Migraines for 21 years...when will it ever end?

I don't think that I can take too much more of it. I can't keep a job long enough to get health insurance. The clinic that I go to won't prescribe anything non generic. OTC does not help. The migraine studies in the city only want people on certain medications.

I don't go outside very often. I try to take walks at night. No bright light helps. My ice pack is my best friend. I hate when the aura starts and then the numbness. I hate not being able to see. It takes about 30 minutes for the blindness to go but it comes back usually within an hour and goes. If I can just get to sleep I don't have know about the blindness and numbness but that is almost impossible. I dream about the wavy, squiggley, pointy teeth, jagged line aura. I did not use to do that that is actually new. Dream about it and wake up sick. Torture...it is absolute torture.

It is very strange writing this all out. I journal and have for years mainly for my son. I used to keep journals on what I ate but that is a total joke I have been a vegetarian almost my whole life. I don't drink, smoke or do drugs. In my case it is in my family blood line. I feel bad for my son. He wonders if he will get them but I pray constantly that it skips him.

My great grandmother had migraines and in her day they told her to cut her hair. Can you image? She had a hard life, 12 kids. My grandfather's migraines stopped in his late 40's. (I only have about 9 years to go.) His headaches did not stop, he had one everyday, but the migraines went away. Of course there were all the other problems he had that came with age.

I am tired of suffering. I can't live my life to the fullest although there was a time when it wasn't so bad but within the last 3 years I feel that I am barely hanging on. My son is older now, 14, his father recently got in touch with him, guilt I am sure for missing out on the first part of his life. I am glad he came to his senses and has grown up enough to decide to be a dad.

I am just so tired and worn out. I read just the other day about a woman, 53, who just could not take it anymore. Her doctors could not get the medication right for her to deal with the migraines and she took care of it permanently.

Wow, no more migraines. If I never had migraines ever again that would be better than winning the lottery.