I really am no expert but i think i can answer your question

1) if u have symptoms dont performe oral sex or any kind of touching for that matter (unless u are cleanign yourself) because it can spread, to your mouth, your genitals and even your fingers. If you dont have sympthoms, but u have Herpes, you can still trasnmist it, but it is far less likely. People recommend that u always have protected sex, i for that matter, do have unprotected oral sex when i have no symptoms and so far it has being ok. But you must be careful

2)Yes u should avoid having sex even if u are both infected, for one because its painful and second because u can spread it onto eachtother's body where u might have not being infected.

When you are symptomatic the best thing is to avoid touching that part of your body and always wash your hands when you touch it