This has been something that has been on my mind for a while. I have a twin brother who is very healthy, a volunteer fire fighter and going to college as well and persuing a degree as well. He has virtually no health problems. Me on the other hand, I have an enlarged thyroid, depression, anxiety, herniated disc and chronic daily migraines.
I was recently in inpatient treatment in Michigan becuase we couldn't keep them under control in an outpatient setting and I kept asking myself "why me?" Why did God choose me to have all these problems. Since birth I've had health problems. I was in the hospital for a month with IVs becuase I was edmatous and I have had 8 trips to the ER from Oct to Dec 5 this year. And for the last year have gone 13-15 times a year. And my brother nothing. The most major thing that has happened to him was he tore his minicus and had minor surgery.
I am sometimes jealous of him becuase I never chose this life. This life chose me. All the meds, the doctors, the trips to the ER, the social life I haven't had, the "normal" college experience that I haven't had. There was this thing that that I got called "45 Things to live By" and one of them was "It's ok to get angy at God, he can handle it." Sometimes I get mad at God. But other times I want to thank him for the great support system that I have a great doc finally, and that I'm finally getting better. I just want to be ok with myself. I wasn't like this in H.S. I was an all state goalkeeper, one of the top 5 in the state, had everything going for me, colleges recruiting me, in the paper every day and even had a feature article. Now I've given it all up. Migraines have taken it all away from me. I ask myself again Why me?
Best.
Kate
I also have had a ton of health problems, starting in my early 20's, of which my entire family has nothing.
My two main ones are the chronic migraines and clinical depression, both of which are "genetic" and neither of which is there a family history. My mom has had two migraines in her life, and I think my sister has had three. (((rolls eyes))) I've had more than that in the last two weeks. Also, no one in my family is clincially depressed either...
I think all of us feel the "why me?" and the anger at god/circumstance at times. This is where being an existentialist comes in handy. For me, there is no "why". Just a cosmic roll of the dice. Or in this case, a random genetic coupling that turned me into a disaster.
Or there is my other theory that I was Typhoid Mary in a past life, which is why I'm so sick now
The truth is, I think we'd have to be mentally unstable to be "okay" with this disease. I mean we can work with it, around it, but to not be angry at times and greive for the lives we've lost would be ridiculous.
Feel better Kate, and hang in there.
-Kelly