. Being 20, I know no guy my age is mature enough to understand what I'm going through. My boyfriend, who gave it to me, had a cold sore in his mouth when it happened. I never knew you could get it from that. Now I'm stuck in a relationship that I don't know if I want to be in because I hate him and like him at the same time. I'm so lost, but this really inspired me. Thank you so much, I hope I will have similar experiences in later life. 

YouAreBeautiful

10/12/10 4:45pm

I'm sorry to hear that you were recently diagnosed, but I'm glad you found this website, I think it's a great way to learn more about herpes and to learn ways to cope that have worked for others. I just wanted to say try not to hate him, I know thats much easier said than done because we want to blame someone (well I know I did lol), but I can almost bet my life that he feels guilty for giving it to you and if he could turn back time he probably would.  Give yourself some time to heal and think about everything before you kick him to the curb.  Hope everything works out just the way you want it to =]]]

YouAreBeautiful

10/12/10 4:36pm

I'm glad that my post has been helpful to you all, it's just another reassurance that this has made me a better person, I'm able to share my experience and maybe help others that are going through what I went through.  I wanted to update on my post because it's been a while, but I ended up marrying the third guy and we have a beautiful baby boy who is absolutely amazing.  While I was pregnant I had one outbreak but took a higher dose of Valtrex and it went away in a day or so, I've had herpes for almost four years now and in the last two years have had two outbreaks, and I quit taking my valtrex almost a year ago with no issues since.  I hope that this helps reassure you all as well, we were all young when we were diagnosed but we've still got a lot of life left to live!

YouAreNotYourVirus

12/12/10 10:20pm

Thank you so much for this post.  I just developed symptoms 3 days ago that have developed into a full-blown onslaught.  I'm about to tell the man I've been dating for two months (the man I decided after our first date that I wanted to marry) that I have herpes.  I'm so scared that I gave it to him without knowing.  That is, by far, my largest concern.  Nobody deserves that.  And to have hurt someone that I love is unbearable.

In the back of my mind through all of this was a voice saying "This doesn't make me any different from who I was before this outbreak.  I'm still a good, strong, loving person who will do a lot of good for this world."  But the part of me that's scared, the part that grew up in a society that places a premium on purity and virginity, that part is So Damn Scared.  I feel dirty, I feel like a slut (an outdated and ridiculous term), and I feel undeserving of anyone's love.  But you reminded me that a virus doesn't change the person I am, the person my boyfriend fell in love with.  

I am more important than a virus.  So are you.

john halgat

4/20/12 1:01pm

i am sorry your bofriend is a cheater i am a guy and i wish u could talk to u. so here is my dads # 702 6061277

phoenixh

5/10/12 10:52pm

Aww you are a sweet guy. I want to thank everyone who has posted on this page. I stumbled upon it and I am so glad I did. I have had genital herpes for almost three years. I am 23. It doesn't get a a whole lot easier (my own personal experience) but I am learning slowly that it does not define me. ANd yes, you would be surprised to know that a lot of men, good men at least, are very understanding. Good luck to everyone, and please never forget, you are not defined by your virus, but by how you lead your life. Much love to all :)

julie123

5/17/11 8:16pm

Hi, reading your post did make me feel better and more confident in telling the new guy i have been dating. I still wanted to ask you if you were ever rejected and how did it feel?

YouAreBeautiful

5/21/11 11:25pm

I have had my fair share of male rejection over the years but not a one because of herpes.  If that ever does happen though then I know that the person who rejected me is not a person I want to be with.  Stay strong, and if he rejects you then keep moving forward :)

lil mama

2/26/11 11:10pm

i've had herpes for about 7yrs now and its still hard to deal with like u said i have my good days and bad, just now i was sitting at my computer wondering will someone love me if i tell them I have this..i try to avoid dating and when i do date i get sorry men because thats what i feel i deserve but your message has really given me the courage to life my head and feel i do derserve better..So I thank you. I feel so blessed to had come across this site its nice to know your not alone and just to have someone to chat with so thank you so much..

