Female accepting diapers...finally

Hello Nicole,

Welcome to our community. It's great that you've joined us. You have indeed found the right place to express yourself freely and to know that there are many others here who feel just like you do -- in so many ways. We look forward to getting to know you better, and for you to get to know us, too.

For starters, I want to share these particular posts with you:

Stigma and Incontinence 

http://www.healthcentral.com/incontinence/c/45/1653/stigma

Diapers, Bedwetting and Shame

http://www.healthcentral.com/incontinence/c/3328/14327/shame

Trying to Absorb That This is Permanent -- and click "View Comments (6)"

http://www.healthcentral.com/incontinence/c/84827/38400/permanent

Feel free to write often. We look forward to hearing more from you. Again, welcome to our site.

Best,

Maria

Nicole,

My goodness! You are braver than any 1000 people !  And, you owe no apologies for anything --- if people are too uncaring or insensitive to cut you some slack, that says more about them than it does about you.  Your babysitter/cousin should be shot! What a bitch! I hope she doesn't have children of her own now! She should not be allowed to procreate! 

Hang in there.  Perhaps science will find a way to help !  It wasn't that long ago that having a telephone was a luxury -- there are many people alive today who grew up without one!   Making more people aware of the existence of your problem will lead to more ideas about ways to deal with it or might lead to a medical cure.  The squeaky wheel gets the attention!   If it makes you feel better, I know a well-respected judge who had his colon removed and wears the external bag!  And no one thinks less of him for it!

Why yeah i felt alone alot. Trying to ever get a love life is like not even a joke. I never met someone else like me out there.. I feel for ya though. If you ever wanna just talk to anyone though.. email me.. computer904@yahoo.com  .. but life isnt too bad.. we can only make it day to day.. =)

~Johnny

Hi Nicole. Cyber hugs to you. Here's a thought for you, could it be that you're still upset not so much about wearing the diapers, but for the lack of compassion from your siblings and older cousin? I have a much different story, but suffice it to say that I had alot of problems with my father. When I was very young, my father was great with me. Later, at about 9, I had the first of several operations to correct congenital defects - heart and urinary system mostly. As my mom put it, after I was all "fixed", my dad became a different person with me. He was much less patient, and alot tougher on me. No one in my family understood why. My dad passed away recently from age, and Parkinson's and I was forced to realize how much we can get caught up in our own problems and lose perspective on things. I have never had a problem with incontinence, but I do know what it's like to be different from others. Until I had surgery, I was not able to play much with other kids because I could not do much before turning blue and being out of breath. At the time I had the first surgery (a little over 8 1/2) I was about the size of an average 5 y/o. I lost out on so many of the opportunities for developing social skills which has affected me throughout my life. What 8 y/o wants to hang out with another kid who can't run around and play like the others their age do? I would offer this thought to you: You are certainly not a kid anymore, and the same goes for your peers. I think that perhaps what happened to you as a young child was due to a lack of maturity from your siblings and your cousin. It's really good that you are learning to accept what you need to do in terms of wearing diapers. I think that if you are discreet rather than secretive about it, you will find plenty of peers, and among them friends, who will be compassionate and understanding of your situation, and those that are not will, I'm sure, be mature enough to not hassle you. It may be that some of the people who are looking at you may be reacting to the way you are carrying yourself, or perhaps they do notice something and are curious, that's human nature. If you can find friends among your peers, perhaps you can develop enough trust in them to let them know what's going on and give them a chance to be supportive. (That's what friends are for.) Let the hurt from the past go and move on from here. Hang in there and know that your problem does not define who you are.

There are many things that I'd like to contribute to this group, and this particular story prompts at least a brief response.  My name is Dave, and I've been incontinent for at least 25 years. I'm now 37.   Many people in my family have treated me with disgust and cruelity as I have Crohn's Disease, and some of the issues related to it involved fecal incontinence.  This has resulted in a colostomy that may become a permanent one in the coming months.  Prostate issues have left me with permanent urinary incontinence.

