The Top Ten Ways IBD Has Changed Me

  • #10-I used to think that "Culturelle" was a moisturizer for dry, chapped hands and flaky elbows.

     

    # 9-I thought "probiotic" described members of the Republican Party.

     

    # 8-Despite my liberal nature, I have come to terms with the fact that I'm not a bad person just because I'm lactose intolerant.

     

    # 7-I've learned that there actually are some definite advantages to being growth delayed-getting the "IBD rate" at the movies is one of them!

     

    # 6-I can say, "COLONOSCOPY" three times, fast-it's a terrific ice breaker at parties.

     

    # 5-I lay awake at night, mentally compiling lists of famous "colons." (Colin Farrell, Colin Firth, Colin Powell, Bartolo Colon, Semi-colon...)

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    # 4-I can internally compute the fastest direct routes between restrooms in any land in the Magic Kingdom.

     

    # 3-"How many times did you go today?" seems like an entirely reasonable question to ask during dinner.

     

    # 2-"Four; but, they were a lot firmer than they were yesterday," seems like an entirely reasonable answer to give during dinner.

     

    And,

     

    # 1-"Bathroom humor" has an entirely different meaning to me now.

     

Published On: September 09, 2008