Some experts say that men go through menopause at about the same age as women, and some scientists say that's impossible. I think some men do and some men don't, but anecdotal evidence tells me that they definitely go through SOMETHING.
It used to be called mid-life crisis, and it all too often accompanied looking for the fountain of youth by having an affair with a younger woman or overspending on a sports car, or both. All this while a woman is going through hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings, headaches, weight gain, maybe a racing heart, thinning hair, skin blotches, then throw in wrinkles and bad eyesight.
Luckily, most of the men I know have been satisfied with fast cars or, in some extreme cases, with a fancy motorcycle. And their women have just looked the other way and silently thanked God that it's just a vehicle.
But I say men have their own hormonal challenges. Just as we start to lose our libido, men need to know theirs is still healthy. Just when we need for them to focus on us and understand us, they turn inward and focus on their own problems. And I don't doubt that they have them, but they sure as heck don't have the horrible symptoms we have.
It's enough to cause two people to drift apart, to accuse each other of not caring or understanding the other's problems. I know some nights I sit at my computer while my husband sits at his and we barely talk. I go to bed early because I'm ALWAYS tired and get up earlier and go to work before we have a chance to have coffee. And we go through this day after day. Maybe you too.
There is a cure and I know what it is, but it is so hard for me to do. All I have to do is open up to him. When I'm going through an emotional time, feeling rotten, slighted at work, or just feel angry and don't know why, my tendency is to keep it in. He'll notice I'm agitated and ask, "what's wrong?" but I'll say, "Nothing", and the space between us grows.
Happen to you, too? Let's make a pack--let's open up. We've been taking care of ourselves, our kids, the boss, and yes, even our husbands for so long we don't know how to ask for help, or even say we need to talk. Let's share exactly what we're going through-the symptoms, the fears, the dreams, the nightmares. And maybe they'll share theirs too. I really can't see any downside to this. Except maybe you won't get to ride in that fancy new sportscar that he won't be needing.
Published On: October 16, 2008