I Have IBD, My Husband Doesn’t

Hi Kat,

I'm sorry to hear about your husband's reaction to your IBD. I'm not sure what kind of advice to give you to get him to believe and understand that you have a disease. Maybe instead of talking to him about it you could leave him a post-it note with with web site address, or www.ccfa.org - the Crohn's and Colitis web site - where he can see real stories from other people like yourself who also have IBD. Or, you could give him a copy of my book, Living with IBD & IBS, and he would see just how hard it can be to live with a bowel disease from someone other than you.   

It can be hard for other people to understand, really understand what it's like to live with a "pooping disease." I used to tell people that it was like have a stomach flu all the time. This helped a little, but they still don't always get it.

In all honesty your husband needs to realize that it doesn't matter if you had something else, like diabetes or multiple sclerosis, or Parkinson's, or cancer, or rheumatoid arthritis, illness changes lives and not just the life of the person who has the illness. It's the harder part of the "for better or for worse" part of the vows we all took when we got married. You might have to ask him how he would feel if he were diagnosed with heart disease and you told him to just get over it. IBD is a real disease, it is a real physical problem, and it will affect you and your family from time to time.

When I was first diagnosed I was very sick and it took over my whole life for about 2 years. I now have it better under control and it is no longer a part of my every day life, at least outwardly, and thankfully my husband and family are pretty able to accept that this is what I have, it can impose limitations, but it's not the end of the world.

Try not to get angry with him, but also let him know that you didn't choose to have Inflammatory Bowel Disease and you are doing your best to learn how to live with it and get it under control. Then ask him to look at some more information about it so that you can both learn to understand it better together. I also saw a psychologist for about a year after my IBD Dx and my husband even saw her a few times with me and a few times by himself which really helped us both learn how to better live with a chronic illness. If he'd be willing to do this it really might be helpful to both of you.

I hope he'll come around and you can work this out together. 

Best of luck,

Elizabeth