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Have you tried FLEXERIL in the highest dosage allowed?  I, too, had back surgery in the early 80's, when I was in my 40s, and I also would lose control at times.  FLEXERIL helped greatly.  Try that with TALWIN NX for the pain and see if maybe you will get some pain relief and incontinence relief.  I still have lots of back pain, but have learned to deal with it and have gone from a wheel chair to having a child care in my home and am able to watch 5 (FIVE) babies, 5 AND UNDER.  Count every day as a blessing - the doctors say that I am somewhat addicted to some of the medicines but they also say that I control it so very well that they do not have a problem with it.  DON'T GIVE UP!  GET UP AND MOVE AT EVERY OPPORTUNITY!  Keep your weight down and DECIDE that you are not going to live the rest of your life in the shape that you are now in.  I will be praying for you.  YOU CAN DO IT!!!