Hi I'm a 40 year old man caring for my wife who has over the last 10 years progressively become profoundly disabled. At this point now she has become 100% incontinent and needs diapers. We are working hard to keep her on a bowel program so at least she doesn't have that indignity. But often because of her various meds and health issues it just doesnt work. We have a home care nurse for days , Her mother & sister also help. Our oldest daughter is begining to help a little. I'm still raising our three daughters. Working full time. As well as taking care of her. She needs help with dressing, bathing, eating, medication, Dr visits, She is in a wheelchair and a hospital style bed at home. We are slowly converting out bathroom and bedroom to acomodate her constant care needs. Our dr & nurse have offered a few options but nothing yet. A colostomy perhaps in the distant future, Continue to try to maintain a bowel program. But at some point all agree that that will be pointless and since she will always need diapers anyway for her loss of bladder control , That we should just accept her bowel loss as well? She is still able to comunicate and is depressed and unsure herself what she wants. Its not a pleasant subject either way. Two days ago after a good week on the bowel program she had a terrible messy accident on herself and her wheelchair. It was embarassing for her to be infront of our children and a neighbors kid as well. She cried and became depressed. She is slowly giving up. I have since kept her in overnight diapers so the possiblity of another accident like that is remote. I hate to see her like this. she feels all she does is eat sleep watch tv take her medication and wet and mess herself. We can't even leave the house. Anybody else face simeler issues? Not just the bowel incontinence but everything?
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Q: Various incontinence issues for my disabled wife
Hi
I'm sorry to here of your issues. I also have a disabled wife that is 40 two grade school age kids. I kinda know where your at. My wife has issues with bladder incontinence (just a leakier) . She is also blind well over weight. has only 60% lung capacity. And spends most of her time in a Lazyboy or bed. I'm also bladder incontinent myself I leak flood on a daily basis. I've had issues with incontinence since my early 20's I'm now 41. My advice for your wife would be to wear night time protection 24/7 The best out there in my opinion is the Abri Form super X Plus. Also the Molicare Super or Super plus. I often wear these at night myself. During the day I wear mostly Attends with the waistband, Tena's, Tranquility ATN's. I almost aways add a booster to these. My favorite Booster is the Full contoured Tranquility Booster. What I like best about these are the hold a fair amount but you also feel fairly dry even when your fairly well soaked. Another thing I swear by is J&J Corn Starch medicated Baby Powder at every change. For me it really helps with preventing rashes. Another thing is what kind of diet is your wife on. If you can keep her more on a Fruit and Veggie Diet and keep her away from Meat, Junk Food, Coffee, Soda etc. You my find her Changes to not be near as nasty. Also if you can increase her Water intake will help dilute her urine so it's not so acidic/smelly. I know myself/wife if we lack on our water/fluid intake our urine will smell strong. Granted the more you drink the more you wet. But it will also help guard against uti's and Rashes. Also have you tried Plastic pants they can be a big help when it comes to leaks. Also they can help control the smell. I'd recommend the snap on ones. You can get them in many different colors. You can even get Rumba pants. Hey just because your in diapers doesn't mean you can't have a little fun with it. You may want to try the Incontinence Support Group Web Site. They are very helpful on there
Hi Jimmy
I'm going to throw this out there. As I recall I was on another board awhile back and there was a young gal on there. that was paralized from the waist down which of course ment she had no control over one or two. I remember her saying she would often use a butt plug as she called it? During the day her or her nurse/caregiver would put this in for her. Then every so often they would put her on a tollet and pull the plug so to speak. Might be something to look into?
Hey Jimmy, Sounds like Your Wife has been through it. Me as well. The last 14 years have been nothing but haspitals and longterm care facilitys for me. I have been though. a medication related stroke, High blood pressure. As well as MS and a seizure disorder. I was since left completly incontinent and helpless. I need 24 hr nursing care. My children help. As well as my husband. But at 44 years old I had to be moved into a nursing home where I have been for the last 5 years. At least I can use my left hand & fingers. And still talk. I can use a computer and the internet is my way out of my bed & room. I need diapers 24/7 and a few times a month my husband and family take me on day trips out. My nurse or husband empty my bowel manually before leaving for the day so we wont have to deal with that. Normally in my room I'm in bed or a wheelchair and I deal with several messy events in my diaper everyday. The lady I share a room with is a elderly woman who has trouble with incontinence at night so she is sympathetic.
Hi Linda. We are hoping not to have to put her into a nursing home. At some point it may come to that but hopefully not soon. She can't really use her hands or fingers at all. Her therapist is working on that. We moniter her meds and blood pressure. Heart rate etc. Trying to avoid any strokes. At this point I don't think her body could take it. Have you ever maintained a bowel program? Or had the option of surgery to drain your bladder or bowel ? We have been told that may be a option at some point. We don't get out often. But just getting out of the house to her is something these days. Besides the indignitys of not being able to care for herself , incontinence etc. She feels isolated yet really does not feel like having people see her in this condition. I hate to even think about the whole nursing home thing. I have heard too many horror stories. And she (like You) Just seems way to young for this. Hope things get better for you.
Well bless you for keeping her in your home. I was at home for a very long time and my family and husband did their best. Its exhausting constantly caring for somebody who is profoundly disabled. I understand the feelings of isolation well. Here I recieve constant care. I have grown to love many of the other residents of our facility. You would be supprised how many younger people are here. But yes most are very old. I spend much of my time in bed. But at least once a day my nurses get me into my wheelchair and we spend time in the lounge area with other residents. Everybody here knows me and knows my situation. As you can imagine I'm not the only person here with incontinence issues. So its really not a big deal. Yes at some point surgery to reroute my bladder & bowel would or could be a option. But I have had several other surgerys in the last 14 years. Each time it profoundly effected my MS and body leaving me even more disabled. So I could have the surgerys but end up loosing my ablity to speak or use my left hands fingers. Or just remain in diapers for now. I have a feeling your wife is facing the same. Incontinence is managable and although not exactly a easy thing to deal with its not that big a deal. My bladder drains at all times basically dribble and ocasionally I wet more. My bowel is mostly active after breakfast and before noon. My nurse normally keeps me in a basic full incontinece brief(diaper) Through out the day. And then overnight briefs with a booster pad during the nights and morning. I am kept on a disposable underpad incase of wet or messy leaks.
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Thanks, We do use the rash creams and powders. Still she is has had some rashy times. Currently using the tranquility briefs, and the ATN, She has been back off the bowel program last couple weeks and until we can get some other health issues under control. We are just dealing with the messy diapers. The boosters help when she has a bm if its not too bad I can just change her booster and her diaper can still be used a little longer. She has been ok in the afternoons mostly. Mornings are bad for her though. Dispite all of this she has been feeling a little better about things.