Keep Hoping

I had my first migraine when I was 10.  I remember the exact day it happened, the time and where I was.  That is how memorable that was.  My baby sister was less lucky as her pains began somewhere around the age of 3 in 1978.  In 1978, I'm not sure we were all that familiar with migraines and the doctors diagnosis of my sister was that she had socialization issues which brought on the "simple" headaches.  Since then, the struggles only got worse. 

Although my first migraine occurred when I was 10, they did not begin to build in frequency until the age of 18.  Then is when I first started seeking medical help.  After they began building in intensity and frequency, some genius decided that it was just because I was stressed out over some personal tragedy and gave me some ativan (sp?).  With my already low blood pressure and weight, my blood pressure plunged to 60/40, I was rushed to a hospital and for a whole host of reasons, they decided that was a bad decision and they began giving me aspirin.  Didn't work...

Fast forward a few years and we meet genius #2.  She also decides that this past personal "tragedy" has ruined my life and that is the reason for the headaches.  She adds that they might be migraines.  She decides it would be a better idea to give me pain killers and antidepressants.  Now, I didn't take the pain killers... why?  I'm the daughter of an alcoholic and granddaughter of two alcoholics... oh and sister of a recovered drug addict.  I didn't think it was a good idea.  Well, whatever the heck she decides to give me caused a seizure!  Yup, passed out right there in the college dorm.  After that, she decides she can't help me.

I get out of college and I meet geniuses #3, 4 and 5.  All neurologists at one of the most esteemed hospitals in the country.  All completely useless.  I decide that because I'm not dying of anything, perhaps my case doesn't intrigue them enough to care.  They begin me on Imitrex (hey, something looking like a migraine drug), steroids when things got out of hand, fiorinal and demerol (did I mention the alcohol and drug abuse in my family yet because goodness knows I mentioned it to them plenty).  In addition to the pain meds I wouldn't take, I was having a very hard time tolerating the Imitrex.  It worked, it just seemed as if the nausea got worse with it.  They each explained to me that this didn't make sense and because of the other meds I wouldn't take, I was branded a difficult patient.

I finally land in the hospital in the middle of a 15-day migraine.  I've been through 5 doctors in 10 years, I'm barely holding down my job (the only reason I think I kept it is because the people there liked me), my then boyfriend, though extremely supportive, has no life anymore because I'm literally sick everyday of my life and I'm addicted, yes addicted to Excedrin migraine.  Sometimes taking up to 15 in a day.  That I didn't kill myself doing that is amazing to me.