I’ve been living with incontinence and diapers for a long time now, but I’ve recently been thinking about how hard the initial adjustment can be. It seems to me that the dilemma of whether and when to wear adult diapers can be thought of as a risk assessment of sorts.

Without adequate protection, we have the ever-present risk of an embarrassing accident. For many incontinent people, this risk could be all but eliminated if we could guarantee easy and available bathroom access within a few minutes. But how realistic is this? It certainly doesn’t apply in many work environments, stores, malls, cars, airplanes, etc. Even at home, there are times in which the access isn’t guaranteed in such a short time frame. Imagine chatting with a neighbor outside, when all of the sudden…

The extent of this risk is different for each person, of course. The time horizon and strength of urges varies by person, as does our lifestyle, work environment, etc. Nevertheless, I think this general concept of  accident risk applies to all of us.

On the other side of the ledger, with protection, what do we balance this against? Of course, there are risks here too. These range from the risk of a leak to the risk that people may discover our incontinence. On its face, though, these risks seem a lot smaller than the risk of a large, embarrassing accident. The risk of someone discovering our protection seems potent at first, but fades as we find that most people simply don’t see what they aren’t looking for.

But other concerns remain, since there are negative aspects of wearing protection. I think the first big issue is an understandable inhibition to the idea of wearing diapers. This is a powerful initial inhibition and embarrassment, which is probably why it can take multiple public accidents before people try protection. Thankfully, this embarrassment of wearing diapers fades as time goes on. You simply get used to the idea, and come to see it as a need that millions of people share. In the rare case that someone does find out, it is a lot less embarrassing than the non-protected potential of flooded pants in public.

The second issue is the actual experience of wearing diapers. An absorbent diaper doesn’t feel like underwear, no matter how long you wear them. At first, the change is shocking and not very comfortable. Over time, though, you get used to it. For some, like myself, after many years it now feels normal to be in a diaper. Since the other concerns fade away, wearing diapers is preferable to the risk of embarrassing accidents.

For others, the dislike of wearing diapers doesn’t fade substantially. If the diapers remain very uncomfortable over the long run, the person may choose to avoid protection and alter their lifestyle enough to minimize accidents. For these folks, the disadvantages of diapers continue to outweigh the risks of not wearing protection – so they avoid them at all costs.  

What is my advice to “newbies”? There is no magic bullet, but give it time. If accidents can’t be easily avoided or eliminated with treatment, you should try protection. The embarrassment of purchasing supplies and worry that people may notice your protection will fade; I promise you that. Afterward, you can judge the balance between the long-term use of diapers with the risk of embarrassing accidents and disadvantages of an altered lifestyle.