Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Friday, October 03, 2008 Linda, Community Member, asks

Q: Married for 6 years and I have 2 children, 2 weeks ago I had my first outbreak

I have been married to my husband for 6 years and we have 2 children (1 and 3), I have never had any formm of STD until two weeks ago I had a yeast infection followed by painful blisters on my vagina that was dx as herpes.  I have never had sex with anyone other than my husband who had multiple partners prior to our marriage.  My OB/GYN stated if I had it prior, I would have had multiple outbreak during my pregnancies.  So you figure ... my delima is (1) has my husband cheated on his family (2) what is the likelihood that he's had it all these years and just never passed it on to me ... he states he's never had any symptoms but I do remember 1 week after intercourse seeing a blister on his penis and joking about it.  He is still waiting for his test results.  I do not want to be nieve but a part of me want to give him the benefit of the doubt that he knows the consequenses of him stepping outside the marriage.... I am mainly emotionless until it comes to taking my valtrex -- my heart aches that this is something i will have to live with for the rest of my life --- knowing that I saved myself for my husband and was faithtful to my vows.

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Answers (30)
marlalovestoshop, Community Member
10/ 4/08 4:21am

He cheated sorry.  My husband did the same thing and gave it to me when we were going through a divorce.  The good news the longer you have it the less severe it gets unless you get a new partner, husband well you will get to go through it all over again. It is hard to diagnos so probally he did not realize she had it and he caught it and gave it to you, but the truth is he is a womanizer and gave it to you like mine did me not realizing what they do to the woman at home who really loved them. It is a selffish act and I will never forgive him.

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Roger Ram Jet, Community Member
10/10/13 3:09pm

You dont know that it was your husband who gave it to you. It could of been you when you started having sex god knows how many years back. This thing can lay dorminant in your body for years.If you know it was him for sure why do you keep up with the two timer. Dump him and throw his stuff out the door and tell hime the lawyer will be letting him know where to send the child support payments. Wake up..

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mr.midnight, Community Member
10/ 4/08 4:21pm

oh come on, it has been medically proven that symptoms have taken years to show up in both males and females, im an RN, just because he didnt show symptoms does not mean he cheated, he could have very well contracted the disease from a past partner and simply passed it on to you.  and he could have not shown symptoms for years. 

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SWEAT, Community Member
6/14/10 8:56am

YOU ARE RIGHT B/C I HAVE BEEN MARRIED 10 YEARS. HAVE NOT HAD ANY OTHER SEX PARTNERS FOR 2 YEARS BEFORE MEETING MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE TWO KIDS, YET I TEST POSITIVE AND MY HUSBAND DOSEN'T! I GUESS THAT MEANS HE CHEATED ON ME? NO IT DOESN'T!!! IT MEANS THAT I CONTRACTED IT FROM A PREVIOUS PARTNER AND IT STAYED SLEEP FOR 10 YEARS! NOW MY HUSBAND AND CHILDREN MAY HAVE HERPES!! HOW AM I EVER GONNA LIVE THIS DOWN? HOW CAN I APOLOGIZE TO HIM FOR EXPOSING NOT ONLY HIM TO THE VIRUS BUT HIS KIDS ALSO? MY LIFE HAS BEEN TURNED UPSIDE DOWN!!!!

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Roger Ram Jet, Community Member
10/10/13 2:55pm

Just maybe you should of been a little more careful before opening your legs and mouth to partners you may have hardly known or thought were clean.Now your family has to suffer for your stupidity and indescretions. I hope he divorces you, even that act would be to kind to happen to you.

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Roger Ram Jet, Community Member
10/10/13 2:43pm

You seem awfully forgiving. My  buddies girlfriend said she was a virgin and low and behold he got stds. After   test came back it was the virgins problem not him. He has since cancelled the wedding and left town. These kind of dieases can be devistating but i wonder why everyone is so cavlier about it and acting like it is just like getting a cold.

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Roger Ram Jet, Community Member
10/10/13 3:05pm

I guess your going to have to start making up a resume in the future before having sex and try to figure out who in the chain gave you the dose. All the could of and should ofs dont mean shit at the end. But had you of practiced safe sex and resisted some of your animal urges you might have a clean bill of health today.

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mee mee, Community Member
10/23/08 11:29pm

I feel your pain and I hate to tell you that more than likely he cheated on you, as many men and women do. And if you remember seeing a sore on his penis in the past, then he knew that he had it. No one wants to tell someone that they have it, because most people would break up so that they will not get it. If they are really in love with their partner, they will take Valtrex in order to try and protect you.

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Roger Ram Jet, Community Member
10/10/13 3:24pm

hey me me, who is to say that she didnt have a quickie with somebody years back and that she too could now be the carrier. Things like this dont show up for years at times.Stop just beating up the men here. Women have to start taking the burden of some responsibility also. How many women are virgins when they get married today? my understanding well under the ten percent mark depending on which country or continent you are from. Just maybe women are going to have to stop opening their legs and mouth to every man that strokes their breasts and thighs. Control and responsibilities have to be shared by both sexes. Read my lips men and women if you have had frequent and unprotected sex you could both be infected and carriers of these dieases where symptoms never show up for years. Give your head a shake and stop deluding yourselfs. At the end of all these flings, FWBs, hookups lead to the question of moral responsibility and accountability. You people wanted the action but have to realize there is a cause and effect to everything you do. Ultimately society has to pay for this. And everybody is a part of society. And really at the end nobody really wants to have anything to do with people who have communicable sexual dieases. How do you tell your children they have herpes because you or your husband or both of were responsible  for this ultimate selfish act .And everybody stop treating sexual dieases as a cold. It is far worse had has huge implications for the rest of the receipients life.

