Half a Life

Half a Life

 

My brain is broken
My life cut in two.
 
One day I am delightful.
I am helpful and beautiful.
I build and create and I love.
My life has meaning.

Soon a familiar, gray shadow will come riding in.
I will strain to keep myself whole.
With the sound of a distant rushing river,
A switch will turn inside my head.
My brain will begin to float.
My knees will buckle and my insides collapse.
I will become like a grain of sand.
Not moving.
Not talking.
Not caring.

I am a tiny grain of sand and all the pressure in the universe is squeezing me,
pressing on me.
I am nothing.
Lost and wasted, I will wait.
I know the shadow will lift.
I promise the part of myself that is lost that, when it leaves,
I will do more, be more, create more, love more.

I will condense my life.
I will saturate it with color, with light.
I will see, feel, touch and listen with all my heart.

I know the shadow is waiting and I will fill myself up
I will scatter seeds, and
I will make my half-life worth a whole

 

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