H E L P  R E Q U I R E D

  I need help again,I think I am sane and level headed,yet I am stuck in a very very dark corner in my life.I am addicted to codeine syrup,I take 2 to 3 bottles per day,I work night shifts and also am in a lot of stress,my relationship of 10 years is broken,I am in a mess(of my own making) I want to be healthy ,happy and normal. If i try to leave it the withdrawals symptoms are so extreme that thinking of them makes me shiver.if i don't get to drink my syrup with in 2 hours of waking up,I start getting jttery,shivery,my abdomen is on fire and it feels like I am about to die,the pain in my brain is amplified 100 times,my eyes feel like they will pop out,i get cold sweats,I get blood in my stool after every few days,it drips as if someone is spraying it from a syringe,sometimes it drips after I finish my stools,it goes on for long,i keep throwing water on my anus with a loo jet,then i try to dab it with tissues,I apply an ointment called annovate,only on the outside,my anus protrudes out like a volcanic Crater,there is no pain at all though,it scares me into shock,I feel weak,I also become negative and get thoughts of death and suicide,I have no interest remaining in sex,I do masturbate once a while,i have to force myself for it,my erections are weak and erratic,I have problem urinating after masturbation and after drinking the syrup i feel calm,sometimes euphoric,sometimes edgy and cranky,sometimes i feel lost in my own world,I also loose track of time,I get severe bouts of insomnia,I got a bad boil last time i quit,it was the most painful 1 month of my life,it has left a bullet hole mark on my left butt cheek on the outside part above the thigh.Recently I got a bad puss type infection under my right gum ,somewhere above the jaw bone and teeth roots,I went to a dentist,she gave me 3 days antibiotics and painkiller with anti acid..she asked for an x-ray,which I did and showed her,she said there is infection in the gum deep below the roots and i need special treatment, my gum pain has stopped so i forgot it now,I have constant ringing in my ears all day and night, I sometimes wake up with a gasp to realise i had stopped breathing unconsciously..its scary but i get tired and fall asleep again . If i sit on one side like when typing or reading,my arm or leg becomes numb as dead,i have to move it and rubb it to return normalcy.I get blurred visions sometimes too,Early morning when i urinate there is a foul chemicalish smell from my urine,sometimes the tip burns a little,maybe its acid,I also get hyper acidity,I work at a call centre with night shifts(5pm--3am)(10 pm--8am)they keep changing it every week,plus I have a big financial mess at home, I live with my mother,my father left us when I was 11 and all my mother's boyfriends ditched her after some time,my little sister moved out too.I have to shift next month as here ppl don't allow tennents to live at one place for more than 11 months,I feel that my palms are usually sollen and my face looks dull,the other day my mother asked me why my nails on feet and hands look blue, Since two days I have feverish feel,numbness of palms,bad upper respiratory congestion,I am coufing thick light green to greay cough,my voice also got hoarse last night,I have neck pain and i feel something dripping within my ears,I am drinking hot tea and some unani and aurvedic pills to suck on,i put them in the tea and drink,it is giving some relief.On the outside I think i look smare and successful but I am depressed too as my girl ditched me when I wanted her,I am in this codine addiction(on-off) for around one year and a half.I am 30 years old,I am 5ft-10in tall,weigh between 55 to 59 kgs,I am a vegetarian,I smoke more while i take codeine(20-30 cigarettes a day)Some time back I was smoking pot(weed and hash too,i have stopped recently due u more codeine intake) i drink very rarely,I have stopped my kick-boxing and exsersies since 1 year,I have stopped my chanting and meditation also from around that time, I am trapped I want to get out of this state without causing trouble,grief to my mother,without affecting my job(its only means of money) I don't want to get addmited to rehab,I want support and some medicines to fight widrawals,and I don't want the nightmares and maniac state of mind that comes after a week of quitting,its very very scary.i rather get beaten up in a street fight and get hospitalised,but i can't tolerate such horrible mental and physical pain..Someone guide me,I know my gow will direct someone to me and he or she will be an angel in human body... below are the details of the cough syrup. HELP ME !   ----------------------------------- Rexcof cough syrup(100ml) anti-tussive.ant-allergic.for dry cough. contents(5 ml)tea spoon... Chlorpheniramine Mealeate I.P___4mg Codeine Phosphate I.P________  10mg (Made by CIPLA LTD Ahemdabad India) ___________________________________ _______________________________

I would appreciate an expert advise,someone who is familiar with Indian body type,mind set,life style,food habits and most of all codeine effects and long term usage. I dont know who can help..but do help,somone one,some doctor who cares and can give advise free of charge.