Female accepting diapers...finally

By Acceptance Wednesday, October 08, 2008

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Hello, my name is Nicole. I've lived with fecal and urinary incontinence my entire life due to a weak bladder and sphincter. I've taken many medications to not much avail, and also have had an operation to have an artificial sphincter in place, but because of complications had to have it removed. I'm done with tests, doctors, and surgeries. At 26, I'm ready to fully accept the fact that I will wear diapers for the rest of my life, and will continue to urinate and move my bowels in them. I have always felt very alone in dealing with this, humiliated partially by older siblings, and just people who don't understand what I'm going thru. Even in knowing that there are others that go thru this, as mine is a severe case, it's still something I feel I'm going thru alone. I've joined this network just so that I can talk to other people who at least understand what it's like, and won't make jokes, or stare at my lower region as if something will happen down there for them to see (not that you could over the computer anyway). I wear semi-thick diapers every day. Over the weekend when I'm home, I will wear thinner more discreet ones, but wouldn't be able to wear them outside due to leakage. And I especially wear thick ones if I know I will be out for a whole day. Sometimes I feel like a big baby, just missing the bottle and bib. I always wake up wet, and at least twice a week will wake up with a bowel movement. I certainly have never gone a day in my life without feeling a wet diaper between my legs, not that I can recall, nor can my mother.

I have a cousin who used to babysit me and would torment me, hiding diapers when I needed to change, calling me diaper girl, or stinky girl. She would babysit me while my mother worked nights, and once got in big trouble for inviting some friends from school over and making me show them my wet and soiled diaper, and again got in trouble for making me go to sleep in a wet and soiled diaper. Yes...these things happened to me, and they were horrible, life changing things, but life does however go on. I again say that I've now learned to accept the fact that diapers are a MAJOR part of my life, a part that if I didn't have it, I may not be able to get up off the toilet. Here's to a diapered life.

Anyway, I want to say that I am glad I found this network, and hope that this warrants any discussion about dealing with 24/7 incontinence. Looking foward to the chat.

I want to apologize for any graphic(ness) of this entry which may disturb...I want to use this network as a way to express the thoughts I have, and I feel this is it.

Another Day, Another Diaper

Comments (18) | Add comment

Maria Gifford, Editor

10/ 8/08 11:20pm

Hello Nicole,

Welcome to our community. It's great that you've joined us. You have indeed found the right place to express yourself freely and to know that there are many others here who feel just like you do -- in so many ways. We look forward to getting to know you better, and for you to get to know us, too.

For starters, I want to share these particular posts with you:

Stigma and Incontinence

http://www.healthcentral.com/incontinence/c/45/1653/stigma

Diapers, Bedwetting and Shame

http://www.healthcentral.com/incontinence/c/3328/14327/shame

Trying to Absorb That This is Permanent -- and click "View Comments (6)"

http://www.healthcentral.com/incontinence/c/84827/38400/permanent

Feel free to write often. We look forward to hearing more from you. Again, welcome to our site.

Best,

Maria

Acceptance

10/ 9/08 7:40am

Thank you Maria, I very much appreciate it, and thank you for the links. it's 7:30am and I feel I will be on this site a lot now that I've found it, I'm very glad I have the opportunity to share.

Nicole-

S.Norfleet

11/11/08 4:22pm

Nicole,

My goodness! You are braver than any 1000 people ! And, you owe no apologies for anything --- if people are too uncaring or insensitive to cut you some slack, that says more about them than it does about you. Your babysitter/cousin should be shot! What a bitch! I hope she doesn't have children of her own now! She should not be allowed to procreate!

Hang in there. Perhaps science will find a way to help ! It wasn't that long ago that having a telephone was a luxury -- there are many people alive today who grew up without one! Making more people aware of the existence of your problem will lead to more ideas about ways to deal with it or might lead to a medical cure. The squeaky wheel gets the attention! If it makes you feel better, I know a well-respected judge who had his colon removed and wears the external bag! And no one thinks less of him for it!

Anonymous

11/16/08 4:25pm

Why yeah i felt alone alot. Trying to ever get a love life is like not even a joke. I never met someone else like me out there.. I feel for ya though. If you ever wanna just talk to anyone though.. email me.. computer904@yahoo.com .. but life isnt too bad.. we can only make it day to day.. =)

