I know that a relationship is a relationship but I also know that a lesbian relationship has its own issues, are there an specific issues/concerns I need to be aware of when you are in a new lesbian relationship and your partner has just told you she has herpes, how she got it, how angry she still is, how very concerned she is about my welfare, how she wants to keep me safe and all that goes with this new topic in our lives? I know that is a mouthful of questions, not asked in a very straight forward manner but the questions are out there, some may be common sense but today I have so much going through my mind since my partner just told me last night. I care for this person so very much and I am trying to wrap my head around about being in a lesbian relationship and now herpes. I am trying to deal with both issues and want to be the best partner possible and really make this work, can you please help, if possible, with these issues? Thank you
First of all I am incredibly respectiful of the fact that your partner was willing to be honest and forthright - knowing that the information she was giving you could strongly influence how you proceed (or don't proceed) with the relationship. You are especially vulnerable because it sounds like you are really grappling with the lesbian aspect and then the herpes as an added factor.
That being said, having a lesbian releationship that involves oral sex means you are at risk - since unlike a man - you don't have a condom option for protection. This might be a strong reason for your partner to consider daily Valtrex - which does help to reduce the risk of her exposing you to herpes - but you need to realize that even if she takes Valtrex - it is not 100% assurance of not spreading herpes - it just lowers the risk considerably, as long as she watches for recurrences and you abstain from oral sex during the obvious period of a recurrence.
You have a lot of issues to think about - but at least you are better informed as you grapple with these decisions. Good luck.
If you continue to pursue this relationship, there are dental dams that can protect you in addition to your partner taking antiviral drugs. You won't get it if you both are careful and responsible. You might want to think about getting a herpes blood test. You might find out that you have it too. HSV testing is not included in standard STD screenings. You have to specifically ask for it.
Be thankful that your partner gave you a choice. Most people aren't that considerate.
I too have found someone that I truly adore- except she has herpes. I have been fighting with whether or not I should be with her. It is so difficult to not be able to do certain things and I am really paranoid about it. For lesbians, the second you get herpes- the second you are considered to practically have the plague. Once it gets out into the community that you have herpes, you are lucky to ever find a date again. I can't deal with that. I just don't know what we can and can not do. How it spreads....and how long it lasts in the air. Say if I penetrated her, how long does the virus last after that? Must I immediately wash my hands? Because quite honestly, that just ruins the moment. Of course, so does dental dams. It's heartbreaking and I truly feel for her. I don't know what to do.
I was just called by my doctor and told that my tests read positive for herpes type 2. I felt like I left my body and my gf is really great, but I'm really afraid she might just get tired of dealing... I know she wont want to touch me ever but she wont even let me touch her. I'm not stupid, I can see that she's worried and her body just shuts down on me whenever I try to even kiss her. Finding this post puts me a little more at ease. I guess I'm gonna have to live with this for the rest of my life.
Im a lesbian who was diagnosed with herpes today. So much info iv read is aboit hetero couples. Im glad i found this post. I am so worried i will die alone with my two cats in a studio lol.
I'm also a lesbian with herpes. Was diagnosed in 2008. My partner (A boyfriend) did not tell me he had it and we did the pull out thing instead of using protection. It is also a big fear of mine that i Will not be able to find a girl who accepts that and still wants to be intimate. SO far it has ended one relationship because I told her. BUt Also I think that if someone really cares about me they will be able to accept that. Geez I don't want to use dental dams! LOL. This year I took a sex and behavior class and my professor showed us a chart that basically said transmission of herpes has lower rates than any of the other major STDs (bacterial or viral) and the lowest rate of transmission was in the Female/Female population. I also take Valtrex every day so I just have to hope and pray this won't be a lifetime hangup.