YouAreBeautiful

5/21/11 11:30pm

I'm glad that it helped!  It makes me feel very good to know that my experience can help others, and I'm very glad that you are starting to feel like you deserve more than sorry men, because we all do. I love reading the nice things that people say about my post and I know that something good definitely came out of me having to cope with an STD.

Lonely on the inside

12/17/11 11:11am

Wow, I have been reading everones posts and it has helped me somewhat!! I am 48 years old and I found out 2 years ago that I contracted Herpes from someone that lied to me someone that I love and cared for well we are no longer toegther after three years I thonk I stayed with him longer because I didnt think anyone else would ever have me because of the STD. I have since dated and have always been upfront (yes terrifing ) and I have been rejected wich is very hard to take. Recently someone that I really care for came back into my life. I told him after a few weeks only because I care so much for him that the thought of falling more in love with him and him rejecting me was playing on my mind. Well he is still my boyfrind but we haven't really talked to much about it since leaving me feeling very vunerable.......will he stay willl he go................I hate this, but it's something that I will have to live with the rest of my life. If someone cant get past the STD part and see how great of a person you are well then I guess they are not right for you. That being said it does not help that rejection part that goes on in your head, after all nobody wants to be rejected.

Guess I have to love myself and hope that someone will love me STDs and all :) 

Spades in wonderland

5/21/11 3:47am

I know you probly wrote this a while ago and I read if frequently I finally decided to write and say thank you I read what your answer to thing whenever i feel up set about my STD and it always makes me feel better it reminds me I'm still a worthful human and I really just wanted you to k ow how much I Apreciate your answer I can't say think you enough there was nights I would cry and cry an read thhis and knew it is ok so once again thank you very very much

YouAreBeautiful

5/21/11 11:35pm

Thank you for telling me that, and I'm so glad that it can help you in a moment of need.  I know how hard it is to talk to people when I get down about it and thats why I joined this site and I love knowing that I helped someone, even if for a moment and in a small way. I hope everything goes well for you, and everyone who has responded, everything happens for a reason and were pretty lucky people to have this site to turn to in times of need. 

lifewillgoon

7/19/11 10:55pm

I found out that I have herpes a week ago. It was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. The only thing going through my brain was "how could this happen to me" and "no one will ever love me again" or "I'll be stuck with my current boyfriend forever"  this post helped me see this in a new light. Thank you so much for your story as I think it gives everyone a little piece of mind. I'm so glad your life worked out the way it did.

Hopeful2Day

7/27/11 3:41am

I'm 24 years old and have only had sex a hanfull of times, and have only had 4 partners. I hadn't had sex in 2 years and just 2 weeks ago hooked up with a friend of mine. A week later we had sex again. I started noticing bumps 2-3 days later and a tiny bit of itching in the vaginal area (didn't think much of it, being as everyting occasionally itches. Anyways it's been a week since the last time I had sex and the 2 bumps on my inner thighs had opened and are now scabs and I have noticed 3 more bumps closer to my crotch area. I've been checking out the internet for 3 days and am almost 100% sure I have herpes. I'm trying not to freak out or think about it. But I've always been the good girl, never had a boyfriend, always been strong and able to handle my own. There was at least a year between each time I ever had sex. And now thinking about having herpes I'm so scared I wont find anyone. I don't even know who to tell. Or  who to talk to. I feel tarnished. I dont want to get tested. I don't want to know for sure. I will not have sex, that's for sure. But I need to tell the guy I slept with last. At the same time, will he tell our friends? I know 1 out of every 5 people have herpes but I don't know anyone who does. I want to tell my mom... but I still think she thinks I'm a virgin. How to deal? How to deal? And who can I trust? 

Starryness

2/ 9/12 4:36pm

Wow, I cried reading this. I'm a 20 year old woman and I contracted genital herpes in 2009 from my jerk of an ex. He acted like he never had it and that I had caught it from someone before him, then I found out from his ex girlfriend that he'd given it her too. It's been nearly 3 years but the outbreaks haven't gotten much better. Even now I still have days where I feel like no one could possibly love me. I haven't been in a relationship since my breakup in 2010, mainly through fear of rejection when I tell them. I could never hide it from someone, I know how it feels. I don't want to become attached to someone and then lose them. But your post has really cheered me up. Thank you. I know it's my fault I have herpes, I should have used protection, but maybe one day I'll find someone. I'd love to have kids and get married some day, but who knows if that'll ever be on the cards for me.