~Johnny

Slice

12/ 7/08 1:14pm

Hi Nicole. Cyber hugs to you. Here's a thought for you, could it be that you're still upset not so much about wearing the diapers, but for the lack of compassion from your siblings and older cousin? I have a much different story, but suffice it to say that I had alot of problems with my father. When I was very young, my father was great with me. Later, at about 9, I had the first of several operations to correct congenital defects - heart and urinary system mostly. As my mom put it, after I was all "fixed", my dad became a different person with me. He was much less patient, and alot tougher on me. No one in my family understood why. My dad passed away recently from age, and Parkinson's and I was forced to realize how much we can get caught up in our own problems and lose perspective on things. I have never had a problem with incontinence, but I do know what it's like to be different from others. Until I had surgery, I was not able to play much with other kids because I could not do much before turning blue and being out of breath. At the time I had the first surgery (a little over 8 1/2) I was about the size of an average 5 y/o. I lost out on so many of the opportunities for developing social skills which has affected me throughout my life. What 8 y/o wants to hang out with another kid who can't run around and play like the others their age do? I would offer this thought to you: You are certainly not a kid anymore, and the same goes for your peers. I think that perhaps what happened to you as a young child was due to a lack of maturity from your siblings and your cousin. It's really good that you are learning to accept what you need to do in terms of wearing diapers. I think that if you are discreet rather than secretive about it, you will find plenty of peers, and among them friends, who will be compassionate and understanding of your situation, and those that are not will, I'm sure, be mature enough to not hassle you. It may be that some of the people who are looking at you may be reacting to the way you are carrying yourself, or perhaps they do notice something and are curious, that's human nature. If you can find friends among your peers, perhaps you can develop enough trust in them to let them know what's going on and give them a chance to be supportive. (That's what friends are for.) Let the hurt from the past go and move on from here. Hang in there and know that your problem does not define who you are.

Dave B

12/22/08 5:08am

There are many things that I'd like to contribute to this group, and this particular story prompts at least a brief response. My name is Dave, and I've been incontinent for at least 25 years. I'm now 37. Many people in my family have treated me with disgust and cruelity as I have Crohn's Disease, and some of the issues related to it involved fecal incontinence. This has resulted in a colostomy that may become a permanent one in the coming months. Prostate issues have left me with permanent urinary incontinence.

The psychological aspects of dealing with incontinence are far worse than the concept of dealing with 'garmet malfunctions' and personal hygeine. I've worn diapers for over two decades, and am starting to get the idea that this is just the hand that I'm dealt. There are only two choices, live with it and accept that everything that I do is done just a little differently sometimes or live in denial and accept judgement, stigma and embarassment.

A person cannot be embarassed by that which he/she chooses to accept. Those who cannot understand why diapers are a preferred management tool than another surgery are only ignorant of my personal decisions and do not understand that their approval or lack thereof does not convince my bladder to void any better or worse.

For myself, my parents were the worse to antigonize, embarass, and humiliate me. It was a solid 20 years before I had enough self-esteem to seek treatment. For me, surgery was my only option for a lot of technical reasons. To this day, they still see me as unclean, lazy and in many ways "dirty". My wife of ten years would certainly disagree. My surgeon would concur as he comments often about the scars I've caused being obsessive about cleaning the nether regions. Incontinent persons need to understand that each must be comfortable in their own skin to talk about our unique issues in places where constructive information can be exchanged. There are just some folks that are not good choices to discuss my continence issues or lack thereof.

In closing, I may never have a life outside of wearing diapers all day, every day, every night, but I'll always have the life that I choose. Diapers are a tool, an appliance, that is a vehicle that takes us to other places. In the last 10 years, I've written many published articles about how to work with incontinence, how to deal with it, and how to in many ways, embrace it. Its not always easy, but its also not difficult. I wear diapers and have 4 college degrees. I'm not a baby, homosexual, or effeminate. Folks with those sterotypes just lack the depth of character to know me of for who I am, not what I wear.

You are not alone. Your feelings are real, and your challenges are genuine, but above all else, you have survived, and will continue to overcome each day, one day at a time. There are no time-outs in the game of life. Some of us just have a little extra padding.

JEFFERY WOODARD

1/21/09 9:42pm

I FEEL YOU ARE IN THE SAME BOAT AS ME BUT I AM MALE 47 ALMOST 48 , SOMEONE SAW MY DIAPERS ONCE AND SAID SOMETHING I CAN NOT REPEAT HERE , I JUST SAID I AM IN DIAPERS SO WHAT TURN AROUND AND WALK OFF , I FEEL DIAPERS ARE BETTER THAN WET AND SOILED JEANS . JEFF

JEFFERY

3/ 1/09 11:34am

I WORK IN THEM , I REALIZE IT IS MUCH BETTER TO HAVE A DIAPER ON THAN TO RUN AROUND WITH A WET SPOT ON MY PANTS , AND WITH ME , IT WAS NOT A LITTLE WET SPOT I TOTALLY SOAK THEM AND IT WILL BE RUNNING DOWN MY LEGS AND NO WAY TO HIDE IT FOR SURE , I GOT USE TO THEM YOU CAN TOO

Anonymous

5/16/11 7:22pm

i half to deal with it also, i was shot twice in the lower abdomen in 2004 while goning door to door in iraq, doctors gave me meds it helped durning the day but nothing durning the night so i just ware a diaper to bed, iam glad i cold put every thing on the line for my country i just did not thank it wold end up like this. i feel like iam a 3 year old halfing to put on diapers for bed.

susan40p

4/20/09 3:09am

Im 59, going on my 19th month of diaper dependence. I dont like it at all, and feel so sorry for you at such a young age. HOwever, I have learned to cope with being in diapers and do just about everything I used to (without)

Clothes have obviously changed to those that will hide those bulky things. Having a messy diaper is not so bad for me as it is for those around me and my worrying about being detected. I take NOLO pills. They kill the odor really well! By now I know what it is like to have a mess in there, but take lots of precautions to make sure I dont have one. MOrning enemas help a lot. Usually I can go the day with only a wet one. There is some seepage in the rear, but no bulky mess.