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Becky, Community Member
10/28/08 2:23pm

I have a similar problem.  I have been in a monogamous relationship with my husband for 6 years.  We have one child.  Prior to that, we both had several partners, some of whom we had unprotected sex with.  I just went to the doctor today.  Last week I had a fever for 2 days, was very achy, and yesterday morning I noticed a small "sore" in my genital area.  I did not even think that it could possibly be herpes, but according to my doctor, that is what it looks like.  I can completely mortified.  I am still waiting for the bloodwork to come back.  My husband was tested for HSV 1 & 2 before we were married, and the test was negative.  I was never tested for HSV.  Is it possible that I am having my first outbreak after 6 whole years of nothing?  I am in shock. 

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Roger Ram Jet, Community Member
10/10/13 3:28pm

What did you think could or couldnt happen after having unprotected sex. How could you of been so niave? Just maybe you should of kept your legs and mouth closed a little longer and you wouldnt be in the mess you are today. You should be in shock how could you be so stupid?

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Maripoza, Community Member
11/27/13 11:20am

@ Roger Ram Jet, 

 

Who ever burned you, burned you good b/c I have never such negativity against women. I agree that men and women equally assume responsiblity to the sexual health of eachother. But wow dude, lay off of your "women are the sexual devils" bit.

 

@ The other concerned posters...talk to your doctors and spouses. Have some open and honest conversation and keep people out of your business. Only you and your spouse can make the decision on how to proceed with your marraiges. That is not to say that we all need and appreciate an unbiased option regarding marital issues from time to time, but in the end the decision will be made by the two of you.  

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sarak234, Community Member
11/17/08 2:14pm

kdjf

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alecia, Community Member
11/22/08 8:17pm

I just found that my husband of over 2 1/2 years has genitial herpes. It is possible that I might not have it?

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Maddie, Community Member
1/ 6/09 10:00am

I have genital herpes, but didn't have an initial outbreak, until after we were married.  I know I contracted it before we were married.  My husband to this date has never had an outbreak and I don't know if he has it or not.  Doesn't really matter at this point for us, but it's possible your husband has had it all these years w/o knowing, like I didn't know.   I luckily don't have a lot of outbreaks with it, but it's something I'll have to live with for the rest of my life too, so you are not alone.    Approximately 25% of women are infected with it to date...unless you think your husband cheated then he probably didn't know he had it.  Hope that helps.

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jose cruz, Community Member
12/17/09 9:51pm

i noticed that something was not right for several days, it got worse one morning and i noticed a painful blister. i immediately seeked medical attention. the doctor took one look and comfirmed that it was herpes. i went for a second opinion, and the doctor said that it may not be herpes.  i went for a t hird a fourth and a fifth test, exams, blood test etc, and all came negative.  This was in 2001-2002.  After that, i never had an outbreak. 2002 2003 2004 2005 2006 2007 or rather, in 2007.  i had married my wife in 2005, and everything was good, and suddenly, one morning, my penis was itching something awful.  i didn't think much of it but it continued making me make several trips to the bathroom to get a glance at it.  I tried to wash it with soap, and even stopped in stores to look at what had become a nusance.  i went to  the doctor and he said it was probably fungus and gave me cream.  But then, it became worst, and so i went for a second time, and this time, he took blood, and it came out positive. Herpes.  Recently, my wife has complained of a little ball in her viginia, and it hurts her. i have no doubt, that i gave it to her. it has been several times that she has complained about it.  How do i tell her that i may have  given her herpes without her assuming i cheated on her.

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Kaye, Community Member
3/19/09 7:46pm

I just found out today that I have HSV 1 and 2. I have never had an outbreak and I have been with my husband for 10 years. He has had outbreaks before, but doctors told him that it was folliculitis and his blood work was also negative. I have two children and was tested with both of them and was negative. I was even tested when I went for my annual 2 months and that was negative. So today when I got my results I was very confused. Oh yeah I was with my husband at his E.R visit the first time and present for all his lab work. I received the results so again I am confused and very upset because why was this not caught sooner. What if I've had this for years, I could have killed my babies. If anyone can explain to me why I am just finding this out now please explain.

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Gara, Community Member
8/ 3/09 11:28am

It is very possible that the virus has been laying dormant in you for some years. Perhaps something triggered it and caused it to be active. I would focus on natural remedies instead acyclovir or valtrex (too many side effects). Stock your cabinet with lysine, vitamin c, and lemon balm oil, just concentrate on keeping your immune system strong and it will fight off the virus. Stay away from all nuts, chocalate, stress, and beer.

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Kimm, Community Member
8/13/10 10:50pm

puhleeeaaze!!! As a clinical pharmacist, I can tell you unequivocally that there are no natural remedies to actively treat the herpes virus. Please people, listen to your doctors. Take Valtrex/acyclovir. It will keep the virus at bay and prevent you from passing the virus along. If you are a gambler and love losing...try the natural remedies suggested above.

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Pia, Community Member
10/ 6/10 8:26am

I think natural remedies are fine if your primary concern is relieving discomfort. If you are sexually active, you should be on meds to do whatever is possible to reduce the chance of transmission. I have outbreaks very infrequently (once every year or couple of years) so I am not on meds. I am married to someone who already has HSV, too (not from me). FYI I have found that Preparation H or Tucks wipes work wonders for providing temporary relief from burning or itching. Also, my first 2 times being tested, I tested negative for HSV, but I knew I had it anyway and so took precautions despite what the results said.