BigDreams

4/10/12 12:01pm

i thank you for this because i am 18 yrs old and i think i have herpes, not positive..but honestly nothing else really does that to someones body. i am absolutely terrified and keep breaking down at the thought of never having a husband and family, which is something i have always wanted. your post gave me hope and whenever i feel down about this...i will read your post and remember there is still hope.

hi work in progress. i absolutely know what ur feeling i been crying all day trying to accept this. someone will love u. my husband is in prison and i had to tell him about this. he said he would never leave me for any reason. its a complicated situation. he didnt give it to me and he doesnt have it but we'll work thru it. i feel dirty and useless but he is there for me and tries to encourage me so i believe u will find love. true love and ill be praying for u

john halgat

4/20/12 12:57pm

how old are you<3

What a relief to read a website where people are mature and sensible about their attitude towards Herpes. My (ex) boyfriend of 3.5 years gave me this and i was also very upset and very gutted about it.  As you have all said here it is scary the thought of telling a new partner but it will help you weed out the guys who are only after one thing and the ones who actually care about you.  Having herpes also makes you live a healthier lifesyle as i want to keep my immune system strong so that i dont get a recurrance. I'm 32 and have just literally split with this guy who gave it to me (did not split b/c of herpes) and the prospect of meeting someone new and telling them is scary, but herpes is a part of life, it's a lottery as to who gets it, and unless i remained a virgin all my life there is always a chance of getting something... It's just a good job it's nothing worse than Herpes. Yes it stays in your system forever but its the same virus as cold sores just at a different site. I'm going to stop reading the sites on the internet on this as it just fuels scarmongering and encourages people to think its a dirty , disgusting disease, we are not invinceable  - we are only human !!

Hi,

I just found out that i have genital herpes approx two hours ago and I am shocked still. I am 21 years old and I am just starting my life. I am not in a relationship and right now I feel I am NEVER going to be in one. How am I ever going to cope with this? I have not told anyone! I am so embrassed.. PLEASE HELP!

SCARED AND SHOCKED

work in progress

8/20/11 6:05am

I was in the same boat as you a few years ago. I thought that no one would want to be with me because of it. I met a wonderful man who completely accepted it and we have recently gotten married. The point is, more people are accepting of than you think. There are some people that won't accept it, but those people are toxic for you anyway. You should just continue living your life as you normally would. I got the disease in 2009 and I have had 2 outbreaks and that was it.  Haven't had anything since. You'll be fine and you'll leave to cope with it. Don't let it consume you!

scarednshocked

8/20/11 11:10am

Hi,

 

Thanks for your response. Since the time that I have found out that I had herpes I have found an amazing man that loves me for me. I told him about it and he accepted it. I feel so much better and have accepted it myself, I remember I use to think of it everyday feeling so disgusted in myself now I barely think of it and sometimes I forget I have it. So I guess I am responding back to you letting you know that you are right. I am fine and it no longer consumes me at all.

 

Thanks

im a single man 24 years old i dont have herpes but just reading these i dont think it would really affect who i date long as shes honest and lets me know the deal...i wouldnt say thats a great ice breaker maybe wait ti the 3rd date and let him know what happened ..... i more than likely wouldnt be going down on you lol plus i hate that anyways ...but you girls need to realize this is a common issue among people. the truth will set you free

I caught genital herpes 3 and a half years ago from a very nasty ex boyfriend who cheated on me and left me with the virus. I was so devastated and depressed I became underweight and ill. My immune system isn't very good so even now (I'm 21 as well) I have outbreaks every 2 weeks. I try not to think about it, but it doesn't help when you get a fortnightly reminder in the shape of a horrible ex :(

