unrealistic expectations?

Saturday, November 22, 2008 at 11:48 AM

It is comforting knowing I'm not alone in my "habits" now.  I used to play soccer 3-4times/week and this a.m. I can't even motivate myself to take a walk.  I have been trying to walk to get some kind of exercise and feel better, but there are funks where it is too much work.  I guess this is one of them (or should I say, one of many).   I find it hard to be the one who has to work myself out of the funk, for nobody can do it for me...(yadda, yadda, yadda)   I'm not making fun, for I'm a psych major, but boy am I tired.  I thought about the last few years and my family.  They have been supportive and helpful, but no one has really stepped up to take some of the burden off of me.   I had a really bad medicine cocktail last year where I had to walk with a cane I was shaking so badly.    The reason was not one doctor (out of 2 neuros, one primary and a pyschiatrist) exchanged information.  I gave them all the info; they just never compared notes.  My family didn't keep track either.  I was the one who was responsible for keeping track.  I'm better now, but at the beginning, I couldn't remember my daughter's name and they wanted me to remember to take the right pills/doses.  The brain trauma part is getting better; perhaps that's why I'm a bit perturbed looking back, but I really shouldn't have had to be the one to direct the actions of those around me.   For a year and a half I did a horrible job with my meds, and still no one "took over".   Maybe I'm being too harsh, as I would have done things differently as an "observer".  (Actually have been an "observer" at one time and did do it differently)  I'm overwhelmed by the fact that any progress I make, must come from me.  I am the one who has to rebuild my life and it just sure would be nice for someone in my family to lead once in awhile.  Don't get me wrong, they love me to death, but I am the foundation.  This is a role they never had to play, so I should not expect anything different, but the expectations are still there. 

Are they too high?  Am I being unfair?  Sure doesn't help my feeling of isolation though.  Any advise????