Whoa...let's not stop the world from having sex, people. Like 1 in 3 people have oral herpes aka coldsores...and that number grows bigger with aging. You are more likely to get a coldsore from kissing, or sharing a glass, or a joint with a stranger, than oral sex with a trusting partner who has no signs and no symptoms. There are no guarantees obvioulsy, but don't live in constant fear either. Most people don't know they have herpes b/c they don't know how to diagnose themself. But once you do have it, and stop living a lie, then you can be honest with your partner about itching, sores, etc. Yes everyone's outbreaks are different but you are not contagious 365 days a year. Get on a supressive drug, learn to cope with one another's infection, and don't forget to have fun! That said, my ex-girlfriend and I both "got" genital herpes while seeing each other. 3 months into the relationship and she had an outbreak. We weren't sure who gave it to who...and it didn't matter b/c there it was. But we continued to see each other - and have a lot of sex - for the next 6 months. Herpes didn't break us up. And neither of us developed any kind of crazy mouth sores...and we had plenty of oral sex. Bottom line, just be careful. Don't have oral sex when signs or symptoms are showing. Talk to each other. Remember why you're together and live life. Hope this helps.