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Unfortunately even one exposure to aperson who has herpes can = herpes infection being passed on to you.  and let's be clear - you won't always see active lesions when the person is "infectious."  So you really need to take even a "one night stand" seriously and realize that condoms are the best barrier (that plus knowing who you're with and what their health history is).  You could then have passed herpes on to your wife even if you also did not have obvious lesions.  Both of you should see a doctor to get further information if that's possible.