I miss being me. All I feel is sadness and dread that this will be the rest of my life. Who can handle kids when life itself is this painful? Migraine = Knife stabbing pain surrounded by feelings of sadness and constant tears. The doctor says crying will just make it worse, but I'm too sad to stop. No one understands it. They think it's just a headache. They think just because I'm up, working, and walking around most days that I'm fine. But most of the time, the pain is there. Even if it's just a little pain, it's there. But at this point, it isn't just the pain that's the issues. It's the constant fear that it will get worse and wondering if I made the right move this time. I'm worrying about whether I should have taken that pill. When I take it, I wonder, did it really help me, or would it have gotten better on its own? If it would have gotten better on it's own, then I just wasted a pill and will probably get a rebound headache. I miss the me that didn't live in constant fear of pain. I miss the me that didn't cry at least once a week because of pain, the me that didn't dread that the pain will return, the me that didn't feel sadness that I'm 28 and have been to the CVS pharmacy almost every week in the past month to try yet another prescription. But I'm a "healthy 28 year old," they say. I'm not dying. Be thankful, they say. I try to, I really do. The blood tests are normal. It must be stress. It must be my posture. It must be my sleep schedule. I must have eaten too much. I must not be eating enough. Stop drinking alcohol. Exercise more. Drink more water. I avoid happy hours and late nights out of fear. I leave parties early so I can get enough sleep. I started yoga. I try to run but am too exhausted from the medications' side effects to even wake up in the morning. I changed my diet. I have a pill box now. I sleep in and get headaches because I sleep too much. I can't win. I took OTC drugs every day on vacation just so I could enjoy vacation, only to be followed with a 5 day rebound headache full of tears. If this is healthy 28, then send me back to 25, ASAP. I can't handle this. I don't want to be sad anymore. There are wonderful friends and family all around me, but I'm still SO SAD. Somebody help me.
Hello, and welcome to MyMigraineConnection.com!
Oh sweetie, you've come to the right place. I'm so sorry you have to be here, but while you are, we can offer you the support, compassion and understanding only people who live with Migraine disease and headache disorders do. Let me see what information I can give you to start you off.
It is very difficult to cope with chronic pain every day. It makes a person frustrated, cranky, and just plain exhausted. I know, been there, doing it! The worst part is Migraine disease is what's called an "invisible" disease - no one can "see" it with their eyes. Let me explain. When you see someone with a broken arm and it's in a cast, you can "see" their pain - represented by the cast. But nobody can "see" our Migraine pain. We don't walk around with a band-aid on our head. For some people if they can't "see" it, they can't believe. Fair? No way! Does it stink? Yes it does. And it certainly can make us feel more isolated and alone. But be assured, you are not alone. There are over 37 million of us who have Migraines. Migraines and Feeling Hopeless - Hang On! is a great article I hope you find helpful.
It sounds like you are pretty well versed on Migraine terms. But I wonder if keeping a Migraine diary for three months, consistently (yes, I know it is kind of a pain, but very important) would make a difference in your trigger management. Because it sounds like you are really trying hard to do all the right things. Sometimes, at least I know for me, when I write things down, I don't realize how far off the mark I can be. My Migraine diary made me accountable and I was able to narrow some things down. It wouldn't hurt at any rate, and if you want you can download our free version HERE. Trigger identification and management is vital in a Migraine management plan.
One problem we can unwillingly create, and I read that you are aware of this is is medication overuse headache formerly called rebound headache. You see, any time we take Migraine abortive meds such as triptans or any kind of pain med -- even over the counter and/or prescription meds -- more than two days a week, this can happen. See Medication Overuse Headache - When the Remedy Backfires for more information on this.
Maybe it is time to see a "true" Migraine specialist. Neurologists are fine doctors, and some may say they are "headache specialists" but that might not be true. The thing is these doctors treat so many different conditions like MS, stroke and epilepsy that it is difficult for them to be experts in one area. And its not that the doctors aren't listening, rather, they really aren't well informed about Migraine disease. Migraine specialists treat one disease - ours - Migraines and headaches, are certified in headache medicine and attend scientific conferences to keep up to date on all things related to Migraine and headache. And this may be just what you need now, and of course some understanding would be good too!! When you get a minute, take a look at
Migraine and Headache Specialists - What's So Special? and when you are ready to find a specialist check our listing of Patient Recommended Migraine and Headache Specialists.
Thank you for creating a SharePost. SharePosts are a form of blogging, and there are many things you can do with them. You can share an experience, suggest something that's helped you, use SharePosts as a Migraine and headache journal, and many other things.
We also have a discussion forum that you may want to check out. Especially if you have questions or are looking for information, you may find the interaction on the forum to be quite helpful. To get to the forum, just look for the orange box marked "Manage" and click on the Migraine Forums link. Because our forums are maintained by a third party, you'll need to register for the forum. You can use the same information you used to create your community log-in if you like. If you want to go directly to the forum, you can click HERE.
Along with your personal "My Home" page and the discussion forum, you'll find links to a great deal of helpful information on the main page of our site, http://www.MyMigraineConnection.com. Under the Find, Manage, and Connect tabs at the top of each page, you'll find a wealth of information - educational articles, tips, quizzes, workbooks, support and advocacy information, and more.
Do you have questions about Migraine? There are three ways to get answers - through our Ask the Clinician column, in our community Question and Answer Section, or through our forum. Just go to our Migraine Answers page HERE.
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Welcome again,
Nancy Bonk
MyMigraineConnection.com Community Manager
PS: If you receive this message from more than one of us, please excuse the overlap.
Jules,
The information Nancy gave you I hope was helpful to you. I have migraine disease and it has been about 42 years...I don't know how long you've had migraines, but at some point I had to face what you are going through right now and I remember (and at times, still feel) how hard it was to come to terms with learning to see myself in a new way: as a person with migraine disease. It was a process of grieving over the things I used to be able to do without much thought; having carefree fun most people take for granted; enjoying my children wholly without collapsing at the end of a day when a migraine was particularly severe; sleeping in or staying up late; having an alcoholic drink (like a glass of champagne on New Year's Eve without getting a migraine.....btw, decided to have one this year and got the migraine anyway!)...things like this. It took time to accept the "new" me and realize I can still have FUN; I can still enjoy my children wholly; although sometimes things come with migraines....and YES, I HATE IT a lot of the time....but it's my human condition and when I look around or have conversations with others, so many other people have health conditions, too.
As far as taking the abortive medication, I did learn to take the med right away and it has helped with feeling as if the migraines don't have as much impact in my life (and I have migraines 12-15 times a month). One of the many neurologists I've seen asked me once if when I felt a migraine coming on if it ever went away without taking anything....I answered NO....it was at that moment I realized I needed the medication every single time. Also, she told me I could take the med when the fire just had a little kindling on it; when the fire was burning; or when the fire was burning out of control....the sooner I took the med the more likely the fire would feel less intense....so, if this makes any sense to you...if you try to cool off a kindling fire, it's pretty easy-but it gets progressively harder the stronger the fire gets.
Well, I've rambled enough....hope this helped a little. Take care and believe in yourself and if your family is at all helpful, let them be....eventually you will see how nice that is.