So it's been a while since I've written. And somehow, I think writing now, about a year after I discovered that I wasn't just experiencing "headaches"-- a year after I was actually diagnosed with migraines (more formally known to migrainers as "migraine disease", believe it or not)-- now is the most appropriate time to sit back and reflect.

January was a rough month. To make a long story short, there had been a lot of ups and downs up to that point, and that particular week, I had just reached the end of a 5 day headache which I have come to realize was a rebound from all the Alieve I had taken in Costa Rica in order to PREVENT myself from any sort of pain while on such a big vacation (when we landed in Costa Rica, I experienced one of my worst migraines ever in the passport line, so after that, I was super paranoid). They actually have a name for what I was experiencing- Cephalgiaphobia: fear of headaches or of the next headache. When I wrote, I felt hopeless and helpless. I felt as if no one understood. I heard other people complain about being "sick" and "having headaches", only to feel better the next day, while I was having almost daily pain with no relief in sight. I saw a future of pharmacy visits and pain getting in the way of every single life goal I've ever had- marriage, kids, progressing in my career... since at the time, the pain was getting in the way of simply getting through the day.

Although at the moment my attitude toward the migraines and life in general is much better, I don't look back on that moment and wonder why I felt that way- I still completely understand that version of me, and occasionally, I relive that moment. However, thanks to the support of my friends and my neurologist, a better understanding of my body and pain, yoga, and a miracle drug called Cymbalta, those hopeless moments are still there, but their frequency and intensity are very much reduced. I'm still learning the "art" (or "science") of determining when I need to take a drug and when the pain will go away on it's own, and sometimes it is the most frustrating thing in the world, but most of the time, I'm able to be function. Although I don't love the fact that I'm pretty much dependent on triptans (special drugs that abort migraines), I am grateful that the majority of the time they work.

Now for the purpose of this entry... Never in a million years would I CHOOSE to have "migraine disease", as I've learned it's called, but I am trying to find the silver lining and explain what I've learned from the past year, and how I believe it's actually made me a better person.

I've learned a lot about myself this year, and I think a lot of my actions which were originally "reactions" to the headaches were actually positive life changes. And my life attitude has taken a turn for the better. For one, I am much more appreciative of HEALTH. Don't take one moment of your life that you feel "good" for granted. Jump up and down and appreciate your body when it gives you good days, weeks, months (I am incredibly jealous of those of you who experience the latter two). When I feel good (no pain), I am ecstatic. For me, feeling "good" is like that first beautiful spring day after a long, hard winter. I will never take feeling good for granted ever again. I've learned that you have to Love your body, and show it you love it by taking care of it. I have made some major changes in my diet and daily activities. I eat more fresh fruits and veggies and less processed food. I am amazed at how good I feel on the days I eat fresh versus the days I eat processed food and candy. If I feel the need to relax, I try and forget the dishes and cleaning and actually RELAX...