Hello all! Can I be your spirit guide? This is a long read, but please read and respond!!!!!!

Hello all. My name is Steve (ocnprl) and I stumbled across this site while looking up poems about headaches. I don't suffer from Migraines unfortunately, I suffer from very bad Cluster Headaches. For those of you who aren't familiar with them, they are also called "suicide headaches" for a very good reason. Some contemplate it and a few carry it out during an attack.

I've been through a lot of shit in my life, so much, I became a major alcoholic and got hooked on pain meds and just went into seclusion for almost 2 years. I'm not going to get into it here, I'll tell you later or you can read my profile.

Anyway, I'm very well educated, and like I said...have been through everything, but I snapped out of it about 6 months ago and after decades of feeding the corporate elite, I decided I'm going to help people the rest of my life. Because by helping people, I'm watering positive seeds and that not only benefits others, but makes me feel good and I learn things as well. I am very knowledgeable and have a lot to offer. I can be trusted, I have many connections and ideas, I don't lie...I don't say or do anything that I couldn't back up or prove to be true, and I'm not critical or judgemental in the least and won't give my opinion unless it's asked for. Beware though, because I do tell the truth, some find me either hard or non-caring, but that couldn't be further from the truth.

To give you a basic rundown (again, you can read my profile), I've done a lot and I also suffer a lot both mentally and physically, but I deal with it. I've lived in many places, and I love the mountains and ocean the most. I worked as a graphic artist/writer/IT for about 15-20 years, I went to college for 5 years full time and studied Zen/Engaged Buddhism (I still practice), Political Sociology including capitalist corruption, hunger and poverty, and creative writing.

I'm hoping in the very near future, I can meet and make friends with some of you and help all I can. But first, I'm going to write what a typical day of cluster headaches is like for me and the other 1% in the word who also suffer from. Some worse than others. And there is no cure, they're not even sure why they happen. I've tried everything except brain surgery and that's not even proven to help too much. I'm looking into my last resort that has been studied and had some success of reduction in the pain and frequency of clusters...magic mushrooms. Not to hallucinate, just enough to calm the episodes, or what we CHers call "the beast."

So anyway, I'm in the middle of a cycle that started about 2 weeks ago and don't sleep much and will be on the computer pretty much all morning and day. My dear little brother whom I was very close to, committed suicide and left two children behind. His son Jay's birthday is in a couple days and I'm gonna be on the computer designing some stuff for him.

The only reason I may not be one the computer, is if the "beast" comes, then I'll be away in agony for about an hour. The episode I'm about to write my sound far fetched, but believe me, when it's a 10 on the KIP scale, this is what it's like. And they can happen many times a day. Below my story is a short video of the last 4 minutes of a hit, just in case someone thinks I'm exaggerating.