Help from spouses and other care givers

Pete Health Guide
  • I recently responded to a woman (I'll call her JM) who requested more information about my post "Results from Botox." JM was not asking for herself, but rather for her husband who has had surgery similar to mine and now has some incontinence.


    After posting my response it occurred me how lucky he is!


    I am also married, but as far as my wife is concerned, the leaking, wet clothes and pads are MY problem. (She does buy pads, but as there are several females in the house, this is not an issue, just one more box.) She would NEVER consider getting on a public web site like this and ask for help. Indeed, she has been know to embarrass me by exclaiming in front of the kids "What? You p***ed your pants again?!" even though she has a little incontinence herself. She also makes comments about how hard it is to find the pads I need, the expense (I pay for them), the laundry (I try to help by presoaking my clothing) and the odor.

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    The last time I had a procedure (an all day event) she overtly (constantly sighing) expressed her displeasure of having to take and then wait for me. Of course, once we were home, I was on my own.


    I don't expect her to help with my pads or my "diaper area," and I don't mind taking care of my clothing before she does laundry so she doesn't have to deal with the odor.


    It just would be nice to have a little compassion and understanding, even if there is no actual help.


    I have a lot of respect for people willing to help others with this problem. My UI is, for the most part, manageable but still can be overwhelming at times.


    I'm happy that JM's husband has someone concerned enough to make the effort to help him.


    I also want to express my appreciation for the moderators of this website, particularly Maria. They have all been very helpful and supportive, not just of me, but others that post. This is about the only place I have where there are people that care and try to help.


    JM, my hat is off to you! I'm sure your husband appreciates your help. I know I would! ~Pete


Published On: January 31, 2008