Saturday, November 01, 2014
Monday, April 06, 2009 tamer, Community Member, asks

Q: Precautions for couples planning to get married one of them have the HSV-2?

My fiance has the HSV-2 and we are planning to get married.We are looking forward to have kids oneday,and we are afraid of that virus casue problems later on the kids.

we are both 27 yrs old.

Looking forward to hear from you soon.

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Answers (3)
meIdo, Community Member
4/28/09 10:54am

When you are ready to have kids let your the OB know. They will take precautions during the birth of your child. Heck, go talk to one now, both of you, and ask your questions.


Also, know that I (the woman) have hsv2 and my husband does not and we have been married for 20 years now. None of my children have it and I had all vaginal births.


It is not as horrible as you think. Once my husband accepted me with hsv2 I hardly ever get an outbreak. Frankly, I only get them when my mother-in-law shows up. lol This is workable, and won't stop either of you from doing anything or having children.

forrest, Community Member
4/29/09 8:24pm

Thank you I have a question I am in love with a wonderful lady who has had the HSV-2 virus since she was 16, she is now 40. she has 3 kids all born vaginal births married to hubby for 16yrs and none of them have virus. we have never made love, had oral sex please help me get over my fears. can I give her oral sex? must I wear a condom the rest of my life? she doesnt take meds....only vitamins? it broke my heart to learn this about her

meIdo, Community Member
4/29/09 10:21pm

My husband and I have oral sex all the time, over 20 years. I can't imagine living without it. We use no protection, as I had him fixed after the kids were born. The longer you have hsv2 the less you suffer from it.


If I suspect I'm having it, I just tell him, no sex right now. We wait or do MM, or I help him out. I know when I feel funny downstairs. I also know that when I first told my husband to be at the time, I answered all his questions, and gave him booklets to read, which he gallantly refused to read. He said he trusted me. Him accepting me with hsv2 immediately reduced my outbreaks.


Living w/ hsv2 isn't this big horrible thing we all heard about, especially 20 years ago, it was the big taboo. It hasn't stopped me from doing anything. It hasn't made me more susceptible to other medical issues etc. I am a healthy 47 yo woman, in great shape, better shape than most women my age in fact. It's all attitude.


No one asks for this, but shit happens. And trust me a lot worse can happen: cancer, diabeties, kidney disease. In the scheme of things this is nothing.

Frank, Community Member
5/ 9/11 4:29am

like the 1st comment i have met someone i really like who thinks they may have herpes, she is getting tested as we speak but while we are waiting for results i got curious and wanted to know everything. i want to accept my partner and be by their side.


you have said that you have herpes and have sex with your parnter without protection have he has not caught it off you. is this simply because you do not have sex during an outbreak?


does that mean we can have sex without protection when there is no outbreak and if the medication or treatment is followed?


also what precausions did you take to give birth naturally and not infect your children?


hope you can help... thanks

meIdo, Community Member
5/10/11 6:09pm

We do not have sex during outbreaks, and we wait for some time after as well. I take suppression meds. Also, you should get tested, because you will learn if you already have hsv1 or hsv2. Some ppl are asymptomatic (no symptoms). I am symptomatic, so I know when I have it.


Here's the deal, it is possible that you could contract herpes and that is the risk you assume if you walk down this road. I'm saying, it's not as horrible as it's been made out. The 1st outbreak was uncomfortable, now not even worth noting.


In my day, when we had kids, unless you had an outbreak, you delivered vaginally. You can take the precaution of a c-section, but as far as I know they still follow this rule. Infants acquire STDs via the birth canal on the way out. We had 2 kids vaginally, and they are fine, and one is taller than me now. :)


Here's the thing Frank, supporting her, is not treating her like a disease. Not running to the bathroom to wash your hands a billion times, while she is standing there watching you. You have to decide if this person means that much to you, and you won't miss looking in her eyes. No one asks for bad things to happen to them, they just come down the road for all of us, one way or another.


Regarding sex, check out this doc's stuff. He works/ed in this field. You want to talk to a person who does this stuff for real, not just the local doc who does family medicine...


Good Luck


jstrange, Community Member
7/ 9/11 3:21pm

THANK YOU to the woman who's been posting about her experience with HSV-2. I'm 33 years old and have had HSV-2 since I was 19 years old. During my 20s, I just knew my aspirations of being a wife and mother were forever lost. Now I've found a man (the man of my dreams) and he accepts me....completely. It blows my mind.


I've actually had more outbreaks than usual lately because I stress out about bringing potential harm to him. My outbreaks have never really been "bad". They are small in size/area, last about a week and occur about 3 times a year.  I've decided to begin suppressive therapy (valacycovir) as one effort to protect him. I get an achy pain in my legs and feet when an outbreak is coming, which is usually my alarm or indication that now is not the time for sex. I would like to have children and it has always been a concern of mine that they would in some way be effected by my condition - thank you for easing my concerns.

meIdo, Community Member
7/10/11 6:11pm

Good Luck jstrange... WOOT Laughing

Mattie, Community Member
11/20/11 1:42pm

How did you tell your guy you had hsv-2... and how long did you wait to tell him. I have recently met the man of my dreams and I just don't know how to tell him. I am so afraid of him not accepting me.

meIdo, Community Member
11/26/11 9:05pm

Wow, this is the biggest thing about having H ... the talk...


After about 3 months of dating, what I did was gather all the pamplets I could w/ information on hsv2. I had him over for dinner then told him we needed to talk. I told him I have herpes simplex #2, offered the pamplets to him, and asked if he had any questions that I would be happy to answer them.


He simply said he trusted me, and didn't even look at the materials. He didn't change his behavior towards me. Everything just kept on progressing. That's how I knew he was okay with it.