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amber, Community Member
8/30/09 5:01pm

I am in almost the exact same situation. Had a outbreak a week ago and went in to get tests. My husband had one sexual partner before me and he was the first man I had sex with, oral or otherwise. He has never had an outbreak, never a blister or anything that he can remember. My doctor thinks its herpes, I almost had a heart attack when she said it. I have been faithful to my vows, and my husband has too. I am very religious and this is a huge blow. I am still waiting on the test results, and am praying harder than I ever have before that it won't be herpes.

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Harry, Community Member
10/ 7/09 5:42pm

My wife and I divorced seven months ago for financial reasons, but we still live together. After 19 years of marriage the divorce was intended to protect certain assets, but my wife also saw it as an opportunity to relive her single days.

 

Well, 3 months after the divorce was finalized my ex-wife ( supposedly in name only) started going out alot with her girl friends...ha, ha. However, it wasn't until she started getting extremely moody that I began to suspecct something was amiss. I started poking around in her things, something I had never done before, and discovered a tell-all journal that immediately made me feel insignificant and sad; it detailed several one-night stands. But a further search produced something that made my heart sink; I found Valtrex, Zovirax, Xanax, and a copy of a statement for completed lab tests.

 

She had been taking, off-and-on, the lowest dosage of Zoloft following the onset of menapause a few years back, but she never said anything about Xanax. I did not know what Valtrex or Zovirax was until I googled them, and what I saw made me sick. Not only was she cheating on me, but she also contracted genital herpes!

 

I am hoping she only recently contracted it. Even though our sex life came to a screaching halt about one year ago, I think it was due more to the stress of our situation rather than to extracurricular sex.

 

I am watching and waiting for any indication that she may have given it to me before her outrageous behavior began. As for the marriage, I guess it really is a divorce in the traditional sense; I think it's time to leave.

 

 

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Mary, Community Member
1/27/10 8:47pm

I didn't know someone out there was actually in my same situation. I have been married for 24 years to my high school sweetheart and we now have 3 sons. I was feeling very bad about 3 weeks ago. I was having itching, burning and went to the doctor, she told me I had an uninary infection and prescribe medicines for me. They after taking this for a week, my system seem to get even worse with sores developing and painful urinating. I went back she said she wanted to test me for herpes. I said thats a STD, I have never had sex with anybody other than my husband. So, she gave me a blood test. I told my husband and he said that was crazy, he said he has never cheated on me. But the test came back positive and my world turn upside down.  I have been so depressed, would never tell my sons or anybody in my family. I am glad to find this site, to have someone to talk to. I ask him to be tested also, and we are waiting for the results. If I am positive, he must be positive. What to we do if we are both positive? I don't know how I am going to live with this, but I don't have a choice.

Can anybody give me any advice on what to do to prevent this accuring? Should I stay with my husband after 24years or what?

So Sadden!

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know the feeling, Community Member
2/27/10 11:48am

Do you know what type of herpes you have? Herpes I or herpes II because almost everyone has Herpes I and if you had oral sex with your husband when he had a mouth sore then he could have pass it to your gential area.

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littlel, Community Member
8/15/10 4:51am

I would find out what type you have and then you wll know from there what to do. I am also being tested and if it comes back the one that you get from sex and not oral sex than i am dune. If he steped out and can lie to my face than i dont wat to be with a man like that and he is not some one i even know. I know it is hard but what else could he give you since he may have given you the gift that never stops giving. Men are very convincing I have noticed. " I would never do that or i have no idea how you have it  or it must be you cheating"!!! I do not have much faith in men right now and i truely think he gave it to me. He is a truck driver, so that tells you a lot. Gone all the time, never has time to talk, very bizzy with work and customers.

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Angie, Community Member
4/11/12 11:04am

Mary, don't give up on your relationship because of this.

After reading all these post I see that there are lots of us, all in the same situation. I've been in a monogamous relationship for 13 years, and just had my first outbreak of type 2 herpes only 2 weeks ago. It was hard to tell my husband. He hasn't been tested, yet. My biggest fear is that he'd think I was unfaithful not that he cheated on me. I believe him, that he has kept his vows to me. Marriage is based on a trust between two people. If you can't trust someone it's not a healthy relationship.
We've put so much work in strengthen our union it's very scary to face something like this. He says he believes me but asked me to get the herpes antibodies tested to determine if it's a recent infection or a recurrent infection.

I've had 4 other sexual partners before I was with my husband, and he's had twice as many as me. So it's likely that I had the virus without knowing and the virus could have been dormant without show signs of a major outbreak up until this point. I can recall a few times of having a sore that may have been a little itchy but went away within a few days. Often it would be right after my period and I thought it was caused from the use of tampons.
I can't be sure what caused me to have a full blown outbreak after all that time just that these factors all lined up, I've been under extra stress, I started working out so I've been sweatier then usual in my private area, and it appeared with the onset of my menstrual cycle.
I'm now 5 days into taking Valtrex a 10 day regimen and it's not making the painful sores go away as of yet. I guess the treatment is a little late at fighting the virus off, because it took over a week to get my test result back that said I was positive for herpes type 2.

