Dating and Intimacy Concerns When You Have Urinary Incontinence

I, too, have had a dear patient with similar concerns.  I think that your response, while it certainly stresses the importance of having an understanding partner, still leaves the patient frustrated and sad.  The prospect of not having sex again has been a source of deep depression and of even wishes of not being here anymore.  What hope can we offer patients besides the hope of understanding partners?  I, too, have pts with ED, fecal incontinence and other similar issues.

For the sake of discussion:

 

--how is the dating and intimacy situation altered when BOTH

  partners are dealing with incontinence?

 

--should we assume this makes it an easier situation for both?

 

--just wondering.

 

John.

 

I have my own theory why incontinence is such a difficult subject to talk about, and it's based on my own experiences with the subject. I wet the bed and was diapered by my mother every night until I was eleven years old when I finally stopped. I was born in 1951 and according to my mother and, it seems every other parent then and since, was potty trained before my second birthday. I remember being told that "big boys (and girls) don't wear diapers and yet every morning I'd wake up in a wet diaper thinking I was the only kid in the whole world who still had to wear them. I would bet money that almost everyone reading this has used the same (big kid) line while trying to convince their reticent toddlers to pee or poop in the pot and not their pants.

And, like me, they woke up wet and alone because their parents never stopped to think about the message that their “toilet training” was sending to their kids. What we were really taught, was shame and guilt over something we had no control over. And because we learned these “lessons” at such an early age, when everything was black or white with no shades of grey, no one ever questions the validity of the lesson unless they are forced to like I was when Diabetes took most of my bladder control and forced me back into diapers again. So my theory is this; If you teach your children how to Master their bladders rather than shame over their lack of control, they will grow up with the ability to talk about incontinence without the associated guilt and shame that most of us feel. Bodily functions shouldn’t be taboo.

 

I wet the bed till I was 19. I am 28 now and in good health. I just wanted to say after reading this thread that there are alot of poeple out there that would love you and care about you even if you are in diapers all the time. I am always here to talk if you would like someone to talk to.

 

Andy