Thanks for the post, Pete. I'm sorry to hear that your "friend" decided to share the information with others. While it is possible that she assumed you wouldn't mind, it should have been pretty clear that the information was personal, and shared only to help her husband.

I agree with your other point that most people just don't want to know about our incontinence issues. This has advantages, in that people aren't generally snooping around to see diapers or other incontinence supplies. But, it also makes it hard to pass on information that they might be helpful for them.  

Sharing your incontinence story is one hundred percent (100%) about how comfortable you are with who, and with what, you are as a human being and with your core beliefs about this life.. I believe we are on this earth and in this life to help and to assist others.. I do NOT advertise my 'condition'.. one I have been dealing with a lifetime.. from childhood to this moment in time.. nor do I hide it.. it is what it is and I am who I am..

At work, in my workplace, some many years ago, I shared, with a 'friend', about my issues with incontinence.. that 'friend' managed to let (I feel) everyone in my office 'know about my challenge'.. NO I WAS NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT.. at the time I would have one hundred percent agreed with your philosophy about being very careful with who, and with what, you say and disclose to others.. and I DO agree with your opinion on it.. it is highly personal and each of us must make our own decisions about it (sharing our stories)..

Allow me to continue.. three some long years later.. a fellow employee in my office fairly 'snuck up to me' and in 'hushed tones' said to me.. looking around to be sure they could not be overheard.. I think I have a problem similiar to yours..

I was thus able to share details about the daily challenges we all face with this issue.. to encourage them to seek medical assistance.. to encourage them to be honest with themselves and those closest to them about 'it'.. this pebble, thrown into the stream of life, eventually assisted them and others through them in later years.. to ease the burden others were carrying.. I say this some twenty years later.. having the actual experience of knowing and seeing how my helping this one person eventually helped others on their path..

It would seem true.. we are as sick as our 'secrets'.. this world would be a little better if more of us could be who and what we are and accept ourselves.. and consequently all others, with who and with what we all are..

For your honesty you may be kicked in the teeth.. be honest ANYWAY..  

JimEd

6/26/10 6:22pm

There are some really valid points being made here.

 

Incontinence is a really difficult thing to deal with, and it is something that you don't exactly feel like broadcasting to the world!

 

However, as a young adult who recently developed urinary incontinence, this has been the biggest shock and trauma of my life, and I've really needed a lot of help and support to cope. Sharing information with certain people is essential to learning how best to cope. The first few times that I had examinations by Doctors and discussing my problems and having them see my plastic pants and pads felt crushingly embarassing and stressful, but they have been able to help me so I have had to share all the details of my incontinence to get that help.

 

Also, joining this forum has already helped me to learn about alternatives to the protection I wear at the moment. Sharing my experience of the severe discomfort of wearing plastic incontinence pants continuously day and night resulted in some helpful advice, which has given me hope that one day soon I might be able to stop wearing them and wear something equally effective but more comfortable. The pads I can deal with, I wear the male shaped pads aka guards and they offer excellent protection, but in 7 months I haven't been able to adjust to the plastic pants which cause severe sweating when worn next to skin as I have to. Knowing that I might be able to be free of the them one day has made a huge difference to how I feel.

 

Thanks to everyone who helps and shares what they feel is appropriate on this forum. I totally respect that everyone will have different views on what to share.

 

 

 

 

Cap

6/28/10 10:39am

Here is an excellent example of what I am talking about.. yesterday.. I went into a men's room 'to change' .. as I approached the handicapped stall a man in a wheel chair was wheeling himself out.. in his lap was a rolled up pad (aka an adult diaper).. I looked down at him.. smiled.. and showed him my fresh pad and said.. "Me too.. have a great day.." .. he nodded and wheeled past me..

 

About an hour later.. my wife and I saw him.. he looked at us.. looked at me.. smiled a great wide smile and gave to me the thumbs up sign.. I have to believe that my sharing with him myself assisted him a lot.. he KNEW he was not alone with 'this thing'.. too feel good.. do good.. thanks for your comment(s)..

jim p

7/14/10 4:34pm

Ed, what else other than pads and diapers have you tried? Sounds as though you have a "moderate problem". If so, I can tell you that for comfort and convenience I use the external catheter with leg bag, and only when playing golf in shorts I use the Afex system from Arcus Medical.