I was convinced I'd be alone forever, and when a guy showed any interest I ran away terrified. However, things have got better, Since that ex I have dated three guys. I sat down with each one beforehand and told them everything, told them if they wanted a relationship with me then they would have to appreciate the risk that came with us having sex. Maybe it's because I chose decent guys, but none of them hardly batted an eyelid. And I never passed it on, and I really hope I don't in the future *touch wood*
As you go through life, you'll learn to notice when you're getting an OB and learn how to deal with it. Fortunately mine seem to come with the time of the month so i've never really had to do the 'Sorry we can't have sex today, herpes says no'.
I guess in a way like many other people have said, it does mature you and make you more responsible. I always feel like life has been so unfair to me, and I don't deserve this, but I guess you have to remember life isn't fair, and so many other people are dealing with it as well. You arn't alone

It felt a little better for me to read all of your posts.  I am a 32 year-old single professional and I found out a week ago that I have GH.  I had suspected it 2 weeks before that when I started getting extreme itchiness and then painful outbreaks (which I still have).  I vacillate between total disbelief and consuming self-hatred for getting myself in this situation.  I had gotten this far without any STDs, and was always SO careful about making sure any guy was tested before sex -- even with a condom.  I've only had sex with 3 people in my life, which is a lot fewer than anyone else I know my age (who is single).  My friends even used to make fun of me for being so paranoid.  Then, I made ONE mistake a month ago -- and it wasn't even sex.  We got carried away and he just rubbed against me for a little before I told him to stop.  I feel SO dumb to not realize how risky that was.  It would have been less risky to just have had sex with a condom!  I was always the "good girl" -- pretty, lots of friends, smart.  I didn't think this could happen to me, or that I'd be so stupid to let myself be put in this position.  I am an Ivy-League educated person, and I'm embarrassed to say that I didn't even know that herpes could be contracted from skin-to-skin contact without any exchange of fluids.  

I am completely disgusted and angry with myself for being such a complete idiot, and very scared about what is to come.  I'm also VERY worried that I will never find someone and not be able to have a family.  I was already feeling like time was running out before this happened -- I am going to be 33 soon! -- and now to have this happen is just devastating.  I know that it is possible that a guy I'm dating will accept it and me, but to be perfectly honest, if the situation were reversed and I were negative and I liked a guy who was positive, and he told me, I'm really not so sure I'd stick around!  Plus, even if he does accept it initially, if he ever contracts it from me, I could see him becoming resentful.  Before this, I was scared that I would be alone forever, and now with it, I am downright terrified.

I have been so depressed over this for over a week that I haven't even gotten out of bed.  I haven't eaten.  I can't sleep more than 3-4 hours a night at most (and fitfully).  I have no motivation for anything.  My family and friends don't know what is with me because I just dropped out of life.  On top of this, I got laid off so I was already depressed before this.  Now I feel like I have nothing.

I haven't told anyone -- my family would never understand, they are very conservative.  Plus, I don't even have a boyfriend, so they would be doubly as judgmental.  I haven't told any of my friends either because I know that they will treat me like a pariah.  I feel so alone and full of despair.

nataly

9/30/11 6:07pm

Chelsea, your story just sounds so sad. It is horrible that it had to happen to you because you certainly don't desrve this horrible desease. Even though you are angry with yourself for getting it, you should learn to accept things for how they are. If situation cannot be changed than there is no point to cry over spilled milk. I know that it is easier said than done, but I think I accepting our problems is the first step to overcoming them. 

Love will come, i promise. I felt cheated. My first ever boyfriend was amazing. He told me he was a virgin and so was i, so we didn't use a condom. 3 weeks later i'm in the gyno getting the news. I was devastated. I cried for atleast a month straight (I was 16.) I'm 21 now and still have the hard days. I remember my first drunken hook up and feeling so horrible about it. I had to tell him, but it was so hard to get the words out. He didn't freak out at all. I explained i wasn't having an outbreak but he should definitely watch it. He pretty much shrugged it off and said if "i get it, i get it." We ended up dating for 2 and a half years after that, no condoms used, and he never got it to my knowledge.

I've had 3 outbreaks since he gave it to me. The first was the worst and lasted 3 wks, the 2nd i barely even noticed, and my last was a little after my 21st when i had a bitttt too much to drink and even it wasn't that bad.