Over all my husband has been fairly supportive and we've agree to find a way to continue together and try and coop with the virus. Our plan is to get him tested and educate ourselves as much as possible about treatments and prevention. It's very important that you know the blisters are very contagious and to always wash your hands after touching them, and to avoid sexual activity while you have them.

Also I'm going to pick up an over the counter topical gel product called MedaVir that is used for treat herpes. I hope this is helpful, and know that you're not alone.

 

http://www.medavir.net/

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Jenny jones, Community Member
11/17/13 9:39am
I am experiencing a similar thing. I've been with my partner for 8 years and about 6 months ago I had my first out break. It was just one lesion on my vagina flap but I knew what it was as I have had oral herpes for 10 years. I went to doctor and tested positive to hs2. I am also Confused and think my partner must have cheated. However he had been away for 6 weeks prior to my outbreak which makes me wonder if I somehow contracted it from a toilet seat or something. I have been doing my head in over this for months and still have not confronted him as I am worried he will just use reverse psychology and some how suggest I must have been the unfaithful partner and insist he has never had an outbreak so it must be me, and I'll still never get the solid answer I am desperately seeking to wether he has cheated or not. I have also read that this could have layed dormant for years in my system and just surfaced now, even that's a long stretch as it would have to be a whole 8 years ago!!! Reply
littlel, Community Member
8/15/10 4:32am

I had the same thing happen to me 5 days ago. I asked him ( MY husband) over and over again. He says he has not been with one person and he swore on his mothers life! I know where i have been and its only been with him. I keep thinking well maybe i have had it for years or he has and one of us gave it to each other from a past relationship , but i have been with him for 13 years and married for 11. I have had 3 kids with this man and my question is if it was something one of us got from a past relationship, how could i not have had a out brake or not noticed it in 13 years. My gut tells me he gave it to me. Where else would it come from? I also had gardenrella and i am waiting on the other test results. If it comes back syphillis or clap i will have him pin pointed. I also was told to go get a aids test from my local health department. I would of never thought i could get anything like this being married for 11 years. I am ot a pramiscuous person and never had a std in my life. Its very scary and i am so sad. I feel empty and alone. I know how you feel.

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lil imp, Community Member
8/15/10 11:18pm

I have been with husband for 9yrs..I knew he had Herpes, but we had been very careful and I had no signs of them. He has not had a break out in probally about 5yrs. But low and behold I had a break out but it didnt look like his. It also went away about as fast it came. I had this about 6mths in a row. I really didnt even think I had them because the area was more like a scratch and no blisters, but very painful. It was time for my check up and so I started with the first logical thing and had the DR do a blood test to check it out. Sure enough I tested positive for Herpes. I was told by the DR I  didnt need to even take a pill unless I have more than 9 episodes a year. So anyway the jist is they can lay dorment and all of a sudden show up. I do feel for you tho and it makes you feel dirty.

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grace, Community Member
9/20/10 2:02am

Thanks for sharing  your story.

I am considering dating someone who just told me they have genital herpes.

I am considering dating them because I love them but I need to know the best way to protect myself and have children.

If you don't mind, I would like to know, if you guys always used condoms?

Also, how easy was it for you to decide to marry your husband, knowing he had herpes. Did you have mixed emotions when he first told you?

 

Either way, sorry that you have herpes but deep down, I hope you know you are not dirty. I wish you and your husband the best in your marriage :-)

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Jay, Community Member
6/ 9/12 1:22am
This is not a reason to turn anyone down, the fact that you are even considering making a life with this person says wonderful things about you, your willing to accept him the way he is because you love him. Even though there are very slight chances he can give it to you without an outbreak there is still something called viral shedding (look it up). You should not have intercourse with him when he has an outbreak, and i will say every 3 to 6 months go get checked out just to be on the safe side when you want to have children. You don't technically have to protect yourself to not get the virus, you can still get it with a condom if you come into direct contact with a sore. Some people live there whole lives without one single outbreak or symptom! Go ahead and learn more about it but don't make your desicion because of the herpes, people that didn't ask to get these diseases also deserve to feel loved and to have a family and someone that accepts them the way the are. Reply
Pia, Community Member
10/ 6/10 8:37am

I cannot give you the statistical likelihood, but yes it is possible to have herpes for a long time before passing it to someone. I myself have had the virus lay dormant for 6 years between outbreaks. I am not sure if I was ever shedding the virus while I had no symptoms, but many people are not very contagious while the virus is dormant. (don't worry--I am careful and always assume that I can spread the virus! I am just speculating for the purposes of answering the question.) When I first contracted HSV, I had regular outbreaks. That lasted for about 3 years. Then, all of a sudden...nothing! No outbreak for 6 years. No symptoms. It is likely I was not able to spread it, too. (maybe). Then, this year, I had an outbreak. Had I been in a relationship with someone not infected and then just this year gave it to them, it might look bad to them, although I had actually contracted the virus 9 years ago.

 

So yes, it is POSSIBLE that he didn't cheat.

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loca1985, Community Member
12/ 2/10 9:08am

ive seen no one has wrote on here for awhile but i hope some one reads this. im kinda in the same situation. i have a older son not from my husband hes 7 1/2. idk if they tested me back then but, i met my husband a yr after i had my son. so that was 2004 we got married in 2006 a few months later i got preg. with my 2nd child i found out i had herpes. i was totally shocked. we had him tested and his was neg. ive never had a out break that i know of. i know ive read to sometimes we think its a yeast infection. ive been having lots of those since i was a little girl. we just had a little grl last yr. and he was retested and still neg. is it really possible that weve been together for 6yrs and hes never gotten herpes. maybe my test was wrong. could i have been born with this from my mother or from a sertin nasty someone that she married. id really like to have some answers because the few people ive been with has never gotten this.

