I had untreated BPH which went on for too long as the military doctors in the Middle East said I was imagining things and if I brought it up again they would send me to mental health. On my exit physical in the states, they sent me to a urologist right away and he operated within days.
But the damage was done. It was hard to accept at first, but now I am a 24/7 diaper wearer. The brands sold in the stores (even that big name brand) don't do to well, so during the day I use Abena Briefs and at night I use Abena-X with a vinyl diaper pant.
If you are discreet, no one knows except your doctor and in your household. I wear pants a size up in the waist so they are only slightly loose fitting. This brand is quiet.
There are a lot of posts on the site www.depend.com/boards that may prove useful.
Remember that a diaper is just an assistive device like any other such as a cane, wheelchair or pair of glasses. Just as the others don't define you, neither should a diaper