Migraine DISEASE, toxic relationships, toxic people.
Right now, I admit to being extremely angry. It's one thing for people in our lives to not understand Migraine disease, but it's totally unacceptable when they're downright cruel and sadistic. For seven years now, I've worked to politely educate and reason with family members, friends, employers who "don't get it" and negatively impact Migraineurs' lives with their attitudes. Today, the gloves come off...
One of our members is a Migraineur whose life is literally at risk because of her Migraines. She has hemiplegic Migraines that are being complicated even more by Migraine-triggered seizures. To protect her privacy, I'm going to call her Anne. Anne's mother is a real piece of work. Privately, I think of her in terms that I can't write here. (Use your imagination.) Recently, Anne called her mother to wish her a happy birthday. During the conversation, her mother asked her how she was. Anne told her the truth, including the fact that seizure-induced confusion had nearly resulted in her taking an overdose of her medications. Are you ready to read what this woman said to her own daughter? She actually said to Anne,
"Too bad you didnt overdose, then I wouldnt have to deal with this crap. You should stop taking meds, just breathe, that solves it all. So what if you get them, just live with it."
She went on to ask if Anne's husband had divorced her yet, commenting,"Well, if he hasnt, he should. I'm sure he's fed up with your headaches."
Dear heaven! What is wrong with this woman? How can anyone wish their own child divorced, let alone dead? I so wish I could say that I've never heard anything like this before, but I can't. So, I'm going to address this two ways here, one way to the people who think or say such things and another way to those of us who have people like this in our lives. Here goes...
To Anne's mother and other people who think and speak as she did:Migraines are not "just headaches." Migraine is a genetic neurological disease that can not only be debilitating, it can and does kill. That is no exaggeration; it's the simple, unadulterated truth. It's time for you to get over yourself and act like a decent human being. If you can't be supportive, at least shut up and say nothing. If you don't really want to know how someone is, don't ask. A relationship with you is toxic. It causes more harm than good. If you actually care about the Migraineur in your life, you have a choice to make; a choice to learn about the disease that's tearing their life apart and try to be helpful and supportive. If you can't do that, you're a poor excuse for a human being, and I hope they cut off all contact with you. For Anne's mother, you don't deserve to have her as a daughter if you can't clean up your act. Enough said.
To Migraineurs and other people in pain who have such people in your lives:It's pathetic, but true, that some people will never change in their attitudes and behaviors. You deserve better. You owe yourself and the caring people in your lives better than to put up with crap from toxic people. I know all too well how difficult it is to have such a person in your life. What I have learned (the hard way) is that we sometimes have to make the decision to remove such people from our lives. You have to decide if such a person adds enough to your life to offset the harm they're doing. If you want educational materials to try to get them to understand what you live with, let me know. I can provide them for you. If you've already tried this, and it was unsuccessful, please do not blame yourself. I implore you to search your heart and do what you must do to make your life as good as it can be. The MyMigraineConnection community will be here to support you. You can comment on this SharePost for help, or you can come talk with us on our forum.
Sigh. I thought I'd feel better once I sat down and wrote this. But, no, I'm still angry beyond words. In my personal belief system, it's wrong to hate people, and I'm having a difficult time with that today. Still, I hope my tirade will help someone.
with gentle hugs,