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Q: so if I've been talking to somebody for a while and its all going nice and good and keep in mind that we have not yet kissed are held hand and we get down to wanting tp have sex but then she tells me
Valtrex reduces asymptomatic (no symptoms but infected person is shedding and could infect you), by 50%. If you use a condom and she takes Valtrex, you still have a 20% chance of being infected without any visible sores. The person who infected me had no symptoms for many years and lied when I asked him about any STDs (he was a doctor). I was infected within 1 1/2 years of the relationship. I would google New York Times herpes column. You will realize your friend is wishing she could have sex like a normal person (out of ignorance or denial) and she can't. The only way you can't get herpes is to avoid sexual contact with an infected person. With all precautions, you still may. The relationship may be worth that risk but you may need more time to evaluate that. Herpes can reduce the quality of your life and it never goes away.
The only way to avoid getting herpes is to avoid sexual contact with an infected partner. I appreciate your friend being honest: it is the morally the right thing to do. However, an uninfected partner like you can't possibly understand the impact herpes will have on your life. Even if the person who infected me had disclosed it, especially with him being a MD, there was no way that I could have understood the ramifications (and medical expenses) herpes would have on me. While many persons have fewer and fewer outbreaks over the years, it isn't always the case. Iinto my 6th year, I have monthly outbreaks on daily valtrex (now taking acyclovir-- much cheaper). I also have an autoimmune disease that feeds on the outbreaks and may have resulted from the herpes virus. Vitamin supplements are very expensive.
I personally feel a strong responsibility to avoid sexual contact with an unifected partner. If someone really wanted to pursue a sexual relationship with me, I wouldn't minimize the risks to getting herpes and would insist on seeing my treating specialist with the two of us in the room together. It doesn't mean the two of you couldn't work hard at reducing risks. That risk is always there.
There is absolutely no reason to rush into a sexual relationship. This is not about love-- this is about your health. She should understand this. If she really loved you, she would put your best interests first and not hers. Herpes is a virus that never goes away. Selfishness is a cover up for shame. She should not shame you for your very valid concerns. I certainly can understand your concerns.
Good luck to you.
thank you and god bless
Don't risk it if you can avoid the interactions until you both know its a very committed and long term relationship. Consult your inner oracle on this one. I am confident you will come to the right answer. Educate yourself as much as possible.
I'll do that, in fact since are last question and answer I've been thinking and everything that you just said hit me in a strong way and I'd rather have her as a friend then nothing at all.
And when she told me for the first time, after playing around with me when i asked her and after i told her i was just tested and am fine (because i like to be on the safe side with anybody before i even think about having sex with her) but when she told me i felt a little different since but not in a i hate you way but a way where I don't see sex coming up for use and now after all of this I don't disrespect anybody that has is, but sometimes (Me being a 25 year old male) scared.
thanks for talking with me, and reading my reply's. you've been very helpful :)
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OMG...thank you so much for answering my question, and I told her we will always be friends but for the time that we've spent together (without kissing are having sex has been very had but) I respect her for telling me but then again i just had to ask that question that you reply'ed too and even are conversations came down to don't you love me and blah blah blah...yes i do care for her but am not quite sure if that is love are if its lust? (because before hand we talked about it all from the things we do in the bed and the things we would do to each other lol) so once again think you