When you ask a group of women about menopause, you may be surprised by how individualized the responses are. While letting some friends know about my new efforts writing this sharepost for HealthCentral, I was amazed at how willingly they shared their journey through menopause – and how varied their experiences have been. It also became quickly evident how much we all need to learn about this common experience.

This lack of knowledge shouldn't be surprising. “Throughout most of human history, the vast majority of women died before menopause. The average life expectancy for a woman in 1900 was only forty,” wrote Dr. Christiane Northrup in “The Wisdom of Menopause”. She notes that women today can expect to live until their mid-80s, which means – unlike previous generations – that they will live another 30-40 years after the onset of menopause. “The menopause you will experience is not your mother’s (or grandmother’s) menopause,” she said.

So let’s start with when menopause happens and when we start realizing that our body is changing. According to the HealthCentral site, “A woman is said to be in menopause after she has gone for one full year without periods. While most women in the United States go through menopause around the age of 51, a small number will experience menopause as early as age 40 or as late as their late 50s. Rarely, menopause occurs after age 60. When menopause is diagnosed before age 40, it is considered to be abnormal or premature menopause. Perimenopause, also known as the climacteric, includes the time before menopause when hormonal and biological changes and physical symptoms begin to occur. This period lasts for an average of three to five years.

In my informal interviews, I learned that for some women, menopause is caused by medical issues. “I had an emergency hysterectomy (while on vacation) at 30! Yes, that was a lovely way to spend time in Hawaii!” Kelly remembered.

In some cases, women realize that menopause is happening and are able to be proactive in dealing with the physical changes. “A woman knows her body by the time she is 40ish. I knew the moment or month I entered menopause. I told my doctor (a male) and he laughed. He said I was too young (at 45). I went to my ob/gyn (a female who happens to be MY AGE) and she said, ‘Let's address it!’ I never had another period,” said Jan, who is in her 50s.

However, life situations may prove to be a distraction from realizing that one’s body is changing. In my case, I believe I entered perimenopause while caring for my mother (who had Alzheimer’s disease and Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease) from 2005-2007, working, and pursuing a graduate degree. With so many challenging situations coming at me on almost a daily basis, I was totally focused on these external events instead of analyzing the changes I physically was beginning to undergo.