There are so many people out there who have herpes that it really isn't that big of a deal anymore. I know a lot of my friends joke about it (they don't know i have it) but you can just let it roll off your back. I sometimes find myself laughing at their jokes.

anyway, off my soap box, any guy worth dating wont care if you have it. just don't start off with hooking up. Casual sex really isn't in your future, but thats a GOOD THING! I know so many people who are pregnant from random sex and honestly i'd rather have the herp. The STD doesn't define you, but your personality, values, and beauty inside and out.

secret

1/29/12 6:17am

i have it also.......I have it for almost 7 years now. The first time I got it, I just ignored it and never had any relationship for a while..... everything was fine until i meet this girl that i wanted to marry.... but because of the herpes situation and i don't want her to end up like me..... started to avoid her because of my situation.... between that 7 year period..... everytime i met a girl, i always end up avoiding them even though they want to do it but i don't because of the situation..... i am lost until now and i don't know what to do???

I just found out today that I have herpes and I just feel utterly disgusted with myself and so confused on how I got it. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. Never cheated on him or anything so how I could have got it it's beyound me. I'm just so devastated with myself and feel just dirty. I've been crying ever since I found out and when I told somone they started to accuse me of cheating and I was just bawling my eyes out because I can't believe the person was saying that. I've been 100% honest with my partner and never do anything to hurt him. My partner came with me to the doctors when I found out and I was so scared because the doctor was asking my partner to grab his chats or if he was leaving (aka. breaking up with me) I didn't know that at first till my partner told me what he meant and that really didn't help much either because now I am more scared and worried that I may lose him over this. He says he loves me and wants to be with me but I can't shake this fear that he may lose his feelings for me and his family may start to dislike me as well. I'm so scared that no one will ever love me and I may be alone forever because who wants to be with a girl with a disease that can harm the other person's life? I use to be clean and never had problems and now all of a sudden I am. I just don't know what to die. I feel like dying and crawling into a hole and never coming out. This has to be the one most embarassing things to ever happened to me. I just don't know what I did wrong. If I didn't cheat then what could have caused this devastating thing?

I read this and I'm almost in tears right now.  I got it from a pro athlete that I'd known for years. He KNEW he had it, but never bothered to tell me, even after I found out he lied about having the disease. I still worry about finding someone who will  truly love me even with the disease. I'm so ashamed and embarrassed. :( I sporadically cry all theeee tiiime. BUT..I have friends (one of whom is a nurse) who have found happiness and a mate that loves them regardless. And after several years, my friends have been successful at not spreading the disease. This gives me hope. Hold your head high, pray, smile, and you will get a loving person that you DESERVE. Don't worry. I promise everything will be ok

dont worry , god has made each and every partner for every individual. He will definitely come into ur life, ho inspite of such problems will accept u . just have faith in god !!!!

I contracted herpes when I was 19 and I'm now 35.  It was the first time I had sex and of course I was devastated.  I figured "I don't want to use protection my first time because I want to feel everything." That was the biggest mistake of my life.  I just recently got dumped by my now ex-boyfriend and it took him 5 months to finally admit that he broke up with me because I have herpes.  He says he will always love and care for me but he just doesn't feel comfortable continuing the relationship because he can't have "all of me" the way he wants.  At first I felt very rejected and hurt because he was the love of my life. Then when I got to thinking of his reason it made me slightly angry at the fact that all the good that we had he was willing to throw away because he felt that he could never perform oral sex on me.  He never even wanted to try using a dental dam.  After reading some of these comments, I realize that he isn't the one for me because he was taking a selfish approach to our relationship and felt like it wasn't worth that minor sacrifice.  I do feel down and out sometimes, wondering if I will ever be completely loved and that's what brought me to this site.  It is true, we have to be positive in our thinking because thoughts can manifest themselves.  There are millions of people living with the disease and I believe a large amount of them having loving and lasting relationships.  These people that reject us need to understand that we could have easily not said anything and that it takes a lot of courage to admit that we have the disease.  i wish you all the best of luck.