Lost and Confused..

By Jen Monday, March 10, 2008

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I have been married with my husband for 4 months now. We have known each other for a year and have been a rough time. He's in the military and served our country overseas. He's a good, honest hard working man that I love completely. However, he has dealt with bedwetting all his life. This has been hard on him especially being in the army. For this reason I will not disclose mine or his name. He started to have this problem in his teens, 16 -18 and just recently at the age of 26 his bedwetting has resurfaced. We sleep in different rooms and has caused a lot of hardship on our marriage. He has to wear 3-4 diapers to prevent leakage while he sleeps. I completely understand that this is a medical problem and am willing to go with him to see doctors and so forth to help cope with his problem. I even suggested he come here or other forums for support. My biggest concern is that he finds comfort in pictures online of others in diapers and that has me concerned a great deal... I don't think that is normal. If so, please let me know. I myself suffer from stress incontinence. I did not know that was an issue until surfing the net for my husbands problem. I thought it was normal for some adults to leak if they laugh or caugh, but I am mistaken. I am new so much feedback is greatly appriciated.

Imipramine

Comments (7) | Add comment

Maria Gifford, Editor

3/12/08 2:36pm

Hello Jen,

Welcome to our community. I'm glad you've found us. Here's some information for you and your husband:

Adult Enuresis

http://www.healthcentral.com/incontinence/c/45/20610/adult-enuresis/

Stress Incontinence

http://www.healthcentral.com/incontinence/treatment-000050_2-145.html

Let me know if I can help you find out more. Hang in there and best of luck to both of you.

Sincerely,

Maria

Paul

4/11/08 7:01am

Jen, You have a lot of questions which are hard to answer. Yes he should see a doctor. But his having to have dealt with this before and now again may be very frustrating to him I am sure it is. Can't undrstand why seperate beds at night since he does wear diapers - maybe embarasment - talk to him since you seem to support him and love him. Also he might benifit from seeing a mental health expert to help deal with his feelings. He wants to be "normal" and this obviously shakes that feeling. You said he served over seas - was he in combat? If so PTSD could also be playing into this. You are concerned about his looking on line at others in diapers - if he had lost a leg in combat he might be looking on line at others who also had lost limbs. Maybe it is a "misery enjoys company" thing. But if you can't talk about it - nothing will improve for you or for him. I hope it all works out. Paul

Ari

5/31/08 5:05am

I was talking with a friend recently. He, like me, is a Vietnam-era vet. When he enlisted, he was two numbers away from being drafted. He told the recruiter that he'd had a bedwetting problem all his life, thinking it might get him rejected. It didn't. He was told that they "had ways of handling that", and he wasn't the only one with the problem.

The point is, your husband really needs to discuss this with his doctors. Bedwetting is nothing new in the military. Ignoring it only makes it worse. There is help, but he has to ask for it. He won't be penalized for getting help, but he will be for not getting it. We need all the honest, hard-working people we can get in our military services. Don't let a little bedwetting issue stand in the way.

SPC

7/11/08 11:17am

Wow! I'm in the Army, 26, overseas (not deployed), and my issues have resurfaced. My wife and I have been married less than 2 years, and this is just one more strain on us. Except for the medication bit, I could have suspected my wife wrote this with some fudged details. We spend a lot of time in separate beds but mostly because of the baby.

My issues started with nightmares or stressful dreams, usually involving some kind of impact. We don't always remember our dreams, but I think that paved the way for me to sleep too deeply and sleep through it.

As far as looking at pictures of other people in diapers........ I think this is normal in this situation. I can relate completely. My guess is that he, like me, first wore "diapers" of some type when he originally had the problem as a 16 year old. As for me, I provided them myself, in secret, and found them a huge comfort. This could simplify things and keep me from being found out. Meanwhile, he was a teenager, with raging hormones. As a teenager, especially without a girlfriend or anything, the lines of what is arousing can be blurred. Suppose you are comforted by wearing a diaper. But, of course, what girl would be accepting of that but one who does the same? Does that explain it at all?

I hope the medicine keeps working w/o side effects. Reducing fluid intake in the evening isn't much of an option when you have to do PT in the morning. I hope to hear back from you as far as the medicine and how you both are dealing with everything since my problems have recently greatly increased.

Jen

7/11/08 2:12pm

Wow! I'm starting to realise that this is sorta common for Army men for some reason. You are like the third person in the Army that has commented to me... Thanks... I'm sorry to hear about your problem become more of a problem. I hope it all works out for you. Even though you are not deployed still come home safely. You cleared up alot for me though.... He started about 16-18, and he stopped shortly after and resurfaced this year. We are thankful that his problem had faded completely with the medications. I just hope it stays that way. We both sleep in seperate beds still, just because we sleep better when apart. He snores loudly and kicks in his sleep aswell and tends to keep me awake if we share beds together. But we except this and love each other unconditionally... He is also a Specialist as yourself.

SPC

7/11/08 5:42pm

I see your husband has stressful sleep. The kicking has always been a stressful night's sleep for me, though I haven't kicked much since adulthood. The snoring makes me wonder if he has sleep apnea which could contribute to nocturnal enuresis. With free healthcare, he should try to see what can be done for his snoring, even if it means fibbing and telling the docs that it disturbs his sleep.

I don't want to take medicine if possible but I must now re-research the drug he is taking. I am also trying to avoid the 4 diapers thing with a mix of disposable and reusable, but it's hard to get some of them sent to Europe.

Understand that the diaper picture thing may resurface anyway, especially if there is a drop in the sex life. It just may fill a void. Strange how things work sometimes, but experiences in one's development can linger.

I'm glad I could clear things up for you a bit. Unfortunately, sometimes it's more difficult for a spouse to explain things to their spouse because they are amidst the situation. Hopefully you can sleep in the same bed, but if not take heart. My grandparents have slept in different rooms for 20 or 30 years and they are the sweetest couple in existence.

Thanks again for responding.

Anonymous

5/19/09 11:24pm

I'm 32 and have been incontinent (day and night) for urine since I was 19. When I first became incontinent I searched the internet for support and information. In the process I found websites that catered to those who like to wear diapers for fetishistic reasons. While I've never really understood why they feel the way they do, I found that it was comforting to me to know that at least someone found it a plus. Talking to others about a stigmatizing problem such as bedwetting or incontinence is usually helpful, even if the person you're talking to doesnt have the purest intentions. The same goes for the pictures. For some its reasuring to see that other people wear the same sorts of incontinence garments they do. It helps normalize the situation for them. Unless your husband is obsessed with such images I wouldnt be concerned.

Lost and Confused..

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