Other men I told prior to him reacted differently. And there is no way to tell how someone will react. Some not well, others it makes no difference, creates no distance. This is the hardest part about having H, "the talk". Sometimes you get a big surprise, and they tell you they have it too.


Many of us talk to each other, as you are, and look for support and encouragement. In the end, you won't know the kind of man he is until you tell him.


In the scheme of things herpes is a small thing, overblown, and more taboo than fact. Cancer is far worse, blindness, liver disease, diabetes. Something is coming for all us eventually. How a man (or woman) handles the small stuff will tell you alot about them, and in the end, however it goes, believe it is for the best.


I wish you luck babe. I'm rooting for you.

Mattie, Community Member
4/22/12 11:52pm

Thanks, That's what bugs the most... is people that don't have it have no clue how not terrible it really is. It's just a word that has been blown far out of proportion. Mister mcdreamy took the news well at first and then was long gone a few weeks later. This is the longest I have ever been single in my life and I'm really struggling. It's like I just want to avoid the whole thing completely.

Scott, Community Member
8/ 1/12 8:30pm

I know my fiancee just came right out with it. Told me she had it, and was willing to answer any questions. (as I've said in my previous message, there were things she didn't have the answers to, but it went pretty smoothly, because things were open, honest, cards on the table. As has been mentioned, there are going to be guys who'll just go with it, be accepting, and not worry, others will run for the door. In the latter case, just figure that it's best to find out in a case like this, rather than at a time when you really need him. It's sad, but it's times like these that will show who your real friends are.


After she told me, I went and looked up as much information as I could find about the condition. Not because of any distrust or anything, but because I wanted to learn all I could, so that I could be as supportive as possible. Knowledge is power.

Scott, Community Member
8/ 1/12 7:48pm

I just found this thread; it appears to be on the older side, so I'm not sure if I'll get any responses or not, but I'll toss out my questions anyhow.


I too am engaged to a woman who has hsv-2. I'm trying to be supportive as much as possible, but I understand that I've got a couple things working against me:


1) This is all very new to HER too, so she doesn't have all the answers herself.


2) Understandably she's not completely comfortable talking about it in great detail just yet.


This being the case I'll ask the couple of main questions that I have.


First of all, as we're going to be married, and monogamos, I'm wondering how careful I need to be. From what I know of HSV-2, it doesn't cause any "serious" health problems, and gets milder with time. How much of a risk really is there? Do I need to be using condoms, or is there any reason I shouldn't just enjoy a normal sex life with her, and basically not care if I catch it or not.


Secondly, when she's having an outbreak, what can I do to help/make her more comfortable/make things easier for her?

maddy, Community Member
11/ 9/12 3:52am

how did you meet your husband? i am concerned on my future. you sound very happy and thats wonderful! how were you able to overcome it?


Mike, Community Member
4/ 3/13 11:06am
I am in the same situation. We have been married for two years. My wife has it from someone she says" He didn't even know" Yea Right!!!!.. I am guessing ?? Your husband is totally ok with getting the virus ?? He is ok with blisters on his penis and rectum area ?? Is there any intimacy within you?? Reply
Mike, Community Member
4/ 3/13 11:09am
I am in the same situation. We have been married for two years. My wife has it from someone she says" He didn't even know" Yea Right!!!!.. I am guessing ?? Your husband is totally ok with getting the virus ?? He is ok with blisters on his penis and rectum area ?? Is there any intimacy within you?? Thank you for any comments... Reply
HelpmeunderstandKris, Community Member
4/13/13 6:52am
I've never been so terrified in all my life. After dating the most loving, adorable man for a few month I experienced what I thought was just a pimple on my outer butt cheek. Within a few days, after a bad sunburn, it blew up into a painful, gross welt. I sent a pic to my mother who used to be a nurse and she said it looked like a herpes outbreak. My initial reaction was "it can't be, it's only on my butt cheek, no where near my genitals!" but after looking at pictures I am pretty sure that's what it is. I am going to go to the doctors to get 100% confirmation but I was terrified to explain to my bf why I was constantly clothed and not showering with him. After all, we had JUST been intimate when I thought it was just a pimple and I feared rejection. As I shook and cried, he just wiped my tears and told me there are worse things in life, it is what it is, and we will get through it. I've been so scared to go near him. For him, he is so easy going I don't know what to do. Me being a woman, I want to talk about it, strategies how to handle it together, etc. but he doesn't seem interested in talking about it in detail. Like I just have a common cold. I am dying to get into the doctors just so I can ask the millions of questions I have running through my head! Like, if it's on my buttcheek, will it ever spread to my genitals? Can I give oral sex when I am "shedding?" " how did I get it on my buttcheek" instead of my vagina?" if it's on my buttcheek does that mean I'm also "shedding" in my vagina or just in the area of the OB? Any advice or answers to this question would greatly help. Reply
A_BC13, Community Member
6/10/13 2:08am
I'm not sure of the lady's name that changed my whole perspective of having and living with this virus, but I can say I feel a little better. Having this virus and knowing it won't go away completely on its own, only spiritual wise.... I just opened up finally, to the love of my life, after 1 1/2 years. :( I wanted to tell him from day 1. I just couldn't find myself to do it or even lose him. We have a 6 month old son together. Amazingly, with Gods grace, I was able to release my burden, my bf (boyfriend, and father of my child) is still here. Supporting his son and I, I mean I thought I would lose him. He states all the time that we are going to get through this, which I believe. I just never thought I would find someone like him to except me for me, like him. All I can say is.... God is good. Also, I'm not sure if he contracted it yet, but if he did, I'm sure it's going to be an emotional roller coaster for us both. Reply
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By tamer, Community Member— Last Modified: 11/01/13, First Published: 04/06/09