13 year old daughter has day urge incontinence

divamom Community Member August 08, 2007
  • hi, i am the mother of a beautiful, smart, active, wonderful 13 year old girl.  ever since she was potty trained, she still had daytime accidents and bedwetting.  she finally stopped bedwetting when she was about 8.  the problem is she still continues to have daytime accidents about 4-6 times per year.  she says she can't feel the urge to go to urinate until her bladder is totally full.   we've tried everything, including going to a pediatric neurologist which was a horrible experience because it was at a teaching hospital and the woman was so mean and accused my daughter of having a "bad diet" which caused her to become constipated which caused her incontinence.  she was also very abrasive and brought in a male resident without even asking us.  they didnt' even use gloves when they examined her!  she is the one and only pediatric urologist in our area.  our pediatrician said we will have to travel if we want to try another one and our daughter isn't interested.

     

    i feel so bad for our daughter.  we used to think it was behavioral because she gets very distracted with what she is doing.  we just assumed she was putting off going to the bathroom.  at this age, i'm not so sure because i doubt any popular pre-teen wants to embarass themselves by wetting their pants. 

     

    she dosen't seem upset by these wetting episodes and thus far it appears her friends just ignore/accept it.  thank goodness it's not frequent like some of the stories i read here.

     

    anyway, can anyone share some insights with me?  thanks

22 Comments
  • Anonymous
    JEFF
    May. 25, 2009

    I THINK IF SHE WETS ONCE THE REST OF THAT WEEK LET HER WEAR GOODNITES ALL DAY TOO. I THINK THAT IS WHAT I WOULD DO FOR MY GIRL , THEN IF SHE WETS AGAIN IT WILL NOT SHOW UP RUNNING DOWN HER LEG.

  • Anonymous
    JEFF
    Mar. 02, 2009

    IT IS GOOD THAT HER FRIENDS DO NOT MIND OR IGOR IT , COZ I THINK IT WOULD BE MORE TRAMANIC TOO HER IF THEY DID NOT OR TEASED HER, DOES SHE CONCEDER WEARING DIAPERS IF YOU NOT SURE WERE THE RESTROOM ARE GOING TO BE ON HER OUTING?

  • Anonymous
    Heather MacInnis
    Jun. 04, 2008

    ....I had the same problem when I was 6yrs old...urgency and inability to make it to a washroom in time....I was diagnosed with vasicoureteral reflux and I had surgery to fix it back in 1975...I've been fine ever since...my sister had the same problem....your family physician can order a voiding cystogram (which is the only reliable test to diagnose reflux)...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    ....I had the same problem when I was 6yrs old...urgency and inability to make it to a washroom in time....I was diagnosed with vasicoureteral reflux and I had surgery to fix it back in 1975...I've been fine ever since...my sister had the same problem....your family physician can order a voiding cystogram (which is the only reliable test to diagnose reflux) If she has this disorder then you can follow up with a urologist...BTW I also had bladder infections that made me vomit accompanied by a high fever....it turned out that it wasn't a bladder infection but a kidney infection (pyleonephritis) which can make you VERY sick....you should really have reflux ruled out b/c it is a very common disorder and it is more common in girls/women....

  • Anonymous
    Randi Court
    Jan. 22, 2008

    Dear Divamom,

    I am so sorry. My daughter has had just a few overnight accidents and she is 11. If that doctor is the only doctor in your town and I would suggest getting in a car and driving to another town. But I think I would interview the doctor before they touched my 13 year old to know they are sensitive enough to understand how scary and embarracing the...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    Dear Divamom,

    I am so sorry. My daughter has had just a few overnight accidents and she is 11. If that doctor is the only doctor in your town and I would suggest getting in a car and driving to another town. But I think I would interview the doctor before they touched my 13 year old to know they are sensitive enough to understand how scary and embarracing the exam is by itself let alone finding a diagnosis and a treatment. I wouldn't give up. Be strong and keep going. For every lousy doctor out there, there is a good one. Tell your daughter that too.

    From cr8acharm

  • Anonymous
    JULIE
    Nov. 20, 2007

    My daughter had the same problem.  On our first visit to the pediatric urologist I was told that she didn't have urinary reflux and she just needed to relax.  "Other children had worse problems."  Then I was told she was constipated...waited too long to go to the bathroom...didn't take her time going to the bathroom...etc.

    We...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    My daughter had the same problem.  On our first visit to the pediatric urologist I was told that she didn't have urinary reflux and she just needed to relax.  "Other children had worse problems."  Then I was told she was constipated...waited too long to go to the bathroom...didn't take her time going to the bathroom...etc.

