Parental Decisions Regarding Bed-Wetting and Diapers

By Colin Sunday, December 14, 2008

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This sharepost is a response to Guest's comments on my sharepost "Bed-Wetting: Should Older Children, Adolescents, and Teenagers Be Required to Wear Diapers?" I realize what I've said is very controversial and goes against the grain of most people's thinking(both professional and non-professional) on this subject. The point of my original sharepost was to get people to see this issue in a whole new light.

I can certainly see “Guest's” point of view however he said several things in his reply that just proved my point .One of them was "Kids do have difficulty "seeing two feet beyond their noses" to understand the consequences of their decisions. “They also tend to have a somewhat distorted view of the priorities" and "Where the parents come in is in the fact that because they are older,can often have a more realistic view of the "big picture."”

The big picture as I (and I believe most people) see it is to be able to manage the bed-wetting in a manner that makes the youngster feel comfortable and helps them maintain hygiene. If a youngster doesn't wear protective garments and lays all night in urine soaked sheets or wears a product that leaks how is this helping them with hygiene or making them feel comfortable?

I think requiring a youngster to wear some type of diaper to bed strikes most people as being punitive due primarily to the fact that diapers conjure up an image of being a baby. Due to the negative image of diapers, people associate requiring an older child,adolescent,or teen to wear them to bed as something degrading and therefore punitive. People are very symbol oriented-flags,national anthems,art,medals,and clothing are just some of the symbols we impart certain meanings and value to. To many individuals a diaper is a symbol too-a symbol of being a baby. But we must remember that the meaning and value we impart to a symbol is not intrinsic-we are the ones to give it meaning and value. There is nothing intrinsically babyish about diapers-they're just an absorbent material folded and placed between the legs then fastened around the waist of an individual to help manage incontinence. It would help a great deal if dictionaries define a diaper in this way instead of being a garment worn by babies. By not acknowledging that incontinent individuals and bed-wetters also need diapers it demonstrates the implicit assumptions people have regarding diapers which in turn perpetuates the image of diapers being babyish. If I was responsible for writing the entry for diaper in the dictionary I would define it this way: “An absorbent garment folded and placed between the legs of an individual then fastened around the waist designed to protect individuals with bed-wetting problems,incontinence,and as a basic garment for infants before they are potty trained.”

In my opinion it's all about the parent's attitude. If the parents are putting the child,adolescent,or teenager in diapers to humiliate or degrade them then it is wrong. If however the parents are using the diapers as a tool to deal with the bed-wetting then this is acceptable in my opinion.

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Comments (8) | Add comment

Maria Gifford, Editor

12/15/08 1:58pm

Colin,

Very helpful information - thanks much.

Best,

Maria

megan

12/26/08 10:49pm

Please consider trying a bedwetting alarm to cure nightly bedwetting. They can be very effective. Often 3 months of consistent use leads to a lifetime of dry nights. My child wet the bed every single night - sometimes more than once a night. He used a bedwetting alarm and in less than two months, he went from wet every night to dry every single night. It does take a bit of patience in the beginning. Usually the child will sleep right through the alarm and the parent must wake the child up. But within 3 weeks my son woke up to the alarm by himself. And in only 8 weeks he became dry every night. the website www.braveryandgrace.com has a bunch of positive information about bedwetting. I really hope every parent struggling with a child's night time bedwetting strongly considers resolving it by using an alarm. It is the best decision i ever made. It really wasn't as difficult as you might think.

wetbeth

1/27/09 11:17am

I would have a caution regarding the alarms. I slept in diapers until I was in my teens having tried and failed with many cures. My mother finally got me an alarm and it did work in regards to learning to get up in the night and going to the bathroom. I think Colin may be onto something, because I really didn't think there was a problem until I got married and my constant waking in the night was a disruption to my husbands sleep. Against his advice a found my old diapers and plastic pants at my mothers house and started weariing them to bed and skipping the bathroom. I was amazed how quickly I reverted and now both of us sleep through the night and feel better. I wasn't even aware of how my sleep was being disrupted until I went back to diapers.

I think the alarms can cause a bad sleep pattern which is much worse than wearing diapers. I'm surprised someone hasn't studied this, it seems they study everything else.

K N K

1/ 3/09 6:53am

I agree with Colin's points and he does make some good ones. Also Megan's note about alarm use raises a couple of good points to. We are in favor of alarm systems and have tried them in the past and have not met with the success that Megan did. That does not mean that we will not go back and try it again after a period of time.

The things we would like to underscore here is that no matter whether you are using an alarm or disposbales or cloth with the plastic pants it is absolutely necessary that the child be 100% included in the whys, hows and wherefores of what's being done and how it will help them.

