Female accepting diapers...finally

Hello, my name is Nicole. I've lived with fecal and urinary incontinence my entire life due to a weak bladder and sphincter. I've taken many medications to not much avail, and also have had an operation to have an artificial sphincter in place, but because of complications had to have it removed. I'm done with tests, doctors, and surgeries. At 26, I'm ready to fully accept the fact that I will wear diapers for the rest of my life, and will continue to urinate and move my bowels in them.  I have always felt very alone in dealing with this, humiliated partially by older siblings, and just people who don't understand what I'm going thru. Even in knowing that there are others that go thru this, as mine is a severe case, it's still something I feel I'm going thru alone. I've joined this network just so that I can talk to other people who at least understand what it's like, and won't make jokes, or stare at my lower region as if something will happen down there for them to see (not that you could over the computer anyway). I wear semi-thick diapers every day. Over the weekend when I'm home, I will wear thinner more discreet ones, but wouldn't be able to wear them outside due to leakage. And I especially wear thick ones if I know I will be out for a whole day. Sometimes I feel like a big baby, just missing the bottle and bib. I always wake up wet, and at least twice a week will wake up with a bowel movement. I certainly have never gone a day in my life without feeling a wet diaper between my legs, not that I can recall, nor can my mother. 

I have a cousin who used to babysit me and would torment me, hiding diapers when I needed to change, calling me diaper girl, or stinky girl. She would babysit me while my mother worked nights, and once got in big trouble for inviting some friends from school over and making me show them my wet and soiled diaper, and again got in trouble for making me go to sleep in a wet and soiled diaper. Yes...these things happened to me, and they were horrible, life changing things, but life does however go on. I again say that I've now learned to accept the fact that diapers are a MAJOR part of my life, a part that if I didn't have it, I may not be able to get up off the toilet. Here's to a diapered life.

Anyway, I want to say that I am glad I found this network, and hope that this warrants any discussion about dealing with 24/7 incontinence. Looking foward to the chat.

I want to apologize for any graphic(ness) of this entry which may disturb...I want to use this network as a way to express the thoughts I have, and I feel this is it.