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Linda, Community Member
12/16/10 11:56pm

I intially started this post.  My husband still does not have genital herpes. He has the one that causes cold sores but yet he has no outbreaks of these.  Our doctor believes it was passed on through oral sex.  He basically suggested we not worry about it because it is hard to pinpoint exactly where it came from ... I wondered in the back of my mind if my husband thought I cheated on him but he knows that I waited 26 years for my spouse so it was good that he had that trust in me.  I on the other hand questioned him until he was tested and came up negative.  It has been 2 years now and I have had about 3 outbreaks and stopped taking my medication.  I do know the symptoms of me having a low grade temp and extra discharge when an outbeak is coming on.  My husband does not care about us using protection but I know how painful it is so avoid intercourse if I have  low temp.

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vague, Community Member
2/26/11 8:24am

Honestly, some of these posts make me sick to my stomach. This is and may always be a very touchy subject, and some of you are easily pointing fingers on your partners or even downing yourselves in such demeanor.

 

I've had HSV I&II for nearly 10 years (who knows how long before that). I was diagnosed at the age of 19. I have talked to many different doctors over the years and no one will give you the exact same answer simply because the virus is so unpredictable and we're obviously not able to cure it yet. I have given up on a straight answer, to be honest. I look at my own facts, which are the easiest to understand (and why wouldn't they be?). I have had multiple partners since then, and if I'm correct that's about 6 partners. I always tell my partner up front that I have the virus and there is no gaurantee of anything before I jump into any relationship. So far, surprisingly, all has been okay with the situation. I have also had tons of unprotected sex with those partners as well. The kicker? Well, no one has contracted the virus from me (unless it was held from me). I would ask them to go get tested as often as they could, went with them, etc. etc. I used to take Valtrex about 5 years ago, but even then, it didn't seem to do much of anything. Since then, I have not used any home remedies or medication to subside what most think is the answer. The problem is, and you can easily tell by just reading these posts, is that there is surmountable evidence that no one truly knows what will work for that particular individual (in both dealing with the situation and medicating the virus).

 

It does not surprise me that some of you have had it for decades and you have never passed it on to your partner or vice versa. One thing I have noticed, for me anyway, is that the longer I've had the virus (at least since symptoms began 10 years ago) is that I have had less frequent outbreaks - maybe 2 or 3 a year - and again, the fact that somehow I have never transmitted the virus to a partner. Again, these are just my facts - it does not mean that it would be the same for anyone else.

 

Please, do not point fingers at your partners, or call yourselves dirty or gross. It sets the tone for the rest of us that have it, and none of us will ever be in the exact same situation; that's just how life is. It sucks that we have what we have, but just take whatever precautions necessary that makes you feel more comfortable with it because that's all you can do from here on out.

 

It's nice to be able to chat with others out there that have it, but let's try to keep this as positive as possible. Good luck and best wishes.

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Lost, Community Member
3/30/11 4:35pm

I had my first outbreak 1 year ago and my husband of 9 years was being accused(I was told by a friend) of cheating with a promiscuous woman from his past. He swears he never cheated, but it is hard to understand how you don't have it and then BAM, you have an outbreak after years of marriage;(

 

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Jakedi3, Community Member
5/27/12 2:09pm

You are so right.. We should be positive about it regardless  the situation..The way my husbands suddenly makes me feel about me having it n not him because his results came up clean makes me sick 2 my stomach..I posted abit about my story 2day all d way in the bottom..(JAKEDI3) maybe you wanna read it...Hope all d Best 2 you...

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Did he give it to me, Community Member
10/26/11 7:59am

I don't know the answer but I have a similar scenario (the system will not allow me to post my question). I thought I should reply to you since we are in the same boat.

I was not with anyone for 6 years, prior to that I was with the same guy for 3 years, then not with anyone before that for 5 years. That is 14 years with only one partner. I never once had any sign of herpes. Then about 3 weeks ago, I was with a guy and within 3 days of being with him I experienced blisters in the vaginal area. I immediately got tested and came back for herpes. The outbreak was really bad (consistent with first exposure) and the timing 3 days after sexual encounter (also consistent with first exposure). I told him something was wrong even prior to going to the doctor and then when diagnosed I freaked out on him telling him that he gave it to me. He is implying that I gave it to him.

What is the percentage or probability that he gave it to me over me giving it to him? I've never had an STD before this so I find it hard to believe that I gave it to him. 

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Mwish, Community Member
3/24/12 7:02pm
I have been with my boyfriend for four years and suddenly I have herpes. I immediately told him to get checked, and he came up negative...then he accused me of cheating and left me. I never cheated on him. I don't know when or who I got it from, but he didn't believe me. I thought I had been tested but it turns out that doctors only test for herpes when you specifically ask. When you ask a doctor for an std test they will not test you for herpes or aids/HIV. Reply
sadman, Community Member
4/ 1/12 12:54am

 

My wife and I been married for almost 7years and on Feb 14th we just like other couples had a night of crazy intercourse. Well the funny thing is we had oral sex and somehow it never showed up on my penis. I don't understand that? She never had any signs. We had to children who are very healthy. The only thing we can think is her sharing cigarettes at work were she is a waitress at a bar. Also many other waitresses always used her lip gloss. I have only been with two people my ex-wife and my current wife. I hope my wife now never cheated me. However you would think she would show signs or have an outbreak like I did. This entire thing is so confusing and scared to give on accident to my children. We don’t even kiss them anymore. SAD but I rather be safe. Grrrrr Life is wonderful always keeps us on our toes.