    We dealt with this for about 8 years.  I was also told that she would grow out of it.  She was on a nightly medication to help with the constant infecttions she was getting.  Well, I waited and waited and she was in 5th grade having accicents at school.  I was finally able to switch to a new urologist at Children's Hospital in Pgh,Pa.  They did a test called a flow EMG, which took all of 30 seconds to complete.  It determined that she was contracting the wrong muscles.  I forget the exact diagnosis...some type of dysfunction.  They then hooked her up to a computer...the nurse called it a "butt EKG."  They hooked up the wires just like and EKG to her abdomen and inside her butt cheeks and literally taught her which muscles to use when she is going to the bathroom.  She also gave her exercises to do that are similar to the Kegels.  It was almost instant relief from the accidents.  We dealt with this problem for over 8 years!  One simple test could have helped her!  I had yelled at my daughter, cried with her, begged her to stop....I was basically told that it was her fault.  I feel like my daughter was cheated and dismissed for something that she truly had no control over.   The woman doing the test was so wonderful with her.  She was 12 years old and here was some woman putting sticky things in private places.  She made a joke out of it and my daughter could have cared less what was going on.  She really put her at ease.  If this is still a problem for anyone out there, please insist with your urologist that the do this test. 

  • Anonymous
    JULIE
    Nov. 20, 2007

    My daughter had the same problem.  On our first visit to the pediatric urologist I was told that she didn't have urinary reflux and she just needed to relax.  "Other children had worse problems."  Then I was told she was constipated...waited too long to go to the bathroom...didn't take her time going to the bathroom...etc.

    We...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    My daughter had the same problem.  On our first visit to the pediatric urologist I was told that she didn't have urinary reflux and she just needed to relax.  "Other children had worse problems."  Then I was told she was constipated...waited too long to go to the bathroom...didn't take her time going to the bathroom...etc.

    We dealt with this for about 8 years.  I was also told that she would grow out of it.  She was on a nightly medication to help with the constant infecttions she was getting.  Well, I waited and waited and she was in 5th grade having accicents at school.  I was finally able to switch to a new urologist at Children's Hospital in Pgh,Pa.  They did a test called a flow EMG, which took all of 30 seconds to complete.  It determined that she was contracting the wrong muscles.  I forget the exact diagnosis...some type of dysfunction.  They then hooked her up to a computer...the nurse called it a "butt EKG."  They hooked up the wires just like and EKG to her abdomen and inside her butt cheeks and literally taught her which muscles to use when she is going to the bathroom.  She also gave her exercises to do that are similar to the Kegels.  It was almost instant relief from the accidents.  We dealt with this problem for over 8 years!  One simple test could have helped her!  I had yelled at my daughter, cried with her, begged her to stop....I was basically told that it was her fault.  I feel like my daughter was cheated and dismissed for something that she truly had no control over.   The woman doing the test was so wonderful with her.  She was 12 years old and here was some woman putting sticky things in private places.  She made a joke out of it and my daughter could have cared less what was going on.  She really put her at ease.  If this is still a problem for anyone out there, please insist with your urologist that the do this test. 

  • Anonymous
    Jayden
    Nov. 02, 2007

    I don't know about the bed wetting, but the constipation i can relate to. I am also 13, and experience unbelievable constipation. I only goto the toilet about 1 - 4 times a month. It's awful, and i'm always so tired. Sometimes, if it gets really bad, i leak poo! It's so embarassing and painful :(

    • lisa
      Apr. 06, 2011

      Maybe you have a blockage that needs to be removed.  My friend's daughter was 12 and leaking poo and they were all worried and the doctor found she was impacted and was able to remove the " packed poo" and she is perfectly fine now. It ended up being no big deal and her daughter has been fine ever since.

      Go to the Dr!

      Good luck!!!!

  • Anonymous
    searching for a...
    Oct. 06, 2007

    Hi divamom,

     

    I am having the same issues with my daughter. She is 8. We have seen two pediatric urologists and will see an endocronologist at the end of this month. My daughter goes through 6-8 pairs of panties a day and is constantly wet. She just had a bladder infection so bad it made her throw up. It was horrible. So far the urologists have said she...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    Hi divamom,

     

    I am having the same issues with my daughter. She is 8. We have seen two pediatric urologists and will see an endocronologist at the end of this month. My daughter goes through 6-8 pairs of panties a day and is constantly wet. She just had a bladder infection so bad it made her throw up. It was horrible. So far the urologists have said she is "normal" but it does not seem that this is very normal...My husband and I are very frustrated and she seems to be at times. Most of the time she just says she does not know why she does this. Any insight would be helpful.

