This is Me now...

Slowly losing myself with each passing day

Although I try so desperately to hang on

My emotions run at the surface; uncontrollably

Whereas I could once bury them at a safe level and call

Upon them if I needed to

I don't recognize myself anymore,

Who is this new person that I look at in the mirror?

This person with the sad eyes and frown

That no longer has fun, or anything to be happy about

Sleep is the Peace that I long for that allows me this quiet solitude

To shut the world away and silence the sadness

And that is only sometimes as the pain in my head takes over

And then there is peace No Where

Only Un-escapable pain

I fight and fight

And sometimes I win

But there will be another

It slowly breaks me down piece by piece

Emotion, soul, heart, spark; it spins its web

Until I am but this shell of what I use to be

I am not fun anymore

My children say this

My husband says this

I Say This

The only smiles that warm my heart

That give me cause to wake with the sun

Are the two that are the parts of me

That I gave life to that I long to see grow

And become wonderful in their lives

I feel I have nothing to offer to no one now

Nothing to give of myself and nothing to be

I go thru the day just trying to get to the end of it

This is no way to be, to live

Small moments of happiness

Large moments of Sadness

This is Me now

DMC

1-13-10