 

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attimesithurt, Community Member
4/ 1/12 9:50pm

Keep in mind GOD wouldn't put no more on you then what you can handle.  Sorry to hear that this has happen but you can't catch such of a virus from sharing cigarettes.  And when I was diagnosed in 2009 I cried everyday with only one breakout since.  I've ask the doctor how long have I had it they informed me that it can remain hidden for weeks, months, or even years; sometimes no symptoms at all.  So I was completely confused and highly disappointed but the best thing of all the person I was with at the time was extremely supportive of the issue then I told him that he need to get tested.

 

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sadman, Community Member
4/ 8/12 1:02pm
Here is the crazy things is. My blood showed neg for herpes. Now im really confused how my wife never showed systems and now im the only dealing with this. As far as te cigs I was told that it can happen if you share cigs with some who has a sore and then share right after the infected person. I dont know its just really hard dealing with this. Scared to death my kids with get it some how. My wife dont even kiss our kids anymore she scared it may pass to them. We know its from her lips;-( Reply
mtm, Community Member
4/ 5/12 1:50pm

Please tell me if my x is lying. I havent been with him for 6 months now. He told me he is sure that he has herpes. I have been with a new partner for 4 months now and neither of us have had a outbreak. Is it possible that I gave it to him back when we did have problems? If I do have it, wouldnt my new partner have had a outbreak by now??? Please help me figure this out.....

 

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Stupidhead McGee, Community Member
4/21/12 4:56pm

I was married for twenty four years and never cheated.  After becoming single I had an outbreak that seemed like herpes.  I checked with my partner who tested negative (not before I accused him of giving it to me though).  I tested positive but was told it was an old infection and that my symptoms were from something else.  My x turns out to have it but no other partners come out positive.  I don't think he cheated,  but even if he did, the infection stayed in my system without symptoms for years.  Now after numerous doctors visits--everyone from the urologist to the dermatologist--I am told that my symptoms ARE herpes.  Doctors don't know much about herpes and you can't always believe what they tell you.  I'd be really careful before deciding that you had been cheated on.  It can stay dormant for a really long time or you can have symptoms so mild you don't recognize them.  Then something, stress, physical trauma, god knows what, can bring it out.  The other thing to remember is that herpes is not really that big a deal.  Lots of people have it, most people don't have very bad outbreaks.  Prior to 1975 when Burroughs-Wellcome introduced Valtrex no one even cared about it at all. 

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TheIdiot, Community Member
5/11/12 3:48pm

I am sorry for you. I can tell you this.

We men are stupid and don't think past our animalistc urges. He may or may hot have cheated on you. If you are absolutely sure that he is the only one you have been with, then he is the likely source of your infection. But please have a forgiving heart and try to deal with this.

I myself am going through the classic symptoms of genital herpes right now. May be I have had it all my life and it is just manifesting itself. I didn't cheat on my wife.

In retracing my steps back to several weeks, I used a dirty toilet seat where I found out that something mucous like was right on my left butt. I washed up and didn't think it was a big deal. But my IGM test result shows a 'high flag' for herpes. My wife is 7.5 months pregnant with our first son. This is killing me inside. I wish I could die right this minute so they have happy and fulfilling lives. 

I know how you feel. But you can only hope we will have the strength to deal with this.

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Jakedi3, Community Member
5/27/12 11:21am

I was a virgin when i met my husband. few months later im pregnant and then chlymidia and then warts..These news totally scared me etc. But he was there 4 me and w me all d time..Times go by my daughter is born etc...By d way, he has always been d person 2 tell me that i can go away to my parents house whenever i want and stay as long as i want. he tells me 2 go away to my country and stay long etc.. I had always my doubts about this from him. Why he doesnt want 2 spend time w me but rather me go away meet ppl..talk chat etc..that wasnt the kind of person that i was or wanted to be...so this is d point now: back in 2010 i had return from my country after my grandfather had past away and i started noticing him very different w me. long story short a few months later i started feelin itchy, then brake ups. I said wow this yeast infection is weired..Went to many different hospitals cu no one could tell me what i had.. It was might worst nightmare.. i could not sleep walk pee etc...All along he was there w me etc...One day at a hospital dey finally tell me what it was..HERPES.. I went crazy.. I wasnted to die...I cried like a baby.. i couldnt understand how.. Then i started to remember how often my husband tells me 2 go away take a break etc.. And in that specific last trip 2 see my grandpa die, he mentioned it 2..I had been faithfull to him all long, so i knew i got it thru him..But all these years he had never had any break ups..it seems like he has been the carrier i guess..I was the one to pay all d consequences..I took medicine and a while later i started to get better...i then confronted my husband about how he thinks i got HERPES....he then confess 2 me da when i went to see my Grandfather he had met someone...it was a short thing he said n that nothing happened than kissin..he doesnt know how i got it but it must have been that way. so ever since we met he never had blood work done to check for any std etc. till now. he went 2 weeks ago and to my surprise his resutls come up clean..no nothing, no nada...I could not believe it..he was all happy etc. He then started blamin me 4 it.. That it must have been me when i went 2 see my family etc...thou hes waiting 4 another result (retake) 4 this week comin up now, hes sure it would come up clean..he now want to ger separated n see how things go..We haven know each other since 2007..We have 2 beautiful healthy children and he wants to play like this...Im ok with it in away cuz our relationship its not workin out so well anyways..But to blame me cuz his results are clean..nah i wont not ever 4get da episode, ever...How can it b possible 4 me to have HERPES but not him...Ever since we met i have been constantly testin myself 4 that same reason and because of the way that he is. prior to my positive result i had it tested 4 any stds about 5 months before that and i had negative result 4 it...HELP...Whats wrong here???

