It felt a little better for me to read all of your posts. I am a 32 year-old single professional and I found out a week ago that I have GH. I had suspected it 2 weeks before that when I started getting extreme itchiness and then painful outbreaks (which I still have). I vacillate between total disbelief and consuming self-hatred for getting myself in this situation. I had gotten this far without any STDs, and was always SO careful about making sure any guy was tested before sex -- even with a condom. I've only had sex with 3 people in my life, which is a lot fewer than anyone else I know my age (who is single). My friends even used to make fun of me for being so paranoid. Then, I made ONE mistake a month ago -- and it wasn't even sex. We got carried away and he just rubbed against me for a little before I told him to stop. I feel SO dumb to not realize how risky that was. It would have been less risky to just have had sex with a condom! I was always the "good girl" -- pretty, lots of friends, smart. I didn't think this could happen to me, or that I'd be so stupid to let myself be put in this position. I am an Ivy-League educated person, and I'm embarrassed to say that I didn't even know that herpes could be contracted from skin-to-skin contact without any exchange of fluids.
I am completely disgusted and angry with myself for being such a complete idiot, and very scared about what is to come. I'm also VERY worried that I will never find someone and not be able to have a family. I was already feeling like time was running out before this happened -- I am going to be 33 soon! -- and now to have this happen is just devastating. I know that it is possible that a guy I'm dating will accept it and me, but to be perfectly honest, if the situation were reversed and I were negative and I liked a guy who was positive, and he told me, I'm really not so sure I'd stick around! Plus, even if he does accept it initially, if he ever contracts it from me, I could see him becoming resentful. Before this, I was scared that I would be alone forever, and now with it, I am downright terrified.
I have been so depressed over this for over a week that I haven't even gotten out of bed. I haven't eaten. I can't sleep more than 3-4 hours a night at most (and fitfully). I have no motivation for anything. My family and friends don't know what is with me because I just dropped out of life. On top of this, I got laid off so I was already depressed before this. Now I feel like I have nothing.
I haven't told anyone -- my family would never understand, they are very conservative. Plus, I don't even have a boyfriend, so they would be doubly as judgmental. I haven't told any of my friends either because I know that they will treat me like a pariah. I feel so alone and full of despair.
i just read this and cried. i have herpes and i am 21 too and have had it for a yr and a half and it is soooo ahrd living with it. but it has made me so much stronger.. it weeds out the jerk guys honestly lol though i havent found anyone i try and keep my head up about it just lately i have been feeling lonely and it is hard. but thins really brought me up! thnak u!