Normal.  Just sounds boring, run-of-the-mill, bland.  But I want it.  I want to live a normal life.  However, I found I can't.  I HAVE to learn my limitations and learn to live by them.  My life is not a movie where the underdog trains hard, works hard to overcome obstacles, pushes the limits so he can make it on Notre Dame football squad, box the top champion and win, climb the highest mountain, or make it to the Olympics.  No, my life is about small victories--making it to church on Sunday AM (the lights and the buzz of the crowd are painful), going to a movie, losing five pounds, doing things that most people take for granted.  I feel successful if I get out of bed before 10 AM and actually get dressed.  My standards are definitely lower than most people's.

However-I crave normal.  I want to do what most everybody else does.  So sometimes reason is abandoned and I GO FOR IT.  I usually pay in the end. 

So for my story.  Yesterday, my daughter called to see if I was going to make it to church.  Her husband was off that morning and she wanted us to all be there.  As I have said before, I'll do about anything for my kids, so I got up, did what I could with my face  and hair despite the fact that my head felt like a volcano getting ready to erupt, put on a comfortable pant suit, and went to worship services with my husband.  I did whip out my trusty sunglasses and wore them inside.  I hope I didn't look like I was coming off a bender.  I am short, so when I sit in the pews, my feet don't touch the floor.  I was already sore from my "tricky night out", and the sermon was a little longer than usual (guest speaker).  So added to my headache, my feet started to go numb.  I shifted around to get comfy, but to no avail.  I did get to hold Bella, so that helped.

After services, we ate at our usual Mexican restaurant.  Good time.  No problems.  On the way home, we had to go by the pharamcy to pick up some Rx's and it took LONGER than we expected.  The problem-some of my meds have a side effect.  I am fine until I eat my first meal of the day, which yesterday was lunch, but after eating, some IBS symptoms kick in.  I am usually at home, so it is not usually a problem.  However, yesterday, I was stuck in line because the pharmacist needed to tell me something about med interaction before he filled it.  I thought we had resolved this several weeks ago, but I guess the comments were not recorded.  By the time we talked about the problem, the line was about ten people long.  We had to get at the end.

My husband gave me the keys to the car and told me to wait outside.  I got to the car and then realized that we have parked near a "Green space" and the sprinklers have gone off while in the store.  The driver's side of the car was being heavily showered by water.  I didn't want my husband to have to walk through it and get soaked while he took the time to open the door and get in.  Here is where I was foolish.  I thought, "what would a normal person do?"  So I threw caution to the wind.  I got in the passenger side and climbed over the console and moved the car to a dryer spot.  No big deal, right?  Normal, you say?  Well not for me.  I pulled something-a muscle, an organ, a layer of fat.  When I got home, I couldn't even bend over to take my shoes off.  I had to have help with everything  (and I still have a screamer of a headache).  Did I really help my husband?  In the long run, it would have been easier for him to get soaked and then change clothes when we got home.  But no-I wanted to overcome my limitations. Stupid.

I am not saying that I should never push myself or set goals and strive to meet them.  But what I--and other chronic pain sufferers--need to remember is that our goals should be realistic and in line with what is best for us.  Not what makes us in line with others, not what we think we should be, not even what some cocky personal trainer thinks.  We need to strive to make our lives better by doing the things we need to do to cope and manage our lives.  That in and of itself is like climbing Mount Everest.  As for me, no more climbing over consoles. 

Now, I am going back to bed to lie on a heating pad.  I am better today, and maybe by tomorrow  I'll even be able to dress myself.  Yipee!