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Edone, Community Member
12/12/12 3:16am

Hi everyone, am edone from United States I can still remember 2months ago When I was left with a broken heart by my fiancee, I was unable to sleep, i wake up even i try to sleep and cry out my life, Everyone was saying he doesn't worth all my pains and love, but deep inside of me, he worth every drop of my tears.It was worse that i had to be buying sleeping pills to sleep at night.
My fiancee left me with a 2months pregnancy few months to our weeding, he dumped me for another lady because of what i don't know. He said to my face that i am a looser and he never loved me, which i know its a lie, it was so surprising that he changed to a demon i never see in him. Then I noticed that the heart monitor was showing a beat! But this was only his pacemaker. each day has never been the same for me since that day. to worsen issue i lost my job and everything was like am drowning in an ocean i cant swim.
There was a day i was just surfing the net and i saw a website of this spell lady, PRIESTESSIFAAGREATSPELLPOWERS.WEBS.COM, she sound so powerful that i felt that she can bring back to me all that i have lost.
I contacted her through her email on priestessifaa@yahoo.com and she gave me hope that things would be back to normal with her spell, i did doubt because it was my first time to see spiritual work and since my liver could turn a demon over, so i believe anything can still happen. I gave her all details she requires to carry with the spell, An few hours later she came back to me telling that the gods reveals that the other woman did a very strong evil spell on me for my lover to start seeing me like and slot and hate me forever. This hurt even more than a nail in my head, i gave the spell lady a go ahead to do a go ahead to break and curse and return my lover to me.
The most happiest part i expected and came to pass but was so fast and accurate was that my lover came to me after 4days begging with his life that he never knew how things went like that, he went back, to that lady, he beats and push her out of his house and never to see her again.
Everything was like having my life back again all through this spell lady Priestess Ifaa. she is awesome and great with her spell and she is so accurate and fast with her work.
My lover and i are getting married this december and in few months from now i will put to bed. Priestess ifaa is a goddess. meet her and heal your broken heart too.

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Edone, Community Member
12/12/12 3:17am

Hi everyone, am edone from United States I can still remember 2months ago When I was left with a broken heart by my fiancee, I was unable to sleep, i wake up even i try to sleep and cry out my life, Everyone was saying he doesn't worth all my pains and love, but deep inside of me, he worth every drop of my tears.It was worse that i had to be buying sleeping pills to sleep at night.
My fiancee left me with a 2months pregnancy few months to our weeding, he dumped me for another lady because of what i don't know. He said to my face that i am a looser and he never loved me, which i know its a lie, it was so surprising that he changed to a demon i never see in him. Then I noticed that the heart monitor was showing a beat! But this was only his pacemaker. each day has never been the same for me since that day. to worsen issue i lost my job and everything was like am drowning in an ocean i cant swim.
There was a day i was just surfing the net and i saw a website of this spell lady, PRIESTESSIFAAGREATSPELLPOWERS.WEBS.COM, she sound so powerful that i felt that she can bring back to me all that i have lost.
I contacted her through her email on priestessifaa@yahoo.com and she gave me hope that things would be back to normal with her spell, i did doubt because it was my first time to see spiritual work and since my liver could turn a demon over, so i believe anything can still happen. I gave her all details she requires to carry with the spell, An few hours later she came back to me telling that the gods reveals that the other woman did a very strong evil spell on me for my lover to start seeing me like and slot and hate me forever. This hurt even more than a nail in my head, i gave the spell lady a go ahead to do a go ahead to break and curse and return my lover to me.
The most happiest part i expected and came to pass but was so fast and accurate was that my lover came to me after 4days begging with his life that he never knew how things went like that, he went back, to that lady, he beats and push her out of his house and never to see her again.
Everything was like having my life back again all through this spell lady Priestess Ifaa. she is awesome and great with her spell and she is so accurate and fast with her work.
My lover and i are getting married this december and in few months from now i will put to bed. Priestess ifaa is a goddess. meet her and heal your broken heart too.

Reply
Chick1202, Community Member
1/11/13 6:09pm
I also have a similar situation. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and have never had an outbreak until recently. Does this mean he has cheated on me.? I was very carful and always have been careful about these kind of things. Him on the other hand I cannot be too sure of who w has slept with before me, or maybe cheated.? Reply
MRS KATRINA, Community Member
1/25/13 3:51am

My husband has abandon me and the kids for the the past 5months now, and refuse to come back because he was hold on by a woman whom he just met, for that, my self and the kids has been suffering and it has been heel of a struggle, but i decide to do all means to make sure that my family come together as it use to, then i went online there i saw so many good talk about this spell caster whose email is blackspiritualtemple@gmail.com so i had to contact him and in just 3days as he has promised, my husband came home and his behavior was back to the man i got married to.I cant thank the spell caster enough for what he did for me, i am so grateful. I even spoke to the spell caster over the phone, to confirm his existence. His email again is:blackspiritualtemple@gmail.com

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Charlot, Community Member
3/29/13 8:30am

I'm 27 years old and three weeks ago i found out that i am bf was cheating and has even impregnated the other girl. I no choice but to let go, but i met a spell lady priestessifaa@yahoo.com who did a spell to make the other lady got miscarriage and brought my lover to me crawling with his knees for forgiveness,. i just know and feel in my heart that I'm doing the right decision 4 me and my lover are getting married soon.....

