I am 20 years old and was just diagnosed with genital herpes through a swab test from a lesion on my vagina. i feel scared and alone. my boyfriend gets cold sores and i thought that as where i got it from but my doctor said that isnt where i got it, since i only had one small lesion.. he says i have had it for a while due to the small size of my outbreak ( a lesion the size of a pencil eraser), but that upset me even more. I dont know who i could have gotten this from. where i could have gotten this from.. I only had unprotected sex with two people. one that i was with for three years n thought i would marry.. the other is the man i am with now and have been w for almost two years.. Other than that I have been completely safe and careful. Both men I was with were tested and are clean.. but I suppose if you dont have a lesion, that a swab test for STD's would come back negative most of the time right? Idk.. It makes me even more scared to wonder where it came from. Im scared itll come back again. I dont want to give it to my boyfriend, even though he said it doesnt make him love me any less n that well get through it. he says that if i give it to him that we'll work through it, but i love him soo much, i dont want him to feel the pain and dejection that i feel almost every day... My doctor said that without a lesion, it is still possible to spread genital herpes but the likelihood is very rare.. my boyfriend still performs oral sex on me and I want to make sure we're both protected.. what should i do to kill any possible germs on or around his mouth after he goes down on me? Use listerine? I have no idea and feel ignorant for not knowing but idk who else to ask.. I feel alone... I have only noticed that one original lesion, although i may have mistaken others for an ingrown hair? Please let me know what to do. I dont want to spread it. I naturally pee a lot and am always washing my hands with soap and water and my hands are soo dry theyre cracking, even though i put on TONS of lotion all throughout the day.. I want to tell my mother to seek solace and comfort but i am worried that she will react the same way that I did when I was diagnosed.. that I am dirty and damaged.. My doctor said I cant give it to my parents since it is spread through skin to skin contact, but i feel until my mother is thoroughly educated, that she will reject me, and make me feel even worse about it.. I know a lot of people feel this way.. I dont know where else to turn, thats why i went on this website to talk to people going through the same thing... I feel so alone even with my boyfriend by my side sometimes.. he has helped me a lot but I wish i knew someone else with this disease... please help..