i am nearing 40 and i have started having what i have read to be as hot flashes and vaginal dryness.

Yes, Geeta, it does sound like you are in perimenopause.  This could last for a number of years and doesn't necessarily mean you're near your last period.  I would encourage you to start looking for a provider in your area who specializes in hormones and menopause and who uses bioidentical hormones.  Look in the yellow pages for a compounding pharmacist...they usually know which providers to direct you to.  Also check www.bhrtdoctors.com for a listing in your area.  In the meantime, routine exercise helps to diminish number and intensity of hot flashes...as well as layering clothes so you can lighten up quickly; avoiding trigger--caffeine, sugar, spicy foods, stress; taking black cohosh 40-80mg a day.  Over the counter progesterone cream may help with vaginal dryness, as may Vitamin E (400-800IU daily) and Omega 3 Fish Oils daily.  Sex drive may begin to decline now because of the lack of progesterone (a precursor to your body making testosterone) and because you're not sleeping as well and your vagina is dry and maybe uncomfortable.  Hang in there.  There are lots of things you can do to ease this passage.  Finding a helpful provider is first on the list.