     

    searching for answer

  • soron devay
    Oct. 05, 2007

    im in my 20 now and i stel wet my self in the day time but i whar diper now i have chtrod it men yers no thar is lot of pepel waring diper  becos that have problel dont fell bed abot it thar time i get sad abot me wharing diper but i get over it day buy day

     

     

    tell you r dont be berest a bout it

    • Anonymous
      JEFF
      Mar. 02, 2009

      I AM A MALE IN MY 40'S AND I BEEN WEARING DIAPERS FOR 14 YEARS AFTER OPERATIONS I AM LOOKING FOR FRIENDS , I AM IN ALBUQUERQUE, NM AND FINDING FRIENDS IN NEAR BY STATES jeff4x4jimmy@yahoo.com

    • Anonymous
      JEFF
      Mar. 04, 2009

      SORON , I HOPE YOU WILL WRITE ME I AM IN MY 4O'S , AND I AM LOOKING FOR FRIENDS THAT UNDERSTAND AND ARE NOT ASHAMED TO BE WITH YOU WHILE YOU ARE IN WET JEANS  ,I WEAR DIAPERS 24/7 AND HOPE TO HEAR FROM ANYONE OUT THERE THAT IS OVER 20 YEARS OLD, AND LIKES HAVING A GOOD TIME WITH SOMEONE THAT IS NOT JUDGEMENTAL OR WILL DUMP YOU COZ YOUR DIAPER LEAKED. LETS...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      SORON , I HOPE YOU WILL WRITE ME I AM IN MY 4O'S , AND I AM LOOKING FOR FRIENDS THAT UNDERSTAND AND ARE NOT ASHAMED TO BE WITH YOU WHILE YOU ARE IN WET JEANS  ,I WEAR DIAPERS 24/7 AND HOPE TO HEAR FROM ANYONE OUT THERE THAT IS OVER 20 YEARS OLD, AND LIKES HAVING A GOOD TIME WITH SOMEONE THAT IS NOT JUDGEMENTAL OR WILL DUMP YOU COZ YOUR DIAPER LEAKED. LETS BE FRIENDS , I CAN NOT GO ON THE CHAT LINES COZ I AM ON PARENTS COMPUTERS SO I GOT TO GET MY OWN COMPUTER FIRST , BUT GOT  TO MAKE SURE I CAN AFFORD TO GET THE INTERNET PLUG WITH ALL THE OTHER BILL I HAVE HAHAHA , jeff4x4jimmy@yahoo.com

  • Anonymous
    Gina
    Sep. 27, 2007
    I too have had test doen but am getting ready to take her again, she has creid this week and said she wished she were someone else. my husband is hard on her, i need an ear and advice
    • Anonymous
      jhuma
      Oct. 03, 2007
      Hello. I'm sorry to hear your daughter is so upset. My daughter is almost 12 and has this problem at times. She used to wet her bed too not too infrequently till she was 9. Maybe you shouldn't get so worried ab this problem. I think it's a fairly common problem. Our worries filter thro to our daughters which only worsens matters. Pantyliners help...
      RHMLucky777
      Read More
      Hello. I'm sorry to hear your daughter is so upset. My daughter is almost 12 and has this problem at times. She used to wet her bed too not too infrequently till she was 9. Maybe you shouldn't get so worried ab this problem. I think it's a fairly common problem. Our worries filter thro to our daughters which only worsens matters. Pantyliners help somewhat. Besides that, keep telling her that it's quite common- you could let her see this site with the many responses- and try not to take it too seriously.  My daughter has sometimes had such bad times that she's had to change trousers midway thro the flight. It's irritating, but not too worrying if the doc guives a clean chit.
  • Anonymous
    Annoymous
    Sep. 08, 2007
    i am a 12 year old girl and i sometimes have little leaks and when i go to the toilet i a little urine comes out and i can't tell when my bladder is full either. my leaks are only small and no one can really tell i haven't told my parents or friends, but one of my friends have the same problem but her bladder empties at night instead.
  • Anonymous
    Jasmine Schmidt
    Aug. 17, 2007

    Hi divamom (great name, by the way!):

     

    I am a little concerned that there could be a medical issue with your daughter that needs to be addressed, but I just wanted to write and say what a great job you must have done instilling self-confidence in your daughter so that she's not embaressed by the occassional leakage. So often it only takes one little...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    Hi divamom (great name, by the way!):

     

    I am a little concerned that there could be a medical issue with your daughter that needs to be addressed, but I just wanted to write and say what a great job you must have done instilling self-confidence in your daughter so that she's not embaressed by the occassional leakage. So often it only takes one little negative comment to wash away all the supportive ones, so you may want to discuss with your daughter the possibility that some day someone might say something snarky or mean, and prepare ahead of time for how to deal with that. If she's ready for it, she will hopefully bounceback quickly and remember all the supportive friends and family she has around her.

