I was 16 when i was raped; it was March or may of 2008. I never realized you couldn't trust the ones you thought you trusted. And quit frankly, i was pissed. I don't understand why this happened to me; he knew i was into guys, but he done this anyways. Me and my girlfriend have been together since September 21 of 2009 and i love her with every thing i have, and she kept my mind off of the past, until i discovered blister like pimple things. they hurt, really bad and i itched severely, i thought i had PID(Pelvic Inflammatory Disease) again, because i was getting yeast infections and PID infections, i also recently broke out in massive hives, and we had no clue what was wrong, i went to the doctor and the hospital and they still found nothing wrong with me. Finally it was about a month after all these incidents happened, i had my first "break out", which we're blister like pimples, but this was worse than the first one i had, i thought they were boils(and i wish the doctor said they were), so on Monday, May 17 of 2009.... i was diagnosed with Herpes. Once looked at, i remember the doctor saying, "I've seen alot of cases like yours, and more than likely you have herpes." I wasn't sure how i was feeling, i couldn't feel anything in my body, my sister was sitting next to me as i began to cry like crazy... I never asked for this is what i remembering saying to her as i was getting dressed. As we were driving home, in the rain, no words were said, until i heard my sister say " It's alright dooz, we'll get through this, i promise... you can let something like this bring you down." How can you not, when you know you feel disgusting and infected. My first thoughts were dropping out, and im still taking that into consideration, after i found out, this has changed my out look on everything, especially since i have sever depression... i was put on Acyclovir, and still taking it, i haven't had any allergic reactions that i know of besides itching all over my body and red splotches. As my sister and i came into C-ville, we stopped by my moms work and all i saw was her walking away and in tears, and i i told my self i was dumb and i caused all this. After 10 mintues my sister came out and told me our mom was going to meet us at the apartment. It wasn't long till my mom go there.. i couldn't look at her, nobody for that matter, i knew if i looked at them, they will look at me differently and think im disgusting. That night i called my girlfriend and told what i found out, all i heard was breathing... than i finally asked her if she was upset, " no, i just don't know what to feel" is what she said, immediately i thought through my head, oh no, she's breaking up with me... But she said something else " I will always love you no matter what i don't care if you have herpes, it will never take my love away for as i felt every other day before we found out, and your family will feel the same..." I thought about this and she was right, even though i still want to be alone in my room, not talk to any body, kiss, cuddle, or be near. And i don't know why this is? I really don't; i can't even eat with out feeling sick. I know i never deserved this; i only had sex with 3 people my whole life. But after being raped, i can't bear to look at myself in the mirror. I wish this would have not happened, i know my life will never be the same, i can't take this back either. Now every time i go in to get my Acyclovir, i see the pharmacist just looking at me as if im some tramp. The only friend i could tell was my best friend, because i knew she will be here for me from beginning to the end. I still wish i knew what i did to deserve this, and i know i'll probably never get my answer... But i a question asked is better left unspoken.