Okay .. After 10 years of adjusting to MS I have learned how to keep my stress levels down .. each time a new wrinkle occurs I take a few steps back and just breath allowing the new info to  sink in and find it's place ..

So far so good in coping with current health issues .. I find that this works for me .. ther is nothing so dramatic anymore in my life but now my spouse has had an ACute Ischemic Stroke ..

He was never really the best caretaker honestly in fact he divorced me and we spent the past 8 years going back and forth .. all that is water under the bridge now ..

He had had hypertension dx'd 20 years ago .. he treated at first but decided as all macho men that he was cured .. in fact he was not and refused to get treatment not just by my oberservation but the "other" woman also a few years ago saw he needed some sort of help ..

Well, he now has diabetes and chronic high blood pressure .. he is bad with the obvious signs of stroke with exception to his walking and movements .. not going to bore you with small details .. his problem lies with the acceptance of not knowing what a couch is .. high anxiety and anger are being treated with xanax and even that he cannot take the recommended amounts as they do make him loopy and sleepy ..

Needless to say each morning he raises the same issues and begs a spat over the meds, the BP readings and his lack of being able to be "in control" .. this raises my stress levels and I refuse to add meds just to cope .. so far I find if I walk away and do my stretches and just clear my mind and breath while he rants on, I am fine ..

He on the other hand is only hurting himself .. in is not just in the morning it is later on in the afternoon .. he is suppose to take 1 milagram twice a day of xanax .. we have him taking 1/4 at breakfast , which I insisted he take, then 1/2 at bedtime .. I tried to see if he would take 1/4 in the afternoon at lunch with jis other med but as usual he "knows better" ..

See after 10 years he still doesn't get it .. I am called a "know it all" or wanting to be the "big maha" .. in his mind he knows he is wrong and admits to it but continues this pattern everyday ..

I intend , as power of atttorney, to talk to his doctor .. I am tired of his BS and even though it was said to him by several nurses and docs that he should just allow me to help him and that he does have anxiety and he does have diabetes and that he has had a stroke , he is in full denial more often than not ..

Hey , been there / done that and am a very patient and compassionate person or I would never have been here and he would probably have been still laying on the floor until his landlord came looking for his rent .. am I a smart ass , at this point I am just venting but some days I have to just flat out tell him to knock it off or he will have another stroke and next time he may not be so lucky ...

So thank you dear HC for allowing these shareposts and allowing me for all these years to vent .. I have grown stronger and learned much and will continue to keep myself in check .. peace !