Various incontinence issues for my disabled wife

Hi I'm a 40 year old man caring for my wife who has over the last 10 years progressively become profoundly disabled. At this point now she has become 100% incontinent and needs diapers. We are working hard to keep her on a bowel program so at least she doesn't have that indignity. But often because of her various meds and health issues it just doesnt work. We have a home care nurse for days , Her mother & sister also help. Our oldest daughter is begining to help a little. I'm still raising our three daughters. Working full time. As well as taking care of her. She needs help with dressing, bathing, eating, medication, Dr visits, She is in a wheelchair and a hospital style bed at home. We are slowly converting out bathroom and bedroom to acomodate her constant care needs. Our dr & nurse have offered a few options but nothing yet. A colostomy perhaps in the distant future, Continue to try to maintain a bowel program. But at some point all agree that that will be pointless and since she will always need diapers anyway for her loss of bladder control , That we should just accept her bowel loss as well? She is still able to comunicate and is depressed and unsure herself what she wants. Its not a pleasant subject either way. Two days ago after a good week on the bowel program she had a terrible messy accident on herself and her wheelchair. It was embarassing for her to be infront of our children and a neighbors kid as well. She cried and became depressed. She is slowly giving up. I have since kept her in overnight diapers so the possiblity of another accident like that is remote. I hate to see her like this. she feels all she does is eat sleep watch tv take her medication and wet and mess herself. We can't even leave the house. Anybody else face simeler issues? Not just the bowel incontinence but everything?