If I want to wear a very descrete or thin diaper, I dont drink anything, and take a good enama beforehand.

Some days I will just wear a molicare (very thick and holds a lot) and not worry about anything. Id say my biggest problem is trying to stay undetected.

Susan J

Ebola1918

4/24/09 12:29pm

Nicole, you are a beautiful person!

Anonymous

10/27/09 12:34am

Hello, I'm a diaper lover, don't feel bad about that, you are not alone. I really enjoy to wear diapers, add me if you want, my msn is nhw03@hotmail.com

DryDiapersPlus

2/ 2/10 6:38pm

Nicole,

My heart broke when I read your post. The internet has given a lot of people a voice, who previously suffered alone. I have no doubt you feel alone - especially from the short amount of background you gave us. It's very hard to read what you typed - and not be angry at the kids who tormented you. I pray that you no longer face those issues - but unfortunately some mean kids grow up to be mean adults. Some mean kids learn lessons when they're kids and become more accepting or empathetic. I hope that you surround yourself with those who treat you with respect.

Anonymous

3/ 4/10 2:46pm

Being in diapers myself I have learned that people who feel a need to discredit my value can jump off the nearest bridge. Only a very few times have I been confronted about being in diapers and those times were from what I would consider hypocritical dummies. Number one, diapers are a necessary thing for me so people who get into my face about it will learn the truth from a point blank range. Secondly, diapers are not illegal for anybody. Third point, The only people who need to have a real concern about my diapers are the ones I hold close to my spirit, the medical professionals I need to visit, and any person where it may become an issue that might lead to litigation should my life be disrupted by ignorance. I am happy with myself and the way I am and that is all that really matters.

Linda

2/26/11 12:43pm

Acceptance is something thats difficult. Thank You for the courage to talk about this. I'm a disabled mother currently living in a longterm care facility. I to am doubly incontinent and 100% dependent on diapers. I'm also dependent on fulltime nursing care. Most of the people here are older than Me. Being here helps because incontinence is not as uncomon. I share a room with a older lady who has issues with dribble incontinence. She needs to use pads. She can walk and needs only a little help with dressing etc. Its the little things that get to you though. Laying in My bed and thinking about My clothes and what to wear for a expected visit from family members. I realised I had not even owned a pair of underwear or panties of any kind in years. But there was a shelf full of diapers , boosters, bed pads etc. Or once when My niece was visiting with her children. She had to change her infant daughters messy diaper and thinking about how I would be next.

Andrei

2/27/11 4:29pm

I can relate to how you felt when your niece was changing her infants diaper.

At family functions I encounter the same circumstance. I see babys having a diaper change and I feel that everyone is seing me changing my wet diaper. It makes me feel very odd.

Donna

5/23/11 3:38pm

I became incontinent about a month ago, but it only happens after I have slept at night for only one hour. Then I feel the urge to urinate and get out of bed and as soon as my feet hit the floor, I have absolutely no control over my bladder. It just all emptys out. I do wear the most absortant diapers I have found (Bepends, max. absorbancy.) I change the diaper and lay down again. One hour later, the same thing happens; hour after hour. It is very depressing. I can't get a full night sleep. Then when I get up in the morning, my bladder seems perfectly normal. I can last as long as 4 hours before I have to go. It is hard to understand. I was recently told by my urologist's office that I have a dropped bladder (probably due to a hysterectomy at age 34.) I am 70 years old now. I was told that there is a simple surgery that can be done through the vagina that can correct this problem and I am definitely going to look into it. I have tried a prescription that has somehow helped this problem, but I was recently told not to take it anymore because I also have the problem of not completely emptying my bladder. That can lead to an infection; of which I have had many in the last couple of years.

I would very much welcome any replay to this message.

Donna

Andrei

5/23/11 10:29pm

Hi Donna

Like you,I have not slept a full 7 or 8 hours in quite a while.

I am now 60 and this has begun to affect my work. I am on medication that helps me empty my bladder,but it does not help during the night.Sometimes I will not wake and then when I do wake it is due to a wet Depends.

I can sit for many hours while driving ,but the minute I get into my driveway,I have a sudden urge that I can not control,thus I wear a diaper when I leave home for any legth of time.

Female accepting diapers...finally

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