The biggest thing we learned from my having IBD and IBS was to communicate well each other. That doesn't mean I sit around all day telling him exactly how I feel, how many times I've pooped, or what it looked like. But what it does mean is he knows that we may have a few false starts when trying to leave the house for a social engagement or a hike or just a walk around the neighborhood. We've learned that the day before, the day of, and the day after any kind of travel tend to be hard on me. So, he is helpful without being overbearing.

We have learned to build in a lot of grey space into our lives. Instead of living in a "yes I can" or "no I can't" world, I, and therefore, we, have learned live in a place of here's-the-plan-but-it-might-have-to-get-altered-or-changed-slightly-at-the-last-minute.

I've heard all too often about relationships that have broken up because one partner can't deal with the other partner's IBD or IBS and how it has affected both of their lives. And there are days when I feel guilty that my husband is now living with someone that he really didn't marry. I didn't have IBD when we were dating and now I do. I realize that it's not just me, but also he, who has had to change our lives immensely. I make it a point to talk about this with him. And typically, when I bring this up and ask him how he's feeling about things he gives something like the following answer:

"I know how hard this is on you and I wish I could make it all go away, but I can't," he might say. "And I also see how you work to live a good life despite the restrictions the IBD can put on you. If you were just to give up and not try, then I might not be so happy. But, you don't give up. You work hard at it every day. And we do many of the things we used to do, just a little differently. And who knows, someday I might end up sick with something that affects your life too. So, it's all give and take."

That's what a relationship is, what a marriage is. It's give and take. Respect. Communication. Never taking the other person for granted.

I love my husband. He is patient, maybe to an extreme. He is caring, because he loves me. And, he is understanding, possibly because he had cancer when he was 18-years-old and knows that everything can change on a dime whether we choose it to or not. I appreciate my husband and all the help and support he gives me and I make it a point to tell him that often. I also make it a point to ask him how he's doing with all my IBD stuff. Because even though he doesn't have to truly care for me physically on a daily basis he is, in a way, a caregiver. So I never forget that IBD doesn't just affect me, but it affects him as well.

I don't doubt that dating with IBD or IBS is difficult. But, there are caring people out there. And when you find that right person who loves you with all your good points and your bad points you'll know it. Any relationship is hard. And IBD and IBS just make a little bit more so. In an odd sort of a way my husband and I both agree that my having IBD and IBS has actually made us stronger as individuals as well as a couple simply because we don't take life for granted anymore. We treasure every good day, week, month, and year.