The psychological aspects of dealing with incontinence are far worse than the concept of dealing with 'garmet malfunctions' and personal hygeine.  I've worn diapers for over two decades, and am starting to get the idea that this is just the hand that I'm dealt.  There are only two choices, live with it and accept that everything that I do is done just a little differently sometimes or live in denial and accept judgement, stigma and embarassment. 

A person cannot be embarassed by that which he/she chooses to accept.  Those who cannot understand why diapers are a preferred management tool than another surgery are only ignorant of my personal decisions and do not understand that their approval or lack thereof does not convince my bladder to void any better or worse. 

For myself, my parents were the worse to antigonize, embarass, and humiliate me.  It was a solid 20 years before I had enough self-esteem to seek treatment.  For me, surgery was my only option for a lot of technical reasons.  To this day, they still see me as unclean, lazy and in many ways "dirty".  My wife of ten years would certainly disagree. My surgeon would concur as he comments often about the scars I've caused being obsessive about cleaning the nether regions.  Incontinent persons need to understand that each must be comfortable in their own skin to talk about our unique issues in places where constructive information can be exchanged.  There are just some folks that are not good choices to discuss my continence issues or lack thereof.

In closing, I may never have a life outside of wearing diapers all day, every day, every night, but I'll always have the life that I choose.  Diapers are a tool, an appliance, that is a vehicle that takes us to other places.  In the last 10 years, I've written many published articles about how to work with incontinence, how to deal with it, and how to in many ways, embrace it.  Its not always easy, but its also not difficult.  I wear diapers and have 4 college degrees.  I'm not a baby, homosexual, or effeminate.  Folks with those sterotypes just lack the depth of character to know me of for who I am, not what I wear.

You are not alone.  Your feelings are real, and your challenges are genuine, but above all else, you have survived, and will continue to overcome each day, one day at a time.  There are no time-outs in the game of life.  Some of us just have a little extra padding.

I FEEL YOU ARE IN THE SAME BOAT AS ME BUT I AM MALE 47 ALMOST 48 , SOMEONE SAW MY DIAPERS ONCE AND SAID SOMETHING I CAN NOT REPEAT HERE , I JUST SAID I AM IN DIAPERS SO WHAT TURN AROUND AND WALK OFF , I FEEL DIAPERS ARE BETTER THAN WET AND SOILED JEANS  . JEFF

I WORK IN THEM , I REALIZE IT IS MUCH BETTER TO HAVE A DIAPER ON THAN TO RUN AROUND WITH A WET SPOT ON MY PANTS , AND WITH ME , IT WAS NOT A LITTLE WET SPOT I TOTALLY SOAK THEM AND IT WILL BE RUNNING DOWN MY LEGS AND NO WAY TO HIDE IT FOR SURE , I GOT USE TO THEM YOU CAN TOO

Im 59, going on my 19th month of diaper dependence.  I dont like it at all, and feel so sorry for you at such a young age.  HOwever, I have learned to cope with being in diapers and do just about everything I used to (without) 

Clothes have obviously changed to those that will hide those bulky things.  Having a messy diaper is not so bad for me as it is for those around me and my worrying about being detected.  I take NOLO pills.  They kill the odor really well!  By now I know what it is like to have  a mess in there, but take lots of precautions to make sure I dont have one.  MOrning enemas help a lot.  Usually I can go the day with only a wet one.  There is some seepage in the rear, but no bulky mess.

If I want to wear a very descrete or thin diaper, I dont drink anything, and take a good enama beforehand. 

Some days I will just wear a molicare (very thick and holds a lot) and not worry about anything. Id say my biggest problem is trying to stay undetected.

Susan J

Hello, I'm a diaper lover, don't feel bad about that, you are not alone. I really enjoy to wear diapers, add me if you want, my msn is nhw03@hotmail.com