My Computer Is Killing Me!

Call the police and get them here quick. My PC is attacking me. It has caused me to have heart surgery (angioplasty) and will soon cost me more as I continue to gain weight and consider weight loss surgery. It is evil as it slowly but surely fattens me up for the kill. It is relentless in its pursuit, attacking me both night and day with its never ending stream of information. It sucks my brain out and renders me completely unfit after hours and days and weeks sitting in front of it. It deprives me of sleep. Now it is taking my eyesight. It is worse than being sentenced to Guantanamo Bay! My family already thinks I am dead. Someone save me from this killer!