Living with Incontinence: In Need of Modesty

 I want to extend my sympathy to you and your family for the loss of your brother,and at the same time congratulate you on the birth of your daughter.

 I do not know if you are religious, but maybe God needed your brother for something special and sent your daughter to help ease your pain.

its so amazing life when my girlfriend died her grand niece was born the spiting image of her makes you wounder god bless jasmine  davidb

Oh wow, Jasmine. What an incredibly heartbreaking and yet heartwarming time for you and your family. Life comes and goes, and sometimes all at once. I'm so very sorry to hear about your brother. I, too, lost my brother (he was 24 and newly married 3 months when fatally injured in an accident while working on one of my father's properties), so I know how a sudden death like this feels to a family. But, could've sweet Juliet arrived at a better time? I agree with Andrei and David -- she's indeed a special sign of LIFE continuing, no matter what. And here too I can relate, as I'm a mother of a young son and can't even begin to put into words what he means.

With sincere thoughts and prayers,

Maria

Dear Jasmin:   
 
Firstly let me say to you that I feel so sorry to hear about the sudden death of your younger brother, and please be so kind as to accepting my condolences to you and your close relatives because Paul's passed away. 
 
During all this time that I have been an active member of this community, me and all of us have felt your kind support to our 'wet issues' with love and comprehension, and I think it is time to get back to you all kindness and loving we have received from you. 
 
Regarding your last posting, you may be right when you affirm that all of us feel different levels of modesty depending of various facts: religious, social, educational, etc, but in fact is that all of us have some degree of modesty and of course it is deeply-ingrained in all of us, but I think modesty is not directly related with the fact I should wear a maxi pad for menstrual discharge or I must use diapers for incontinence or bedwetting. Maybe, a porno actress may have a lowest degree of modesty and also might have to wear cloth diapers and plastic pants for incontinence.

Of course there are many logistical problems with incontinence, such as bringing my cloth diapers and diapers bag with me all the time and everywhere, and other related physical problems such as my skin rash, but all them are not related with modesty but with the feeling that other people can not understand that. To wear diapers is the same that using shampoo, deodorants, tampons, sanitary towels or  something similar. Is anybody astonished when is too warm and your armpit is sweating so much and you need to be changed the T-shirt ?   
 
Very frequently I also ask myself some questions. That it would happen if instead of urinating by the penis in the case of the male or by the vulva in the case of the woman, the human beings would urinate for the eyes or by the skin the same as the perspiration. Would we feel shame of urinating in public?. The real fact is that as the human beings we urinate for the genital apparatus, through of the biological sex, all the related to the sexuality  is considered a taboo. Is maybe somebody astonished when somebody that cries dries off their tears with a handkerchief?, of course not; but maybe the same person is very astonished when an adult male or female have to wear diapers or  simply wants to use diapers. In my opinion the problem is educational and it not depends on the modesty.  
 
Some months ago I published an opened question to the Incontinence Network community requesting for some help and advice because it was too much embarrassing for me to have to use cloth diapers and plastic pants and I didn't want to feel like a baby. After many generous responses that included yours, I had to re-program my brain. Now I feel more secure of myself, of course I am not so proud of wearing cloth diapers and plastic pants, but I learned how to live with them without feeling shame.

As an anecdote let me to tell you that one week ago I flew from Chicago to Los Angeles, and how it is already an habit for me, it was taking my handbag of diapers with me. When seeing the handbag of diapers the stewardess  asked me that where my baby was and if I would need the special seat for babies. Months ago I'd had reacted with shame and stupor to this question but this time I 'simply' told  the stewardess that the diapers are for my personal use and that didn't have any baby after mine. She simply gave me a lukewarm smile and shows me the place of the bathroom in the event I need a diaper 'change'. What really 'changed' was not the fact that the stewardess didn't feel astonishment or that I should change my diapers in the airplane, what had 'changed' was my attitude toward the fact that I should get used to wear diapers and that I should not be embarrassed for that.

Finally, CONGRATULATIONS...!!! for your happy ending. A newborn is a blessing of God. All your family, particularly your parents must be very proud of you and your daughter Juliet. Congratulations to your Husband and  Grandparents for this first time!

Blessings

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