We have 2 bedwetters and have been using cloth and plastic pants for a while. Last summer and early fall we tried an alarm system with our oldest and found that they were not ready for this yet and so after discussion between us and the child it was agreed to return to night diapers for awhile and try again later. Just getting through the holidays with all of its added business made both of our wetters feel better about the holidays. we have and continue to talk with them about bedwetting and wearing diapers and they are comfortable knowing that this to will pass when their bodies are ready. In the meantime the use of diapers and plastic pants is kept as low key as possible for everyones comfort.

megan

1/27/09 3:44pm

My post is not to say that an alarm is the solution for everyone, but i do find that many many people dealing with bedwetting do not even know about the alarms. I also believe it is important that parents and children agree on whatever choices are made to deal with nightly wetting. I talked with my son about the alarms and told him to let me know if he wanted to try it. About one month later he asked to try using an alarm. And after 2 months he was dry every night. He was very motivated, although i did make him promise if I spent the money on an alarm that he would use it every night for at least 3 months or until he was dry 14 days in a row. A few times he fussed about wearing it, but when i reminded him that he had promised, he relented. It was really only about the 4th week when we saw real progress. But it went very quickly after that to dry all night.

As far as the concern that an alarm brings on a bad sleep pattern, I feel that it was just the opposite for my son. He was a very deep sleeper. But i truly think it was an abnormal sleep. Before we used the alarm I would describe his personality as ornry and easily frustrated. He didnt look people in the eye when he talked to them, mostly looked at the ground. After he used the alarm and began to stay dry all night, i noticed a distinct change in his personality. He became much more self confident. I believe that he had gone for years without normal sleep and that he was actually exhausted much of the time. I think about how ornry i can be when i am sleep deprived. Once his sleep pattern was more normal he became a much happier person.

Of course the frustration of wetting the bed was behind him so the lack of stress may have been a factor as well.

I wish everyone dealing with nightly bedwetting the Grace to handle it in whatever way works best for them.

If you are considering using an alarm get the books Seven Steps to Nightime Dryness and for children Prince Bravery and Grace -Attack of the Wet Knights

I think the books really helped make the process easier.

JEFFERY WOODARD

2/11/09 11:19am

THE PARENTS NEED TO FIND THEM FRIENDS THAT HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM SO WHEN JOHNNY WETS SUEIE WILL NOT MAKE FUN OF HIM COZ SHE DOES THE SAMETHING AT TIMES AND JOHNNY FEELS EXCEPTED AND SO DO SUEIE RIGHT

COZ THE OTHER KID THAT DO NOT HAVE THE PROBLEM ARE JUST MEAN .

JEFF

3/ 9/09 11:37am

PEOPLE BED WET ALL THE TIME , BUT IT IS A TABOO SO ALOT OF PEOPLE WILL NOT AN MIT THEY ARE BED WETTER UNTIL YOU ARE MARRIED TO ONE AND YOU WAKE UP IN A WET BED COZ YOUR PARTNER DID NOT TELL YOU SHE DOES THAT AND DID NOT WEAR A DIAPER TO BED , SO YOU ARE SHOCKED AND SHE IS EMBAROUSED, NOW WHAT , I KNOW NOW , PLEASE WEAR A DIAPER TO BED THANK YOU XXXOOO TELL HER IT WILL BE ALRIGHT SO ON ANYTHING TO CALM HIM/HER DOWN, REMEMBER THE REASON YOU ARE MARRIED IS YOU ARE THEIR BEST FRIEND AND DO NOT LET IT BREAK YOU UP, I DO NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THIS COZ I TOLD MY GIRL FRIEND IN THE PHILIPPINES THAT I DO WET THE BED AND I WILL BE WEARING A DIAPER 24/7.

JEFFERY

3/ 9/10 11:38am

I DO AND I THINK WHEN I WAS YOUNGER MY PARENT SOULD OF PUT ME BACK IN DIAPERS COZ I HAD ACCIDENT EVEN IN HIGHSCHOOL , NOW THAT I LOOK BACK AT IT , I HAVE ALWAY HAD A WEAK BLADDER , BUT AFTER MY OPERATION ON MY STOMACH WHICH WAS A BIRTHDEFT, I AM NOW IN DIAPERS 24/7 ANYWAY. IF NESSASARY WE SOULD MAKE THE TEENS OR YOUNGER THAT HAVE TO WEAR DIAPERS AGAIN MORE REASURING THAT IS ONLY A TOOL .

Parental Decisions Regarding Bed-Wetting and Diapers

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