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jeff, Community Member
11/19/13 4:08pm


steve was the love of my life and walked out on me after I cheated on him twice with his best friend. I don't know why I did

it and going back to it, it wasn't even all that great (lol). His best friend was an asshole and really screwed us. I was the

horrible person and the weak person however and gave in to him. It was not fair to Mike and I cannot even imagine how it

feels. Except...I imagine SORT OF IT BEING...similar...to the situation of him walking out on me. I know what I did was wrong

but it was not planned. I wanted another chance. I knew we were meant to be. With dr egbenakhue the spell caster finally get

my second chance. They are great, worked with me through it all and the results I could clearly tell were nearly instantly

working for me. It wasn't long or horrible like the other casters I have tried. These man is  for real! Give him a shot. You

may post this on your new site, you have my blessing" egbenakhuespelltemple@gmail.com is the answer

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jaloe, Community Member
4/ 4/13 7:15am

I just broke up with my girlfriend a couple months back. I really love her and want to get her back. Its been about 4 months since we broke up. We had a fight and she said she loved me a lot before the fight and after the fight she said she did not have the same feelings for me anymore. I really need help to get her back so i contacted a spell caster on the internet and i explain my problems to him and he cast a spell for me and guarantee me of three days that she will come back to me,to my surprise the third day she come back to me and now we are getting married.i just want to say thank you zukutempleofsolution@gmail.com for helping me to get my ex girlfriend back to me and i am totally grateful.just in case you also need his help you can contact him on Email zukutempleofsolution@gmail.com he can also render help to you if you need him to..... jaloe

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Roger Ram Jet, Community Member
10/10/13 2:53pm

Guess who gave you that   honey.  This stuff is a lot worse than everybody makes out it to be. My friend was suppossedly engaged to a virgin and lo and behold he got stds from her. This was determined after extensive medical tests. He was just about eight months shy of the wedding and lost about 35000 dollars of his hard earned money against a wedding he walked away from. On top of that everybody still denyed that his bride was the one with stds after extensive medical information and tests  proved it wasnt my friend. A lot of people were hurt but mostly the family on both sides of the wedding party looked like idiots when they started fighting amongest each other blaming my friend for everything that was wrong when it wasnt him at all. At the end of all this my friends parents tried to make my buddy marry this bitch. When he refused he was dis owned by everyone in his family. I am shocked about the cavlier attitude of getting stds is, it is a horrible diease and if not caught in time can and does have  life altering consequences. I guess what michael douglas said about oral sex might have some truth in it. It wasnt to long after that he and Catherine Zeta Jones broke up. I cannot understand why men and women are so trusting with their sexual partners. If you are involved in flings,hookups and Fwbs you can rest assured your partner has been slam banging quite a few partners and then to pretend like it is not important to have  protection is niave and stupid. Youve made your bed now lay in it. How unresponsible could you of been.Good luck.

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Roger Ram Jet, Community Member
10/10/13 3:02pm

I guess the solution to all this is to wear condoms and use the foam, but i agree only with one thing you say and that is, yes it is foolish to think that a sexually active man or woman have only been carrying a mattress around with them the odd Friday night here and there. How many Friday nights are there in a year? Yuck..

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jeff, Community Member
11/19/13 4:10pm


“I have met mantins five (5) months ago and I felt since the very first moment this is the love of my life. The first month

he was indifferent to the situation even I felt he was behind all women except me. I asked myself: Does he know that I exist?

I was feeling terrible about this because deep in my mind I knew he was the right person for me. My friend, Julia told me:

There is this africa voodoo, he can help you. I was skeptical at the beginning to be honest because I never believe in these

types of things. I decided to contact dr aduga and he was very sweet, and he knew also that mantins was meant to be my soul

mate. he sent me a Love Spell that worked in 3days he invited me to dinner, then to the disco, then to the theater…..now he

is just mine!! Thank you so much!!! this is the email of the spell caster adugasolutiontemple@hotmail.com  

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Hilary, Community Member
3/ 1/14 1:24pm
I'm in the same situation. I am married and just had my first outbreak.I've been with my husband a year. My first reaction was he cheated but did my research on the disease. One in five people have it. You can spread it with or without a condom , without knowing you have it, when you don't have an outbreak, and it can be dormant for years before your first outbreak. My husband had a sore on his penis then a week later I had a outbreak 8 sores. Women get it worse. He tested negative I think because the sore was almost healed when they took the swab 7 days after Outbreak. I kicked my husband out but my Dr said there's no way to prove who gave it to who? I think he had it before and didn't know it. He has moved in but lives in guest room. Making him Take the blood test it's more accurate. I feel your pain. Hang in there and start researching on planned parenthood and Center For Disease Control website. Reply
Einstein, Community Member
6/ 8/14 10:34pm
Watch the SNL Valtrex commercial with Alec Baldwin. You are the Amy Poehler character in that commercial. Reply
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By Linda, Community Member— Last Modified: 06/08/14, First Published: 10/03/08