    • divamom
      Aug. 18, 2007

      thanks jasmine.  i wish i could say i was always understanding about the accident issue.  the family doctor and pediatrician both told me there was nothing medically wrong so i wrongly assumed she was avoiding going to the bathroom so she didn't have to stop whatever she was doing.  by the time she'd stop to go to the bathroom, it is...

      RHMLucky777

      Read More

      thanks jasmine.  i wish i could say i was always understanding about the accident issue.  the family doctor and pediatrician both told me there was nothing medically wrong so i wrongly assumed she was avoiding going to the bathroom so she didn't have to stop whatever she was doing.  by the time she'd stop to go to the bathroom, it is sometimes too late or she barely makes it. 

       

      i agree some tests done by a good pediatric urologist would be helpful but she is still refusing.  i don't want to push her because of what happened before.  she also claims these accidents happen very rarely now and she's not bothered by them. 

       

      anyway, i had no idea so many teens and adults dealt with incontinence issues until i found this site.  i told her about it and she's not interested, yet. 

       

      i'm not sure what else to do. 

    • Anonymous
      Jasmine Schmidt
      Aug. 20, 2007

      Just keep on keepin' on. Continue to be supportive, and keep the doors of communication open so that she can come to you when and if she's ready to take any further steps. 

  • divamom
    Aug. 10, 2007

    thank you for your response.  i have asked my daughter if she would go to another urologist but she still says she's not interested.  she says these infrequent episodes of incontinence don't bother her and nobody has teased her about them.  i mentioned that something could be wrong medically and she could get help but she still said she...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    thank you for your response.  i have asked my daughter if she would go to another urologist but she still says she's not interested.  she says these infrequent episodes of incontinence don't bother her and nobody has teased her about them.  i mentioned that something could be wrong medically and she could get help but she still said she is not ready at this time.

     

    i'm going to let it go for now unless there is an increase in her episodes. 

    • Anonymous
      JEFF
      Mar. 04, 2009

      I UNDERSTAND YOUR DAUGHTER , I HAVE DAYTIME ACCIDENTS MORE OFTEN BUT I WOULD MUCH DEAL WITH DIAPERS THAN , THE FACT THAT ONE OF THE PILL I TOOK FOR INCONT. GAVE ME CHEST PAINS AND I ENDED UP WITH A BIG ER BILL AND I STOP TAKING THE PILLS AND THE PAINS WENT AWAY AND ALL I HAVE TO DO IS DEAL WITH DIAPER RASH .

  • Maria Gifford
    Aug. 10, 2007

    Hello and thank you for your SharePost.

     

    Your daughter's situation is unfortunately, I agree. I feel your concern.

     

    Please see the section of our site that defines and describes the most common types of incontinence:

     

    Types of Incontinence
    http://www.healthcentral.com/incontinence/types.html

     

    From what you've shared about your daughter's...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    Hello and thank you for your SharePost.

     

    Your daughter's situation is unfortunately, I agree. I feel your concern.

     

    Please see the section of our site that defines and describes the most common types of incontinence:

     

    Types of Incontinence
    http://www.healthcentral.com/incontinence/types.html

     

    From what you've shared about your daughter's incontinence pattern, you might want to compare and contrast urge vs. stress vs. functional incontinence. This may help you make better sense of what she's really dealing with and why her infrequent wetting accidents occur.

     

    I'm sorry to hear of your unfortunate experience with the pediatric urologist. Although your daughter isn't interested in traveling for a second opinion, this might be the best "next step" for you to consider for her. 

     

    Please let me know if I can help you find more information. Feel free to visit and share with us again. We look forward to hearing from you.

     

    Best to you,

    Maria

     

    Maria Gifford

    Community Moderator

    IncontinenceNetwork.com

     

    • AUstin bbb
      Jun. 01, 2010

      i am 13 and almost 14 and i dont have accidents but i am constantly wanting to wear diapers and also randomly sometimes something will overcome me and make me want to pee myself its weird and ive tried to stop but cant so i can sorta relate to what your daughters having but not so much